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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other half not being safe

51 replies

candlefloozy · 26/11/2017 19:37

So other half went and made dd a hot choc. She apparently walked off with it and walked into me in living room, then she took a sip and burnt her mouth. I jumped up as she was crying and I asked him if he'd watered it down and all he kept saying to me was she took it off him?? I did start raising my voice and ran and got dd a cold water. Anyway he kept telling me she just took it from him?! And I said no you let her take it and didn't try and it get back from her and she drank boiling hot hot chocolate?!? So while I'm pretty irate he sits on the sofa rocking and holding his head saying he's really dizzy and I shouldn't be shouting at him and that she just took it! I said but it's boiling hot and if that's the case if she's took it then you need to get it back off her. I should add that he knew she had taken it because i heard him say be careful?! So I assumed he'd cooled it down by adding milk to it, like I normally do.
He suffers with depression and forgot his tablets for a few days last week and so were back to square one with it now.
I feel bad for shouting but he didn't seem to realise he'd done anything wrong. AIBU? He's gone out for a walk now because he's got a headache. I didn't shout but I raised my voice.

OP posts:
Original poster
candlefloozy · 26/11/2017 20:20

He's back.

OP posts:
Andcake · 26/11/2017 20:21

She's 4 he should have been more careful. Depression he needs to grow up and take his tablets maybe this is the chance to have a conversation about it.

Armadillostoes · 26/11/2017 20:23

He can't have his cake and eat it in terms of being ill. He can't claim that he is fine to do things and reject all reminders and then claim to be too delicate to cope with the consequences of his mistakes.

A four year old should not be in a position to "just take" a cup of near boiling liquid. That is bad in itself. And @Kelly if she had slipped and spilt it down herself it wouldn't have been a wee burn. It was the potential as well as the actual harm which would have been scary.

HipsterAssassin · 26/11/2017 20:24

Accident shmaccident.

Procedure for making a four year old a hot drink is

  1. make sure it’s not dangerously hot
  2. only give it to them if they are sat down.

He did neither.

What if she had spilled it all down herself? You’d be in A&E and probably the hospital would have informed the health visitor.

I hope he comes back acting more grown up, with an apology and you can move on

ohtheholidays · 26/11/2017 20:30

She's still a baby really he should be thankful that it was her poor little mouth and she didn't spill it all over herself or you could all be up A&E now with a very young child with serious burns!

I'd love to know if that had happened how he would think the nurses would take him blaming his 4 year old Daughter.

HateHomework · 26/11/2017 20:31

YANBU the worst bit that would really piss me off was that he didn't accept it! Basically blaming DD! He needs to accept it and apologise

ohtheholidays · 26/11/2017 20:31

Sorry Cross posted with you Hipster.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 26/11/2017 20:38

'She took it off me?'

What will he say when she climbs into a scalding bath he's running?

'She just climbed in'

I feel for him awfully for suffering with depression but he is a Father first and foremost. He needs to acknowledge his mistakes and take responsibility both for them and for her.

whenthestarsturnblue · 26/11/2017 20:42

As long as you are not the same OP who described how her other half threw cold water on her 3 year old to get her out of the bath in a malicious way - a thread that disappeared as quick as it started? Are you?

Carriecakes80 · 26/11/2017 20:49

Funny old thing this happened to my Mum a few weeks back, the tablets part I mean.
My mum took a tumble at work, was given more tablets alongside her ones for depression, and she miscalculated when she ran out, and now we are back to square one with her depression, and it took us YEARS to sort her. I am so down about it myself (not depressed!) but down because tablets for depression can take an age to get into your system and start working. If he has stopped suddenly, he is going to feel like utter shit, shaky perhaps, confused, downright awful, thats why the majority of tablets for depression have to be tapered off gradually, its kind of like breathing then suddenly having your air shut off... but I am sure he's just being defiant because he feels shit for what happened?? xxx

RebelRogue · 26/11/2017 20:50

Meh I don't see all the fuss tbh.
Have you never done something silly or forgot something and your DD got a bit hurt as a result?

Cracker09jacker · 26/11/2017 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumdishcloths · 26/11/2017 23:15

The point is, it was a near miss - any number of awful things could have happened, it is purely luck that she only burnt her mouth this time.

Italiangreyhound · 26/11/2017 23:38

candlefloozy he stopped taking his tablets. On purpose or by accident? Get him to sort this out, it is not on.

He made the drink too hot and left it within her reach. He doesn't get to do that again. But give him another non-dangerous job so that he cannot simply get out of things by doing them badly or dangerously.

He went for a walk and was gone a while and worried you. Not kind.

He needs to get back on the medication and accept responsibility for his mental health.

Plus dd needs to know not to take a hot drink but to be given it; it's not her fault but she does need to learn and at four she can learn this. If she cannot, then I'd switch to a cold milk drink. Having had a few accidents with hot things myself, it is just easier!

KellyBarclay burns can be serious.

RebelRogue "Meh I don't see all the fuss tbh." Meh, you were not the one who was burnt.

TheSassyAssassin · 26/11/2017 23:46

Recent incident of friend's small child pulling hot choc over themselves ended up in Children's A&E trip and scarring Sad He needs to take more responsibility!

LynetteScavo · 27/11/2017 07:06

Such a lot of hoo-ha over one incident...usually on threads like this there's some underlying reason why the OP is posting but I can't see it here. It seems to be a one off.

What I will say is that when making hot drinks or baths for a small child you don't make them really hot and then add cold, you just warm it up gently or put cold water in the bath first.

The poor man made one stupid mistake. I've made mistakes while parenting, as has DH. Neither of us ever raised our voice to the other about it. I may have called him a dick under my breath

I hope your DD is OK now.

SouthWestmom · 27/11/2017 07:37

How was it too hot to drink but not too hot to carry?

Think you are massively over reacting.

RadioGaGoo · 27/11/2017 07:47

I don't think you are massively overreacting OP

PickAChew · 27/11/2017 07:51

Cups have handles, noeuf.

juxtaPostion · 27/11/2017 08:09

I hope he treats you with the same scorn if you ever make a mistake. Of course, then replies would be asking if "he's abusive in other ways".

Armadillostoes · 27/11/2017 08:25

Some of the replies on here are bonkers and unkind. The OP did not treat her DP with scorn! She was upset because he gave near boiling liquid to a 4 year old. A minor accident happened and a major one easily could have done. People sneering at someone for raising their voice over that either haven't read the OP properly or haven't thought things through.

TwoShades1 · 27/11/2017 08:41

I would say that 4 is too young for hot drinks. Other than maybe having a little sip of something your drinking. I also don’t agree that children should be walking around with hot drinks. My DSC are 7 and 9 and aren’t allowed to walk around with any drinks! If they have a drink inside, they sit down with it. They do have hot chocolate but normally only in cafes and we don’t check the temp first. They know it’s a hot drink and to be careful.

Original poster
candlefloozy · 27/11/2017 12:59

@Carriecakes80 thanks yeah he is pretty bad and I think I'm being understanding, well I hope so anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
candlefloozy · 27/11/2017 13:01

I was pretty angry and upset with him. If it had been a genuine accident then fair enough but it was like he let it happen. So I just wondered whether I'd over reacted about it. My dd was ok but she kept saying her tongue hurt.
Thanks for all your replies.
He just forgot his tablets and has started taking them again.
I think he's feeling bad about it all now.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 27/11/2017 22:37

OP you have not over reacted.

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