What is reasonable in this situation?

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Asking for a friend and posting in aibu for better traffic.

Example. DC 16 lives with RP. RP and NRP share all weekends and school holidays 50/50 and with RP during the week at other times. Parents don't live local to each other. This is an ongoing arrangement between parents for many years. For NRP to be able to see DC, and for RP to have a break from being full time parent.

At what age would you expect that the rigid EOW and half of all half-terms to become flexible, and for the NRP to be able to arrange seeing the DC directly with DC? And why?

I was 15 when my parents split up and never had a formal contact arrangement, it was always on me to arrange it as my dad was, and still is, funny about "pressuring me to visit". He initially lived walking distance away and then across town which took more organising as he'd pick me up and drop me off.

So I think around 16 is reasonable to become less rigid, IF it suits all parties.

But some people like the routine, the teen knows where they are,and both parents can plan around it. I think a routine would've been easier for me tbh and certainly my younger sister, as it was left up to us to strike the right balance, while wanting to please both parents.

My parents divorced when I was 2. I started a more informal arrangement with my DF when I wanted to do more stuff with my friends on certain weekends etc. Usually I would swap weekends or visit midweek if I wanted to do something different. About age 15/16. By that age RP doesn't need to really be looking after the child, so less of an issue with giving a break.

WTF is RP? Reasonable Parent?

I was about 11 when my dad said there wouldn't be any formal arrangements as I was old enough to come and go when I wanted and he didn't think it was fair to tie up my time when I might want to see friends.
In some respects it was great as I had two homes but sometimes I felt left out as he never made an active effort to see me so it was all on me to decide.
In an ideal world the child would know they were loosely based at one place or another but free to come and go at each.

I would say 16 Is old enough to arrange their own contact with their parent. Can they get to trains/buses etc easily enough from both parents houses?

RP resident parent, NRP non resident parent

I think at age 16 it's perfectly reasonable for the child to make up their own mind about the rigidity, or to at least have a say. They're highly likely to have their friends etc going on where they live with the RP and won't want to be away for long periods - so it's a matter of managing everyone's expectations. NRP wants to see DC, RP wants a "break", DC will want to live their own life.

At 16 they should be able to decide themselves.... jezz half the time 16 year want to be treated as adults when you give them the freedom to make life changing decisions they don't know what to do ... sadly parents can't always make the decisions they have to and take some responsibility too.

I think I'd stick with the holiday arrangements if dc is still in education bit the weekends I'd allow more flexibility but kids sometimes do need encouragements to see nrp as they can get lazy tbh

When there an adult. It's unreasonable for a child to make there own childcare arrangements.

My parents separated when I was eleven. Things became less rigid when I was eighteen and out of formal education

DS1 is 12 and his Dad and I tend to arrange stuff between ourselves at the moment but we work around DS1's social life so that he doesn't miss out on stuff with his mates. There's nothing formal and it works well for us.

As DS1 gets older he's texting his Dad more and beginning to make noises about choosing when he goes; I imagine over the next few years we'll reach a point where that's how everything is done; his Dad and I are both quite flexible with his arrangements, though.