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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for help in making life changing decisions? Sorry it's long....

36 replies

TooManyBrokenRainbows · 26/11/2017 18:11

I'm disabled; quite affected but it's an invisible disability.

The disability I have affects my whole life and I have to spend all my energy managing it . Sometimes it works , sometimes it doesn't and I can end up quite poorly.

I have 3 children ; one of which has SN and needs quite a lot of input.

My DH works but he is on a low income ; he's unable to take on additional work as he needs to care for our children and I .

I work part time but I've been absent due to my disability for 4 months .

Before this instance, I've had odd days of sickness in the past year .

However before that , I had another occasion of long term absence lasting a year .

I managed to return to work for over a year with odd days absence before I became poorly at the end of August this year and have been signed off by my consultant since.

My fit note expires today and work are expecting me back tomorrow .

It was hinted at my last absence meeting that if I was signed off further , then I would be expected to attend a disciplinary meeting .

I'm not well enough to go back and my consultant agrees and I know she will sign me off again tomorrow.

I expect I will be called to a meeting and issued with some sort of secondary warning (I've had none so far but my manager has told me this will happen).

I know my manager is (understandably) becoming frustrated with my absences. I unfortunately have no influence over my disability and I can't help it.

I do have the feeling she may be looking to terminate my contract albeit in due process and "fairly".

My employer has provided me with all the reasonable adjustments they can.

With the right treatment from my consultant I could return to work in the near future but it will not prevent future relapse and I will likely be absent again . Most likely eventually resulting in dismissal.

To throw a spanner in the works: I've also been advised I need to have life saving surgery within the next 12 months . Without this surgery there is a 90% chance I will die - not immediately but eventually.

It's also guaranteed that this surgery will worsen my current disability and I'll need extended recovery time.

This will therefore result in further absence from work and most likely further action from my employer.

What do I do ?

I can't afford to lose my job and I'm terrified of universal credit.

I had to fight for my PIP and it is due to renew. If I lose that we will really suffer .

We have no savings . It's unlikely I'll find another job , especially as I'm limited in the work I can do due to my disability.

Do I delay my surgery and take the risk in order to keep my job?

Do I stay on long term sick whilst I await surgery ? Which will then result in dismissal anyway ?

Do I go back to work and then take more time off for the surgery? Again , resulting in more action being taken against me and likely dismissal anyway?

WWYD?

Thank you if you got to the end.

OP posts:
munkynutts · 26/11/2017 18:14

I have no advice as not wise enough, nut just wanted to say - you sound really tough, amd here are some flowers. Hope things work out for you Flowers

confusedlittleone · 26/11/2017 18:19

Make sure you get proper legal advice before making your choice

TooManyBrokenRainbows · 26/11/2017 18:26

Thanks for the flowers Smile

I hadn't thought of legal advice - I wouldn't know what to ask advice about? Blush

OP posts:
Ermm · 26/11/2017 18:38

Def get legal advice - very likely if you handle it well you can get a payout. Speak to a lawyer who specialises in disabilities. im not lawyer but have some knowledge in this area due to m own issues - feel free to pm me

TooManyBrokenRainbows · 26/11/2017 18:48

I will look in to legal advice but I don't think my employer has or will act unlawfully .

What would I be seeking legal advice about ? Genuine question .

I can't see beyond everything at the moment Blush

OP posts:
TooManyBrokenRainbows · 26/11/2017 18:49

I will look in to legal advice but I don't think my employer has or will act unlawfully .

What would I be seeking legal advice about ? Genuine question .

I can't see beyond everything at the moment Blush

OP posts:
Ermm · 26/11/2017 18:59

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/discrimination-at-work/common-situations/termination-of-employment-and-disability-discrimination/

I know you said they've made reasonable adjustments but theres quite a high test for that and need lots of evidence etc. Basically there are lots of processes and high standards for dismissal if a disability.

Lots of companies would rather just give a payout and be done with it. Although I don't want to raise your hopes without knowing your circumstances. But - you have rights and need to be not afraid to use them. You may also simply want the result of keeping your job and requiring them to genuinely make reasonable adjustments.

Lots of lawyers will give a free consultation on this - you want someone who specialises in disability discrimination. someone like didlaw is a good example - although they're not cheap. but that sort of thing.

TooManyBrokenRainbows · 26/11/2017 19:33

Thank you that's very helpful ; I will look in to legal advice this week.

Flowers

Can I ask what you would do in my situation out of the options I seem to have at this moment ?

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 26/11/2017 19:38

I don't know anything about this sort of if thing but i woukd get the surgery. health over money any day. I hope you feel better soon xxx

munkynutts · 26/11/2017 19:52

Bumping this for Rainbows. Come on guys there must be someone with some experience on here!

Ermm · 26/11/2017 19:54

I would without a doubt have the surgery.

I would educate myself in detail about my rights - easier said than done for me - I said I'm not a lawyer but should have written I'm not a a lawyer in this area. I am a lawyer so not scared about understanding. But really you should be very able to get a grasp of the basics in terms of your rights. Suggest you read up on this before you have an initial call with a lawyer so you can make the best use of it. I'd also call a few lawyers - both to find a good one but also because they'll all be able to help you to understand it.

Do you have a union? I'd talk to someone at the union.

Whatever you do don't quit.

Dont assume that your work is treating you fairly and are doing the right thing.

Don't feel guilt about enforcing your rights.

Have you looked into your statutory sick pay rights etc? Double check if you have income protection insurance through your work.

And obviously all the practical stuff like are there other people who could help so your partner could work more etc Can you earn money other ways - e.g. there are more options for online work now depending on what you do.

What is your field of work?

Jerseysilkvelour · 26/11/2017 19:56

If your employer has done everything correctly, presumably they have sent you to occupational health and sought their advice?

You really are between a rock and a hard place aren't you.

I'm inclined to say you should return to work when you are well enough, in order to show willing, then have planned sick leave when you have the surgery.

You've said your surgery will worsen things in the short term, but is it expected to make things better in the long term?

TooManyBrokenRainbows · 26/11/2017 20:25

I'm reading all the advice thank you Smile

The surgery isn't related to my disability other than that it will worsen it .

The outcome of my disability will remain the same - incurable but not life threatening but unbearable

OP posts:
TooManyBrokenRainbows · 27/11/2017 06:19

Any extra advice on what I should do?

I've taken down some numbers of legal companies to call this week.

OP posts:
yowerohotesies · 27/11/2017 07:39

I'm really sorry to hear about this very difficult situation.

I think it's important to draw a distinction between disability and illness. It is very often possible to live with a disability and also perform a job well, with reasonable adjustments. There are strong laws requiring your employers to facilitate this.

There is however no obligation on employers to hold a job position open indefinitely for someone who cannot perform the tasks that the job requires either due to a disability or due to long term illness, as long as reasonable adjustments have been made.

I'm very sorry but it sounds as if, from the details in your op, you current employment is actually incompatible with your ability to perform the role and it wouldn't be illegal or unreasonable for them to start the process to have this formally acknowledged - so long as they stick rigorously to the law.

HarHer · 27/11/2017 07:50

Hello,

I think it is really important that you consult a professional or professional agency about your legal rights (as suggested my other posters). However, I would also explore the possibility of working from home. I never realised how many opportunities there were, for example, for online work which I could combine with caring responsibilities.

In addition, make sure that you are claiming everything that you can for yourself with respect to your disability and with respect to your SN child and the caring that is involved.

GeorgeTheHamster · 27/11/2017 07:58

This sounds really difficult OP 💐

I think the first priority is your health. So you should have all the treatment recommended, when it is recommended.

Ultimately if your health is not good enough for you to be able to do your job you will lose it. As you know, if your employer follows the law, then ultimately this is outside your control.

Legal advice will cost you money that by the sounds of it you do not have. CAB may be able to help over the phone, or ACAS has a helpline as well. Both will be free.

Get CAB to give you a benefits check if you can. Does your DH get carers allowance for you?

GeorgeTheHamster · 27/11/2017 08:00

You may also have access to a legal helpline if you have house insurance, or union membership.

Sleephead1 · 27/11/2017 08:08

No experience op but ive heard good things about acas maybe give them all call or make appointment at citizens advice. Also you could use entitled to the online calculator and put in your husbands job and do it as if you are not working and see what you would get ? Good luck op

lotsofdogshere · 27/11/2017 08:40

Have you or your manager contacted Access to Work? They can be very helpful in doing a workplace assessment, recommending any aids or support needed. The aim is to provide appropriate support to help those with disabilities remain in employment. Invisible disabilities are tough aren't they.

MiraiDevant · 27/11/2017 09:33

Second suggestion for a CAB benefits check.

ESA should be a possibility if you are too sick to work long term. Gather evidence to prep for PIP renewal.

Prioritise your health so if surgery is really essential for you to live then surely that has to go ahead

unplugmefromthematrix · 27/11/2017 09:34

Sorry you are going through this Rainbows. I know that it really can be terrifying to rely on benefits, especially UC. I wouldn't wish the benefits system on anybody.

I can't advise about the job-legal situation, but re ESA and PIP the CBA and specialist charities can be wonderful at helping you to put together your application. I know you have said you have fought before so maybe you know all this, but just in case... Collect as much evidence as you can; diaries and examples of how you are affected and letter from consultants etc. And try to find an advocate if you can. Does your condition have a specialist charity? Can they advise you?

Perhaps if you can put together a strong application, you will feel more reassured of the outcome. But I do know from experience that even this means the result is not a foregone conclusion. There is no easy answer and it sucks.

Please don't put off your surgery. Your life is precious. I hope you find some help Flowers

TooManyBrokenRainbows · 27/11/2017 09:43

Thank you again everyone.

I've spoken to my consultant this morning and she has recommended I do not go back to work as of yet.

I therefore called my manager and she is not happy. She has said she will need to speak to her manager and see where we go from here , but I should prepare for disciplinary action Sad

I'm starting to panic and I think I'm going to have to try to delay surgery until we can get some savings together to prepare for my eventual dismissal.

Shit .

I've checked our benefits entitlement and we are claiming everything we're entitled to so far.

If I do lose my job , we will then have to move to Universal Credit.

The thought of being hounded to look for work I simply won't be able to do is terrifying.

I'm going to call CAB tomorrow when my youngest child is at nursery.

I'm also going to look online for online working ideas .

OP posts:
PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 27/11/2017 09:54

I think you need to concentrate on your health first. If you lose your job and put off surgery then it’ll delay you being able to find work in the future. Anyway you can get the surgery done sooner rather than later?

Definitely seek legal advise over your job. Go to the meetings if you can with your employer. I’m guessing whatever job you are doing can’t be done from home?
Does your work have access to your medical files? If not, is it something that you can give them access to? I’m not in anyway trained in this sort of thing but I doubt allowing them access can have a negative effect on your job.

This is really crap situation for you Flowers

munkynutts · 27/11/2017 09:57

I'm really saddened that people find themselves in this situation. I dont think its right for people to be worrying about basic income on top of such severe health problems.

Good luck rainbow Flowers