To expect theatres to supply food and drinks that can be eaten quietly?

[OhThisbloodyComputer]

I took my daughter to The Sound of Music once.

I was already in a bad mood because the trains were late. (They sold me my train tickets first, then they said: "There's no trains. THere's been a fire at Waterloo." Apparently, they didn't tell me this crucial news when I was buying a ticket, because I didn't ask)

Anyway, we shuffled in and sat down in front of a chimera who was consuming their own weight in assorted chocolates. She seemed to be eating them in a very specific order. So it was necessary to eat the toffees all at once, then the Hazelnut crunches. So not only did I have to put up with the crackly wrapping paper being rustled, but, to heighten the tension, there was a five minute preliminary search, while they rummaged around the entire bucket of sweets in order to make sure all the toffees had been eaten, before she could start on the Hazelnut clusters.

Don't get me started on the slurping noises. Why does every drink have toe have to be in a giant echo chamber bucket, with rattling ice cubes and slurped through a straw.

Good grief. Why do theatres give people food and drinks in packaging that's customer designed to create audible torture?

It's worse in cinemas. All you can hear is open mouthed crunching of pop corn. I've seen quieter cement mixers.

I tried writing to my local cinema once, but they just said "we understand your concern" but offered no action whatsoever.

Can anyone offer any constructive advice?

@expatinScotland

Thank you for that unsolicited advice which seemingly comes straight from your bile duct.

Your Moansplaining has been an enormous help to me.

I'm glad to be of assistance. Every little helps.

There is a ridiculous snacking culture in this country which all started when food manufacturers thought it would be a great idea to convince us we need to eat between meals, then provide us with shit snacks to trough on. Makes them rich and makes people fat. It now seems that so many feel a film (or any outing) is incomplete without stuffing their faces with junk food unfortunately.

Then there are the selfish twats who can't just sit still and shut up for the duration of a film. Or who have such weak bladders that the can't possibly go for a piss before the film starts then hold it for 2 hours (then again maybe it's the gallon of sugary shit they're slurping that's going through them). Or who can't go 5 minutes without checking their phones and lighting up their area of the auditorium. I know some posters are going to come out with all sorts of excuses but I don't care. If you or your kids are disturbing other cimema goers then fuck off out.

I told our local cinema that I would pay extra for food-free showings
I'd pay extra for a no talking, food and drink free, and phone free cinema experience. But it would have to be policed well by staff...using tazers preferably.

Can i have one of those tazers for my house?!

Unless you are in an arthouse/independent cinema, such snacks are likely to be the only ones on offer. Luckily there are some independent cinemas in north London (and even some south of the river) where you can have less noise from food.

www.bbc.co.uk/5live/films/code_of_conduct.pdf

When I went to the theatr a lot as a child, there was a special sweet shop which sold Callard and bowser sweets in boxes with paper wrappers, Maltesers in a box, and milky tray/all gold. It all looked so exotic, but was designed to be eaten silently.

Thank you, MegCleary. I shall have a number of those printed to hand out next time I am at the theatre or the cinema.

Whataload - I would be very willing to patrol the aisles myself, tazer, truncheon, whatever at the ready.

I don't think that age has made me less tolerant, but I do think it has made me much more ready to tell people off in public for being twats.

Whataload - I would be very willing to patrol the aisles myself, tazer, truncheon, whatever at the ready.
Me too. It would be a dream job