To Write a Formal Complaint to School

[ScaryMary81]

DS age 9 was allegedly running to the lunch queue. The TA pulled him and he replied it wasn't him.

The TA put him on the wall for 15 minutes then let him go for lunch, then asked him to return after lunch for further punishment, even though he had done nothing further to provoke the situation.

DS decided to go to his classroom rather than return, as he felt it was unfair, TA then sought him out, and returned him to the wall for the remainder of lunchtime. During this time DS became distressed and upset, which was ignored by TA and had to be consoled and settled by his teacher before he could commence his lessons.

Seems like quite a faff all round for simply running.

Aibu to write a formal complaint of him being initially being punished twice for a low level incident. He has no behavioural issues in all the 7 years he has attended thr school & the same day was parents afternoon, where his teacher said he was a good boy making a great effort in class.

Thanks for that Nursy1.

TA are a bit of a menace.

No, some TAs are a bit of a menace - as in any profession there are good ones and bad ones. My own children have always had great TAs who we've been thankful for.

TA here.
No idea why you would even think of making a formal complaint.
He broke the rules (running/hopping).
He lied about breaking the rules.
He deliberately avoided completing his punishment.
That would be a letter home to parents at my school.

The school are in no way at fault and handled it perfectly IMO. Disobeying school rules, lying about it and then deciding not to do as he was told are all shocking behaviour and it needs addressing. I'd be reinforcing this at home, not mimimising it.

I agree with this. As you seem to yourself. Your DS is 9 and old enough to know he was in the wrong.

He ran when he shouldn't.
He lied.
He then decided it was his choice whether to do as he was told.

I'd also bet (because we're looking st a child who has lied and done what they like) that there was some back chat or attitude in there too.

I'm on school's side.

If you put in a formal complaint over this you are sending the message that if he thinks something is unfair then he can do what he likes and then mum will complain.

Put it this way, if I set a detention (secondary) & a student doesn't come because they think it's unfair and then I get a phone call from home, that parent goes right on the 'totally unreasonable and precious about their child' list in my head. If the child wishes to discuss the situation with me then they can arrange to do so in a way that is polite and respectful. If they choose not to attend then I move up the behaviour policy.

You seem pretty reasonable OP so hang fire on the complaining. Call up the school and ask to speak to the TA to get the full story. My guess if it will be difference to what DC has said.

@Thenumberfaker- great response. I smiled at your username but watch out that the OP doesn't label you as a menace with poor maths skills

I’m glad you have realised YABU and I’m sure your son will think twice in the future

Another teacher here (of exactly this age) and I would bet my mortgage that this is not as straightforward as your son is making out.
Running - OK, a relatively minor offence on face value but can cause injury to others (and has done, particularly on the stampede to the lunch queue). School are cracking down on it and sanctions to be imposed. Like other posters, I strongly suspect that the second period of "the wall" was due to him showing rudeness or attitude towards the TA. He absolutely cannot unilaterally decide he's not going to do a punishment that's been imposed.

Thanks farty, my name is a rip-off of the Numbertaker in Numberjacks. Nothing to do with the fact that I have a Maths degree but still don't feel that I'm 'good at Maths'.

Maybe the first stint on the wall was for the initial ‘crime’ of running and the second punishment was for lying about it.

sorry, bit late with that one as I wrote it then had to let the dog out for a wee.

@Thenumberfaker - that brings back memories, I'd forgotten the number take; my DCs loved that programme.

I'm 'rubbish' at maths too..

I think his mistake was not returning. He doesn't get to decide not to go back just because he felt she was wrong.

Not turning up would have given him an automatic hour long Friday after school SLT detention at our school.

I would be upset that my ds decided that he did not need to do the 2nd half. I would be focused on that rather than the TA.

Yeah, sounds like a classic case of a child escalating a situation rather than just admitting fault in the first place. Presumably if he'd just apologised and started walking then no more would have been said or done. I would also be concerned about whether he'd been a bit cheeky after the initial punishment given that he was cheeky when asked to stop running and unilaterally decided not to return for his second punishment. I'd be advising him on how to avoid getting into similar trouble in future rather than complaining.

Interesting that your OP explains that your son "said it wasn't him" wfhch gives the impression that the initial punishment was unfair.

It's only later that you say it was him - hopping? FFS.

Interesting that you both deflect and minimise his initial misbehaviour.

Sounds like he's pushing boundaries and escalating low level incidents himself.

You need to teach him that a simple 'sorry' would have ended the matter there and then. If he is going to lie every time he is caught breaking rules (hopping ffs??!) he will create no end of misery for himself.

As a parent, you should see this. Glad you know YABU OP.

Some parents are so rude to school staff, teaching and non teaching. How about teaching your kids to respect adults and follow instructions? Why do you think so many kids have no respect for authority? Because some parents will not accept that their kids need punishing! This generation has it so badly wrong

PA funny how parents always believe the child's story! It's usually slightly distorted!