Or is he?

[NCNiomi678]

I've been feeling really down today. I'm 6 months pp and haven't been feeling all that great in myself since having my baby, not PND but just in regards to not really feeling like I know my real identity anymore, missing my friends and my career and just feeling very lonely on my maternity leave. It's been an ongoing thing for me but something I haven't opened up to with my OH. We've been bickering because I've told him I've been feeling not myself this week and he has taken my moods to be that I'm annoyed with him (I'm not) and it's just been a bit tense. Anyway, things came to a head today and I opened up to him and explained how I was feeling and really poured my heart to him and cried and cried. We had a big cuddle and talked through how to make me feel better and that I need to do more and see more friends etc and have more time to myself in order for me to perhaps get back to where I was pre baby. He was due to go out tonight with his friends and I already mentioned in the week how I was dreading it because I would be home alone once again like I am all week and it just makes me feel so lonely. After our heart to heart, he got up, jumped in the shower, got ready and went out. AIBU in thinking he maybe could have just cancelled his plans and took me out to make me feel better or even just stayed in with me? My main point I was getting across is I was feeling incredibly lonely and then he just upped sticks and left me to be with his friends. FYI, it's not important he sees these friends. Every other weekend since our LO has been born he has been out with them. AIBU in feeling upset about this? If it was me and he was as upset as I was, I would've cancelled all plans in a heartbeat.

Bump x

YNBU to be upset, but I don't think your DH is unreasonable to stick to plans that had already been made.

Having a baby is a huge adjustment. Well done for being able to open up to your OH about how you feel. It sounds as though he really listened. He's made some positive suggestions and hopefully he'll spend more time looking after the baby on his own so you can have time to yourself, meet up with friends etc.

Having said that, if he's also entitled to time with his friends. Seeing them every other weekend is hardly unreasonable. It's just unfortunate timing that he went out straight after this heart to heart.

How much time have you had to see friends or socialise since you had the baby? (Don't know if you are BF or FF but appreciate that it's trickier to go out if you are BF). If the answer is 'none' but your H is going out to play every other weekend then it's time you got a night out and he stayed home with baby.

YANBU

I think your husband was a bit of dick to still go out unless it was a big birthday or celebration You clearly needed him and he should be thinking of you and your needs as well as his own.

Can you make plans for the next few weekends and tell your DH he is on babysitting duties?

It doesn't sound like he is doing his fair share...When he comes home from work, hand him the baby and go and doing something for yourself (go for a walk, have a nice bath, read a book magazine)

Did you actually ask him to cancel his plans? If not then I think you are being a little unreasonable as he might have assumed that you were ok with him going or else you would have said. If you asked him and he refused then he is probably being a bit unreasonable, although he might not have wanted to let people down at such short notice.

Aside from that it sounds like he is being very supportive and understanding which is good. Once a fortnight isn’t that often for him to be going out, do you have any friends or family that you could spend time with next time he goes out so you’re not alone? Can you plan some nice things to do together on the nights he is home so you have something to look forward to? Does your workplace do “keep in touch” days or similar or can you arrange a catch up lunch or coffee date with your colleagues? Maybe it might even be worth considering going back to work sooner than planned if you’re finding it so tough being away?

You’ve made a big step forward by opening up about your feelings, that takes courage. Hopefully things will start to get better for you now.