To move away from elderly parents?

[Tak1ngthevan]

Parents are now over 80 and live in a large-ish house they own in the centre of town. My DGM bought it for them in the Dark Ages when they married. I'm now over 50, single, and in very poor health - living on disability benefits.

Mom and Pop are quite well off - private doctors, holidays abroad every year. They could well afford care to come in, but they want me to stay near them in their old age. They've never helped me with accommodation, living or medical expenses. They have dangled an inheritance as a reason for me to stay, but I don't believe them.

AIBU to look for disabled housing a long way away?

Do whatever is best for YOU. Put yourself first.

Ditto, lool after yourself, sounds like they can afford private help if they need it, don't be guilt tripped.

Thanks - the last bit of the jigsaw is that even assuming they don't spend the house on care costs, they've often mentioned they'd like to leave everything to my Dsis and her DCs.

Yeah do what's best for you!

Even if they left you an inheritance, if it was over £16K, your benefits will be stopped anyway (and your rent won't be paid!) So you won't be any better off financially. Then when the inheritance runs out, you will have to apply for the disability benefits again. (Good luck with that!)

Unless the inheritance was in the mid 6 figures (like around half a million!) I would cut your losses and move away.

Do whatever suits you.

In my opinion you can't be expected to provide care for them if you are in poor health yourself
put yourself first and move far enough away that you are not the first port of call if there are problems
your other siblings can provide care if need be

DF is an alcoholic and DM has hard-to-handle anxiety, often near-hysterical.

DF is an alcoholic and DM has hard-to-handle anxiety, often near-hysterical.

The more you post the more it sounds like you would be better off moving away!!

Seriously, put yourself first.

YANBU! Similar situation here, except I'm in good health and have children. It's massively selfish of parents to assume that you'll tolerate a precarious existence (if I've read your post correctly) just so they can see you when they want to. At the very least they could help you financially if they expect you to be at their beck and call. I wouldn't hang around for an inheritance as these are often lost to care home fees, remarriage, Battersea Dogs Home etc. Plus they could conceivably last another twenty years, which is a long time for you to be in a situation you aren't happy with! You have to prioritise your own life and your own right to suitable accommodation. Hope you find somewhere nice!

YANBU. I hope you find somewhere you will enjoy living. A whole new start to set up your own life.

I agree with everyone - YANBU. Not much you can do for those who don't accept help anyway.