AIB...slightly precious?

[flynn80]

Ok backstory very quickly... with dp 18 yrs, we have a 5 yr old, been ttc for 4 years and after 7 mc's have been told by nhs there are no further free available tests to try, we are stuck as dp is retraining at the moment so money is tight.

meanwhile, a few weeks ago my best friend announced she was pg, she actually took me out for a meal to break it to me before telling other people, I was over the moon for her and her husband, they have been ttc for 2 years and were successful after ivf. dont get me wrong I came home and cried that it wasnt me, but still absolutely wishing her nothing but the best.

fast forward to today, dp isnt known for empathy at all, (mouth is in gear before his brain type). he calls me up and puts me on loudspeaker in front of all his family, while im alone at home, "guess what?" sil's pregnant, Oh thats great i muttered - secretly wondering why he would choose to tell me like this rather than face to face, "yeah they hadnt really been trying but anyway, im going out for a drink with (his brother) tonight to celebrate".

Now bil and sil both know what we've gone through, I've told her everything along the way - more of a to shut they up thing as they both kept on asking when baby number 2 was coming - after getting off the phone to dp, I broke down in tears, Ive spent a few hours crying and only beginning to look human. not because i dont want her to be pg, im happy for her - if im honest slightly more jealous of her than my friend, as it had just happened by accident for them both. but also I text her to say congrats and all I got back was a thanks hun text.

nothing else. nothing off dp to see if im ok, nothing of anybody else. Its like they've all decided to ignore me incase it upsets them seeing me upset. And I do realise this isnt the end of the world type thing, but right now I feel a bit crap and cant help it. aib precious to think it was a bit shit to tell me in this way.

I cant put my finger on why I think its a bit off. I dont mean for 1 second I expect to be a part of there happy announcement thats not it at all, I just really valued the way my friend told me, and it's what I would do for anyone in this situation.

Your husband has been insensitive. I doubt it was malicious, just thoughtless, men often don’t feel the same way as women do about these things and he was possibly caught up in the moment.

As for the sister in law, I guess she doesn’t want to make it worse for you and as she’s caught up in company it’s difficult for her to take time out right now to help you through it. She’s probably Also taking your husbands lead.

It's ok to feel how you feel, I don't think you're being precious. I think you're behaving very gracefully over something that is very upsetting.

It's very clear to me that you're not upset that they are pregnant and that it's not something you hold against them, you're upset because them being pregnant is bringing up Feels about your own situation.

As to why no one has checked in with you - I don't know, and I'm sorry. Perhaps your DH is just trying to put it all to the back of his mind so he can be really present for his brother right now. And there probably is something in what you've said about them not wanting to be upset for you; as much as it sucks right now is their happy time, and I'm sure they'll commiserate with you soon.

But: you can feel how you feel. Wallow tonight if you need to.

No, you aren't being precious, but the fact is she is pregnant and there is no easy way to tell you that.
Go and curl up with a hot chocolate or a brandy or whatever you fancy and watch something nice on the tele for a bit. Have a good cry. It is good for you. As you say, it isn't your friend's fault and it isn't your SiL's fault that you are where you are.

Thank you all, yes you're right, I do need a good wallow tonight.

Apparently i'm a selfish cow, looking for attention again (dp's words when I explained why i had been crying), so yeah, a good bath and a cry is what I need right now. and yes, the point is me not being unhappy for them, its just brought up feelings about my own life. weve both been through our fathers bereavements this past year, i've pushed on whilst dp crumbled into a state, gave up his job etc, began counselling and has become a bit wrapped up in getting himself better... so to dump on him everything i'm feeling also felt like too much.

Tonight though he's thrown that back in my face by saying i've blocked him out. Guess im just a bit confused and messed up right now. Just a few hours I was bloody fine, not knowing anything at all!