To not want a house guest over xmas

[Pinkpowerofthought]

Dh sister was dropping hints like bombs about coming for Xmas dinner. I didn't really want to add another one to host but felt bad so I invited her.
She's now just assumed she will be staying in the spare room Xmas eve Xmas and boxing night.
I have having overnight guests. I love my own space and as I work really hard I just want to wind down the three days that I'm off work, to spend quality time with my dd and dh.
Dh thinks I'm being precious and is in an awkward situation because I've told him I don't want her staying over, especially Xmas eve when I want it to be all about dd.

His sister stays far away so would have to stay really. All other family members are away visiting other relatives but she doesn't want to go with them.
We have been through a hard time renovating and trying to get it all done for Xmas, so to just relax in my own house would have been bliss.
I just hate having guests because I feel it's an invasion of my privacy. Can't stay in the bath too long, need to make sure their drinks are topped up and they are comfortable. Can't spend four hours watching Xmas soaps because guest doesn't like them etc. Just so pissed off I can't have my Xmas in my new home the way I actually want it. Aibu?

YANBU. Could you compromise and get her to arrive on Christmas Day- travel in the morning to arrive for lunch then stay Christmas night and leave on Boxing Day?

It's 3 days they're staying! Just set some boundaries. Course you can go for a long bath etc. They can entertain themselves or be quite happy watching soaps on tv. They're invited now so just make the best of it!

You invited her knowing she'd have to stay.

You say at the beginning YOU invited her and in a later paragraph said she lives far away and would have to stay.

Why did YOU do that when you didn't want to?

It's his sister not the queen

Watch whatever you want, take as long a bath as you want. Show her where the drinks are.

And for heavens sake it's your husbands sister, is he incapable of making up beds or pouring drinks?!

You can't uninvite her now. Maybe say to her she can arrive christmas lunchtime so your daughter

I would say you are a bit. She is his sister not a stranger - would she make it that hard to relax? Tell DH he is in charge of getting spare room ready and making sure she is comfortable etc and you do your own thing - take the bath if you want and tell her you've been looking forward to the soaps etc. She can always read a book or something -that's what I do when I'm staying at in laws and they watch stuff in it interested in. I wouldn't expect them not to watch it just because I don't want to

Let go of the feeling that you have to take care of her. Drop in some hints early on that you'll really appreciate the help doing things, as then you can be selfish and lazy over Christmas. Then when you lock yourself in the bathroom, or say, oh I've been looking forward to my soap marathon all week, what can they expect? Family for Christmas is not "guests", don't feel like you have to treat her any different to your dp. I doubt he'd be worried about whether she needs a drink top up, he'd just say that she knows where the fridge is! If you pay guests too much attention they just want to come back.

Just lower your standards as a host. I think dsis will feel more comfortable being treated as one of the family rather than a special guest needing waited on. She is prob excited to see the children on Christmas and happy to go with the flow of your day. (unless she is known to behave otherwise). Go for a bath as long as you like knowing an extra adult is around to keep dh company. Dh can make tea/entertain too.

I think it is very reasonable to ask her not to come until Christmas day though. Although if she doesn't have kids seeing the Santa magic on Christmas morning would be amazing (a big ask though).

You invited her. You knew she’d have to stay as she lives far away. It sounds like the alternative is her being alone for Christmas. She’s family, can she not keep her own glass topped up and amuse herself (talk to her brother and niece) whilst you enjoy a hot bath. Christmas is about goodwill to all -not selfishly doing exactly what you want when you want regardless of others. What does your DH want? YABU and precious.

I think you're being a bit inhospitable to be honest- she is a member of your family and assuming she's not done anything weird should be welcome in your home -or would you rather she spent xmas on her own? You say this is about spending quality time with you dc - I don't imagine watching shit soaps on tv for 4 hours will be their idea of fun - perhaps their aunt could play with them whilst you put your feet up?!

Let her stay but do exactly what you would if she weren’t there. She’ll want to relax too.

I would also assume that a family member staying over Christmas should 'pull their weight" and be an extra pair of hands, rather than causng you more work.

It really pissed me off when people just assume. I think you need to talk to her and explain you need some down time. You love seeing her but you’ve only got 3 days off over Christmas. See if you can negotiate less days and definitely not Xmas eve. The traffic will be much better on the day. Don’t mention wanting to be alone with dd.

How far away does she live? How old is she? She could be a fun baby sitter too.

Sorry, sweetheart. You invited her. Was your DH, her brother, holding back, or do you think he would have done it if you hadn't "caved"?

Depends. Does SIL and DH get on well? No reverting to their family roles - whatever they might be. Is she good with your children/dog:whatever?
Will she muck in?
I agree dropping hints about how having extra help would be great, don't try and superwoman and perhaps give specific chores and it would be fine.
If she lives a long way away and you invited her it's a bit odd to complain - did you expect her to do all the travelling in one day?

Stop looking at the negatives, and see the advantages. You have a live-in babysitter for 3 days!!! Leave the sister with your children while you and DH enjoy a crisp winter walk by yourselves

Don't feel you have to play host. She's family.
Show her where the kettle, tea, biscuits, spare loo roll, towels are and vanish into the bath.
It's what I do

She’s your husbands sister! Is not allowed family to stay?

Make sure she’s aware that it’s everyone’s Christmas and not just hers - ask her what she’s bringing to the feast and tell her her jobs now. If she want to come for Christmas it won’t be an issue, if she wants a break it will......

You have just scored yourself a free babysitter. You can get out of the house and have some "me" time. (Even if it's a solo trip to the supermarket)