AIBU to keep quiet - DD's friend is upset that her mum smokes?

[shinysinkredemption]

DD told me that her friend, 13, was crying in school today as they were recently given a talk about the dangers of smoking and how it's a big risk factor for cancer - her Mum smokes (which I didn't know before today) so the poor love is worried about her mum getting cancer. She doesn't want to talk to her mum about it apparently. DD has sworn me to secrecy and I don't know what good telling the mum would do apart from land a massive guilt trip on her, presumably she's tried to quit and failed. We get on well when we see each other but she's not a friend as such. I just feel so bad for her DD, WWYD?

Nothing, its not your business really

Absolutely nothing.

WWID?

Nowt.

Leave it alone. Your DDs friend shared a fear with someone from her peer group.

Its a 'needs to know' thing. There is no reason to betray your DDs trust, or her friends trust in her.

Stay out of it

If her DD is worrie about her smoking, she probably knows already.

You'd be massively interfering!
I hate smoking but I couldn't really give a jolly fuck what another school Mum does. And if some other parent came to me, all holier than though about a vice I had (drinking, probably ) I'd tell them to mind their own. But probably not quite that politely.

It's shit. My parents smoked. My Nan died of lung cancer and they didn't give up so me mithering them wasn't going to help. I was petrified they were going to die as a kid and every time the dangers were covered in school I was scared witless. They died at 57 and 65 of cancer and heart disease so..... I am a bit bitter about it to be honest!

I may add that I'm a child of two chronic smokers, one of which is now battling a lung condition almost certainly caused by smoking. But I'd still not advocate you interfering.

I was that child who was terrified her smoking mum & dad were going to die of cancer - I remember standing in the bathroom sobbing having watched 'Who Will Love My Children', thinking my parents were both going to die and I'd be fostered or something.

There is nothing you can do. Just get your daughter to be kind to her friend and offer a shoulder to cry on.

Unless you want to be told to go away in the least polite words you can think of, you do nothing. I very much doubt you having words will result in the woman having a 'massive guilt trip'. She would justifiably be angry that you thought it was any of your business and I am sure she is well aware of what her DD thinks.

When I was a child I used to be petrified that my very overweight dad would die. Looking back I had developed anxiety and this was my focus.
Could your daughter gently suggest that her friend has counselling? Unfortunately, we can't change people's behaviour, only the way we react/ feel about it

Thanks all, I know not to say anything to this Mum. But I feel so bad for her DD. I'll mention counselling to my DD and she can suggest it to friend if she wants to, the school has a system.
EvilEdna, Kickingcuh and Brandnewstart - I'm sorry to hear that.

The problem with an addiction is that nothing anyone says is going to make a difference. The choice to stop is one they have make themselves. guilting never works (wish it did!)

Cold comfort for the child of a smoker.

I know babymouse - even after making the decision to quit, nicotine is so addictive that some people never manage to break the habit.

From a child's POV though, addiction must be impossible to comprehend; so a parent who smokes looks to the child as if they're choosing cigarettes over their child's happiness and security, when in fact it's just a terrifying illustration of how dangerous nicotine is.

Apparently DD's friend has already said she doesn't want to confide in the wellbeing teacher at the school.

Just to add - I know this thread could just as easily be about drinking, I'm no paragon of virtue in that regard... I won't interfere.