DH is decorating the house to sell, but only 4-5 hours a day, 4-5 days a week...

[AJ65]

He was made redundant from his teaching job this summer and we're planning to emigrate so we need the house decorated to put up for sale.

I thought it was fair enough that he took it easy over the summer and didn't hassle him for getting up late and not doing a lot around the house, but it's carried on. He gets up around 11-12 every day and mooches about for ages before getting down to some work around 1 or 2, then has to finish around 6 to get things back in order so our lives aren't completly disrupted (eg when painting the kitchen).

Meanhwile, I'm up at 7/8 every day with our daughter, working 4 days a week, and still doing most of the household stuff, although he does fix dinner on the days I have to go into the office (albeit often from stuff I've already prepared and frozen).

Because of our impending move I've been sorting stuff out and trying to declutter since January, but with him doing so little I'm getting a bit resentful that I'm expected to get stuff done in my 'spare time' while he's lying around watching TV.

I've expressed my concerns to him, especially as we're supposed to be setting up a business together when we move, but he just huffs and walks off. Shouting and rowing about it isn't going to help, but I'm getting really frustrated.

I would be very concerned about starting a business together if he can’t get this done in a timely and proactive way. It’s the stepping stone to your new life so he should be absolutely cracking on and getttge house ready to market.

Does he have a clear, written plan for the work that needs doing? Fair enough he should still be able to go for a run, read or whatever but getting up that late and working so slowly should drive me nuts.

If it’s any consolation my friend has been in a similar situation recently and it drove her mad. Maybe decorating at home alone all day is just really tough. Would he do supply work and pay someone instead?

I would be very concerned about 1) emigrating with someone like this and 2) starting a business with them!

Not a good partnership - do you really want to move away from your friends and family for this?

MatildaTheCat - he has said that he finds it difficult that he can't walk away at the end of the day, but it's still frustrating! He has signed up for cover work, but not sent in the paperwork; he really doesn't want to go back into the classroom after the last several years stress at work!

He was made redundant from his teaching job this summer

Why isnt he on an agency books instead of faffing round?

IceFall - he's a great partner in many ways and we're moving to be closer to my wider family. Also, most of our friends have moved out of London since having kids, so no real loss there and they might even visit us when we move! He's run businesses before, but was a teacher when we got together so I have no first hand experience of him doing it.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin - guess you posted concurrent with mine, above, he hates teaching now.

well, I woudl wake him up every morning as I left.
If necessary remove duvet and chuck a bucket of water over him.

Ok, bit extreme, but I would open curtain, put on light and radio as i got up and dressed, and have conversations with him about the rest of the day. Make sure he is totally awake.
If he complains, just say - for working people, the day has started, you are a working person, so I am waking you up to start the day.

Tell him he either treats the decorating as a 9-5 job, or he does agency teaching and you use his income to pay for professionals to decorate. He can't expect you to do everything while he sits on his butt.

steppemum - yeah, maybe not quite so brutal, but a cup of coffee and a qick chat before I leave might not be a bad idea.

Sausagerollers - I've never found ultimatums particularly useful and how am I supposed to enforce it?

You only do 4 days a week yourself, so he's maybe equally frustrated. Sounds like neither of you can be arsed to do a full-time job, and if you can afford it then fair enough.

Since having kids my husband and I have usually had one person who doesn't work and is responsible for childcare. It has always been the non working parent's responsibility to get the kids up whilst the working parent gets ready for work. Why don't you make him responsible for getting your daughter ready in the mornings which will force him out of bed? If he isn't keen pretend that you need to be in the office early and start leaving the house earlier.

Also YANBU he sounds rubbish and I would be suggesting he get a job. Or you could take your child out of childcare and use that money to pay for decorators.

'You only do 4 days a week yourself, so he's maybe equally frustrated.'

How do you know she's not doing compressed hours, or 10-12 hour shifts, or is it just easier for you to spew bile about 'CBA'd to work? She said she's also doing the bulk of the house and lifework. So that doesn't count in your tiny world?

harshbuttrue1980 - he WAS working f/t until he was made redundant and I worked p/t so that I could be home for childcare. Should I have worked f/t and paid someone else to look after my kid? Srsly??

How long has the decorating been going on for, and how much needs to be done? Is he decorating a mansion?

I'm just wondering, because there is a MNer on here, who recently redecorated a whole flat in a weekend.

He needs to get up in the morning, so I think the suggestion to get him awake before you leave is a good one. He could be getting DD ready while you're getting ready for work.

What's he going to be doing once the decorating is done?

it fucking hurts painting ceilings for long. or sanding down wood work, especially if you are not used to it.

Moo678 - I mostly like getting up with my daughter and walking her to school (or rather only part way now that she's at secondary and getting v independent); it's a good time to check in with her. He's more of a 'fun Dad' type and not always very good at listening. She doesn't really NEED anyone to get up with her, I just think it's nice and I'm trying not to repeat my Mum's mistakes (by secondary school I was waking her up before I went to school on my own).

Honestly, I wouldn't start a business with someone who had that attitude to work. No way. And if he had businesses in the past but went into teaching, they couldn't have worked out too well, could they?

He sounds really lazy and unmotivated. If you were moving to be near his family I'd be warning you now about going.

Thanks expatinscotland - love the term 'lifework' and there's a lot of it!!

I'm on a 0.7 FTE contract and have thought about squeezing my 4 shortish (6.5 hour) days into 3 so I could help more with the decorating and decluttering, but if he carried on the way he is I think I'd just get too ressentful!!

Why did he jack in his previous business(es) and decide to go into teaching?

I don't think its too bad.

BlackeyedSusan - I get that, I really do, but he could do more housework, take a break from decorating and do some vacuuming, clean the bathroom, put a load of laundry on, mop the kitchen floor, whatever; so that I'm not doing all that on top of working (albeit p/t) while he's watching telly!

well having come from teaching he's not used to working proper hours

Sorry, it was there for the taking

My husband does contract work so has prolonged planned periods of being off. During this time he does all the cooking, school runs (primary aged DC) and jobs. In the summer he decorated the kids room, the time before he did a personal project alongside childcare 2 days a week ( youngest not yet in school then). I would go mental if my DH did what yours would do. In fact, I recently had 2 months off work for major surgery. Apart from when I was in hospital and one or two bad days, I was always up with the kids, having breakfast with them and waving them off at the door. You need to give him a kick up the arse

I was made redundant earlier this year. We made a plan which entailed tight deadlines. Decorated house starting at top to bottom. The preparation took the longest with cleaning, sugar soap and carpet protection. We also had a list of chores that had to be done, including packing, gardening etc. It was hard work, but worth the effort to start a new life. The alternative is to pay someone to do the decorating / cleaning / move, which would be at a cost. I would be more concerned about what are your joint plans for the future. Starting your own business and moving country sounds difficult. Rather than moaning at your DH, why don't you ask what you can do to help?
It was a difficult time for us, but we supported each other.