To ask how to stop the bedtime screaming?

[evilharpy]

Posting for traffic because I am desperate.

My three year old has always been a decent sleeper and was always happy enough to go to bed. She would sing or chat to herself for a bit or look at some books and then nod off.

In the last month or so it's turned into an almighty battle with anywhere between an hour and two hours of demonic screaming every night and claiming that she's not tired (while rubbing her eyes and yawning and staring through glazed, exhausted eyes).

We've tried cutting out naps, bringing back naps, later bedtime, earlier bedtime, bribery, begging, reasoning etc etc. Doesn't matter which one of us puts her to bed. Doesn't matter if she has a bath or not, snack before bed or not etc etc etc.

If left to scream, she will not scream for a few minutes and then calm down. She will literally scream for hours. Unfortunately she has always been a massive screamer and very prone to meltdowns.

Help, before I lose my mind completely.

Dose she not realise that Santa's fairy watches out for all the good dc going to bed so Santa can get the stockings organised -?

How many times have you left her to scream until she falls asleep? It takes a while of doing this.

We have eventually intervened after she's screamed for over an hour, worried that she was actually damaging her own eardrums, or would make herself sick. She has never ever in her life screamed herself to sleep. As a baby she screamed night and day constantly until I lost my mind (not a case of leaving her to scream, she screamed whether she was being held or left alone or whatever), but she never screamed herself to sleep.

Night before last she screamed for 1h 45mins with us just briefly poking our heads round the door to check she hadn't damaged herself. Last night it was more like an hour which was a good night.

She is 3 not a baby that cant be spoken to or communicated with what time is her bedtime normally? do you think she just needs less sleep than other children do?

She doesn't really need a nap at 3 so would definitely cut those out. also try putting her to bed later but getting her up at the same time. at least then you would know if she did/didn't need more sleep.

I am a great believer in controlled crying but it only works if you really stick at it and don't give up after the first couple of nights.

you need to sort out how much sleep she as an individual needs first and then pick a bedtime that accords with this and put her to bed then using controlled crying.

it wont work straight off because she is that bit older but if you stick to it, then it will work. make a plan, get your dh/p to agree and then stick to it. I would also explain to her why you are doing it - not at night but calmly during the day.

Definitely lose the nap.

This is what worked me after many years of horrendous bedtimes.

Sat in the doorway with back to DD (had a book). She screamed for 3 hours first night. 1 hour 20 next night. 45 next night. And so on. If she shouted at me, I'd just say softly 'it's bedtime' and 'time to sleep now'.

No getting up to cuddle her, no losing temper, no chit chat. If you intervene they learn that you will eventually give in to it. This is all from 1-2-3 Magic.

are you my next door neighbour (joke) because i can tell when its bedtime next door as her little one screams the house down in pure temper tantrum, (usually shouting between sobs, no bed no bed) had forgotten now mine are grown up just how loudly a two/three year old can scream

Try a very rigid bedtime routine (no more chopping and changing although i understand why you did). Try starting it earlier because she sounds over tired.

I suggest you go and buy the Gro Clock asap!

My child was like your child, then I bought the clock, and after three days or being persistent with the gro clock she got into a routine and we have never looked back.

We started around 2.5 years old because she understood what stars were and when they came out. What the sun was and when that came out. Day and night, she understood.

I would advise you build up to it too. So begin talking about (really excitedly) the sun and how it's so bright and shiny, when the sun comes out we wake up , point out the sun and same with the moon and stars. At night time find the moon... and the stars. Talk about them. And don't forget to mention that we sleep when the stars come out!

So when it comes to using the gro clock, your DD will be able to recall everything you've spoken about.

It comes with a little book as well but I used my own build up story because every child is different. I didn't think the book would work for her.

Then what's supposed to happen is when it's bedtime and the stars appear on the clock, your DD is supposed to know to go to sleep. The purpose of the 'build up' is to make it all really exciting. And in the morning the sun comes out on the clock ... pretty self explanatory I guess.

It really worked for us but you have to be persistent for three days. We had a wobble on night one, night two was good and night three was hell but we were persistent! And night four was perfection!

Oh and let her press the button to make the stars come out but don't let her mess with the clock at any other point during the day. (Of course it's up to you)

From the above Innoticed that she was super excited to go to bed every night because she wanted to press button and watch the stars appear. Who'd have ever thought she'd be excited to go to bed!

Hope this helps! Let us know how you get on.

Munro we have a gro clock. Up until recently it worked beautifully. Then she suddenly started refusing to go to bed. It does still keep her in bed until a reasonable time in the morning. But thanks for the suggestion.

Controlled crying will not work with her. I can't actually explain how strong willed she is or how much she screamed as a baby. She would literally scream for hours and hours if allowed to. And she is SO LOUD. Her room is at the front of the house and you can hear her in the back garden.

She does seem to need quite a lot of sleep, she always has done. She still likes her nap (although we've been trialling cutting it out) but even with the nap by bedtime she is visibly shattered. I would go with overtired rather than not tired enough but it's not always possible to get her to bed earlier due to work. Currently her bedtime is 7pm, she sleeps (or used to sleep) 7-7. Plus a nap of about an hour which I appreciate sounds like quite a lot but she really did need it, especially on busier days.

We have sat and talked very calmly to her during the day about why screaming is not going to work for her and why she is not going to get her own way when she screams. She agrees with everything and promises not to scream at bedtime. And then as soon as we put her to bed it all goes out the window. We have also tried banning the telly which has upset her but not enough to stop the screaming.

Does she have something nice to look forward to the next morning? I'm wondering if shes now old enough to realise that bedtime is the end of "play time", and if the morning is all rushing around then she may not be keen to get to that instead of just staying up playing.

Yes she does. Playgroup/playdate/zoo etc. We talk about what we'll be doing the next day in the evening during wind down time (ha). A couple of times I've threatened no playgroup if she doesn't stop screaming and it's just antagonised her but not stopped the screaming. I have followed through with the threat but it's made no difference.