Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Blocked on first ..Aibu to think I must be hated?

56 replies

Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 12:53

I'm in my 30s now and had a friend since I was around 11 (il call her Louise)
I started to date her brother but we ended badly.
Me and Louise continued to be friends but there was tension.
Her brother was still apparently in love with me.
Gradually me and Louise stopped speaking.
After 18 months I re activated my Facebook account and within 20 minutes Louise had blocked me.
Her mum also blocked me (even tho she wasn't even on my friends list)
Why? After all that time?
Do you think they all must hate me?
It's just odd don't you for someone to block you without even being on your friends list.
It's a shame as me and Louise were so close,I still miss her every day.
In a way I hoped me coming back on Facebook might start a conversation

OP posts:
pictish · 24/11/2017 13:32

It's a shame but you'll have to accept that she doesn't want anything to do with you. People do tend to stick with their family. Very hurtful though.

Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 13:32

I know I wouldn't get a reply,I know how nasty they can be when they fall out with someone

OP posts:
Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 13:33

We didn't have any affair no.
He was practically living with me for 2 months then he started going to his exs for "lunch" and it went downhill

OP posts:
Mustang27 · 24/11/2017 13:33

@stitchglitched I thought it was all sounding a bit familiar.

Mustang27 · 24/11/2017 13:34

Sorry Kelly the time line was sounding very similar to that thread.

stitchglitched · 24/11/2017 13:34

So he hadn't just had a baby then? I'm sure I've read your posts numerous times on this and other forums.

MinervaSaidThar · 24/11/2017 13:37

OP, I remember you've posted about this before. Time to let it go! Don't give anyone headspace in your head rent-free!

Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 13:39

He hasn't got kids but I've got 2.
I haven't posted about him before no.

OP posts:
Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 13:40

Like j said we only dated for 2 months and he was responsible for us splitting.
They chose him over me.

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 24/11/2017 13:41

Apologies then OP, it sounded very similar to the other threads. It still sounds like she has made her feelings clear, best to accept it and move on.

Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 13:42

Its strange because the other sister always says hello and likes my pics etc

OP posts:
Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 13:43

Maybe I just need to get off Facebook and stop thinking about it all.

OP posts:
TheHodgeoftheHedge · 24/11/2017 13:43

I'm honestly a little confused as to why you're surprised they blocked you considering they went NC and blocked you on other media 18 months ago?!

Just get on with your life like you have been doing.

Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 13:45

I hate holding grudges and think life is too short.
Be adults and move on.
We didn't work as a couple but I don't hate him or them.
In hindsight I should of known

OP posts:
BlackPeppercorn · 24/11/2017 13:46

Maybe they've liked the past 18 months without their son/brother going on about you so don't want any references on FB starting to pique his interest again. Now if he ever mentions you, they can say there's no trace of you, perhaps you've moved away, end of.
So although it is about you, it's not about you iyswim.
When BIL split up with his fiancée, who I loved dearly, after some time I had to accept that in order for her to move on she had to cut contact with me - it was impossible for her to be in my life without ever hearing about BIL's life, ie when he got engaged and married and had a child. It caused her a lot of pain. I understood, but it still causes me sadness now 20 years on. (I admit to having stalked her on FB but would never send a friend request.)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/11/2017 13:46

How do you know it took your friend's mum 30 minutes to block you? Just how do you even know that?

I really am baffled at the intensity and fervency that some people put into FB.

TheNaze73 · 24/11/2017 13:50

You’re sweating the small stuff here & overthinking it.

Trinity66 · 24/11/2017 13:51

You just have to move on, you can't force her to want to remain friends, she's obviously just more loyal to her brother, which is understandable

Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 14:02

I checked.
In a way I reactivated to try and start communication again

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 24/11/2017 14:03

How sure are you he didn't tell a pack of lies to his family about the break up?
I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and became very good friends with his best friend, only for ex to intentionally stir up trouble with said friends fiancee which he made to look my fault about a year in, to cut off our friendship. It wasn't until the relationship ended i realised that he'd done it on purpose, because he was financially, emotionally and sexually abusive and i had started to confide in his friend. He clearly didn't want his facade of nice guy to be revealed as a sham to all his mates.
I continued to be good friends with one of their other group of friends but he wasnt the type of person you'd confide personal stuff to, so ex let that one be. I was also really quite close with his mum, especially after i lost mine part way into the relationship.

Both stopped talking to me when the relationship ended. It was long distance so i couldnt approach them in person to tell them what had happened, and ex controlled the break up as much as possible by insisting he wanted time to come to terms with it ending (he had forced an engagement on me) before he told friends and family, so made me pretend all was ok when talking to them till he decided to tell them it was over.
From the way things suddenly went silent from them, i am 100% certain (especially since he was a manipulative bastard) that he played the victim, claimed he had no idea why i left him, that it was out of the blue, that i broke his heart etc. In truth, i had been unhappy for a very long time, had told him numerous times he needed to change or i would leave because he was abusing me, and had already had a trial separation in which he immediately reverted back to the sweet, loving guy i first met to get me back, then within an hour of getting back together was controlling and abusive again. It had gotten to the point he was threatening to tie me up and anally rape me because i told him i would never consent to anal sex and he wanted it, as well as only being interested in violent/physically abusive sex, and wanted me to pay for EVERYTHING while he refused to work or meet the requirements to claim job seekers, whilst telling me i was useless, boring, stupid, a burden because of being disabled etc.
The absolute only reason i didnt write to his mum and confess all to her is because i knew she was already miserable. He was the only healthy baby she ever had, with miscarriages and and an autistic son whom had meant she couldnt work again, had no friends, and was isolated, whilst she had also recently found out about her husbands 5 year affair that only ended because they got caught by her husband.
Leaving him wasnt an option as she had been out of work for over 20 years, was primary carer for their autistic son, and him being self employed as a driving instructor (he'd schedule fake lessons to meet his mistress) during the recession there wasnt enough work and they were thousands in debt with less coming in than going out. No way could either have moved out as they couldn't afford where they already lived never mind 2 households. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that her only "healthy" child was a controlling, manipulative, abusive sex offender.

I also know no matter what i would side with my own sister over any other person on the planet, no matter what she had done, and regardless of how close i was ot the other person.

So yeah, whether he has claimed you were controlling and insecure (which it sounds like you could have been from your posts if he was just innocently visiting his ex, especially if he did have a baby with her as suggested by other posters who recognise you) or she has taken his side simply because that is here brother, you set yourself up to lose everything when you dated a friends family member, as unless it all works out long term, it will enver end well.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 24/11/2017 14:08

What strikes me in all of this is how indirect it is.
I would suggest contacting her directly for a frank chat and ask to be friends again.
If she refuses to see you you can't do much- that's very childish but some people can behave in that way.

CardinalCat · 24/11/2017 14:19

It's only facebook fgs. It's not like she ate your firstborn.

Stop analysing, the friendship seemed to end a while ago- you should be sad at that, not the facebook nonsense.

ButchyRestingFace · 24/11/2017 14:30

They chose him over me.

One is his mother, the other is his sister.

Of COURSE they'd choose him over you if it came to it.

tinysparklyshoes · 24/11/2017 14:32

Who cares if they blocked you on FB? They already don't speak to you, so what difference does it make?

Kellyopio · 24/11/2017 14:54

It makes no difference at all,I know I'm stupid.
I've just had such a bad run with friends recently I guess I was trying to reconnect with others.
Bad idea

OP posts: