Snowflake alert - AIBU?

[onalongsabbatical]

My first thread (well apart from some rubbish I posted about duvet covers that no-one responded to). I need a quick vent and an AIBU. My DP has just returned from visiting his son in Portugal. Son and partner have a five year old boy. Lovely boy but being brought up to be a bit snowflakey IMHO. So, in the course of conversation about the trip, DP says that son was fixing lock on little boy’s door in new house, and then said, he needs a lock on his door because when other kids visit he doesn’t like them having all his toys. AIBU to think the lock isn’t the solution, and boy should be being encouraged and socialised into reasonable sharing of toys with his mates, especially at five?

YANBU.

It's all about having good boundaries, isn't it? And respectful ways of establishing boundaries?

How do you know the 8 year old felt "upstaged"? . That sounds really peculiar; how on earth did they relay that scenario to you??

Is it not more likely that they are locking him in his room at night or when he's naughty and don't want to say that to your DP? Especially if they've just moved to the area? Their reasoning sounds like bullshit.

For the record, I'm 'quite hippy-ish' but I don't raise my children to feel self-entitled and not share and to talk over other children. It might be they just aren't great at parenting.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar you're right, I don't. I was empathising with the 8 yr old based on what my DP said. Because I worry about how the boy's being brought up. Maybe I do need to keep my beak out - I try to, actually, but he worries me. I am a worrier! Quite willing to be told IABU.

Looking at it from another way - I don't WANT to be the disapproving step-gran, but I find myself disapproving, and I'm trying to get a sense of balance so that I can speak helpfully and not cross over into interfering. If that makes sense.

They really, really won't be locking him in his room. That's the opposite of what they're like.

what was the duvet cover post about?

(misses point of thread entirely...)

btw, I agree that's a bit off about the lock and I get the 'snowflakey' comment

Isn't the lock saying to the boy that he has the right to be in control of his mates?

No, because he isn’t locking his mates in the room. He is locking the toys he doesn’t want others to play with in the room. He has a right to decide who plays with his important things. Do you lock your car? Keep your phone in your bag? Are you controlling your friends by doing so?

BTW your DP sounds insufferably smug about his DGS and you clearly don’t like the child at all.

OstrichRunning it was a household tip - I had the spectacularly brilliant idea of using a massive food clip to keep my duvet cover locked closed in the washing machine so that my whole wash didn't sneak inside it, and I wanted to share this magnificent idea with the whole world, via mumsnet.
Nobody noticed!

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried that's a fair observation, but it's the parents I have problems with, not the child. And I'm trying to modify how I feel about them and get some perspective.

I am on the fence frankly.

Yes, children should learn to share some toys AND THEIR SIBLINGS! don't get me started on that and play with their friends.

They have also a right to privacy and to have special toys not to share.

Some kids are an absolute nightmare, have no manners, and can create carnage in the blink of an eye. Locking doors so they cannot access a room and mess it up is not a bad idea at all. Parents cannot reasonably be behind the children every single second, so it's peace of mind for everybody. You can't always refuse to invite some of the trouble makers, because the children are friends, because you don't want to leave out one of the gang, because the parent is especially struggling at the moment.

In short, OP, none of your business to be so judgemental.

I bought a vacuum carpet shampooeer a few years ago and my cousin asked to borrow it. It came back leaking and never worked properly again. £300 odd wasted. I’ve since bought a new one and told no-one about it. Because they will ask to borrow it and I’m not interested in pouring more money down the drain. I would like to have the full use of it myself. I am not controlling my friends and family by doing that. I’m keeping my important thing safe for my own use.

My DP's take on it was that our boy was so very talkative and articulate that he knocked spots off the 8 year old. My immediate thought (I didn't voice it) was - how did the 8 year old feel being verbally upstaged by a 5 year old and why did that happen at a dinner with five adults?
If a parent said that to me thought I'd think something along the lines of "bless, I suspect no one else thought that."
Generally if a parent's thinking that the rest of the table is cringing.
And really, I've been parenting for 17 years now and I've never met a parent who says that sort of thing that's got a balanced view of their own child.

• share toys WITH their siblings, not sharing their siblings

Yes, that's the kind of situation where everyone else at the table is rolling their eyes and wishing the parents had brought the iPad after all...

What a bizarre thread.

Witchend my DP's the grandparent, but, yes, I did think that a bit, too.

Sloe why bizarre?

That is a great tip! Glad I asked, cheers

That is a great tip! Glad I asked, cheers

OstrichRunning lol, glad to have been of help!

What a strange thing to do! If my children were that weird about sharing I wouldn't let them have friends over until they realised that toys should be shared.
Maybe there is more to this than meets the eye.
Strange.