To not feel happy and positive.

[Purplesky2]

I usually love xmas but now DC are a bit older 10,8,6 I feel a bit sad about them growing up and not believing in Santa. DH and I are going through a really rough patch and I feel so depressed that I don’t know how to make the effort. I feel a pit of dread and panic in my stomach every day. Xmas will come and go and the dread will still be there.

It's not really about Christmas is it? As you say you're going through a really rough patch in your marriage. Holidays do rather focus the mind on our problems when we've got them.

Have you and DH acknowledged that there are problems between you or are you still at the festering silent resentment stage?

We have started some counselling but I have awful fear of it not working.

It's not about Christmas, it's about your marriage.

My kids are 15 and 12 and still find Christmas magical.

Why don't you write a list of fun things you can do? Favourite foods?

Good luck with the therapy

Christmas obviously isn’t the main issue, but there’s still plenty of lovely things to do at that age. Why not arrange a day at a xmas market with the kids? Have hot chocolate, see reindeer etc. It doesn’t have to involve Santa to be exciting and it might cheer you up.

I feel sad when I think of DS getting older. But I’ve realised that as he ages there’s so much more we can do together. Watching movies, going to museums, a bit of shopping. All things that you couldn’t have done when they were small.

My DD is 14 and we still do the pillowcase "from Santa" despite her knowing the truth for 7 years! But Christmas is hard when you're not feeling happy anyway

It's not about Christmas at all. It's about you and your DP. My DCs are young adults but we still do stockings, mince pie for the reindeer and everything else.

And I've been divorced for 6.5 years - which is completely irrelevant.

I need to look for the positives and get a grip.

Sorry @Purplesky2 I had to go off and do Real Life. And I will have to disappear again very shortly too. Massive hugs - and also, it may be worth posting in Relationships, which has a different demographic from AIBU and is less likely to be arsey and more likely to be helpful.

Yes it just the thought of not being able to enjoy xmas over all the worry. I need to focus on the good things. I don’t think relationships will help. I’ve made my mind to work at it so will.