To think at some point you have to put your dreams on a back burner

[lastqueenofscotland]

So a very very good friend of mine has just called me in tears for the millionth time.
She's an actor by trade, trained etc, and is always struggling for work, always skint, wouldn't usually make 5 figures a year. But wants what the rest of our group have, i.e. Not living with parents some have families etc but she simply can't afford to.
She rarely takes it well but AIBU to tell her she can't have her cake and eat it and if she wants that might need to look into other career options?
I feel very sorry for her but this has been ongoing for a good 4/5 years now, and she's waiting for her big break, which I'm sure a few people get but a lot don't.
She keeps calling asking what to do next and that's all I can think to say.

She won't thank you for it. She doesn't want to hear you crushing her dreams. She just wants a shoulder to cry/ moan on. Have you suggested stage school or a move to london?

Does she have a job that she does to get by like waitressing or whatever? Sounds like she needs to concentrate on earning some money but still keeping an eye on what acting jobs are around. Isn't that what all actors do while waiting for their big break?

Bluesky that's what I've been trying to tell her to do! But she won't incase she misses something/doesn't look dedicated

I'm sure she already knows it. I don't think it's necessary to tell her that but I don't think it would be unreasonable to avoid her when she's looking fir someone to moan at. It must be quite annoying especially if you have made sensible decisions yourself to get where you are.

Has she died other actors what they do to get by - what sort of jobs can be done casually so she doesn't miss anything?

Asked, not died!!

OK auditions are normally during the day

She can do evening waitressing, front of house in a club. hotel work, dresser or front of housein a theatre

There are literally hundreds of jobs that leave you free for auditions

DD is already planning the organisations she will apply to work for when she graduates next year

You need a good solid job to keep you going, ideally a zero hours one and tbh

How old is she?

My first boyfriend did practical film at university. Hell bent on being a film director. Fast forward 20 years he is a tefl teacher and living with his wife and her parents.

I would say nothing though. She wont thank you.

Putting dreams on the back burner happens when a person grows up and realises you can't get anywhere in life by dawdling all over the place hoping to make millions overnight. When your friend matures into a proper adult she will get a job and work her way up, just try not to hurt her feelings by telling her she isn't likely to make it as an actress. That's like telling a 5yo Santa isn't real

Niki she's 26.
Its very frustrating to hear her moan about money when she won't consider anything but acting

The aspiring actors I know temp, work in theatres and cinemas or teach children drama. Aspiring Actor doesn't pay the rent and most are realistic enough to know that they need to have regular work.

Its very frustrating to hear her moan about money when she won't consider anything but acting

That is frustrating. Even if she got some acting work it is likely to not last very long and not be well paid.

Can she not maybe regsiter for some extras work?

One of the aspiring actors I knew worked in a gym full time as he needed cash.

I told my mum when I was 13 that I was going to be an actor.

She said, ‘That’s fine, but get a qualification as well, because I’m not supporting you as you’ll make no money.’

So I trained to become an OT, while working my little socks off in classes, semi-pro theatre, then in pro theatre, kids’ theatre and radio. I still never made enough to live, so had to locum as well. I’d leave home at 6am and get home at midnight some days.

Now I’m just an OT. At 38, the mere thought of going back to that life exhausts me. She may well hit an age where she just CBA with the hamster wheel anymore, or find a man and want babies. There’s only one person I knew who didn’t do that and she’s still flogging the dead horse that is her ‘acting career’ - most miserable and negative person I’ve ever met. I went NC because she drove me mad.