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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to just tell my Mum?

4 replies

Mitzeeee · 22/11/2017 23:03

Usually me and my DM get on well - usually when we aren't living together. I have had to move back home (mis 20's) after my postgrad, as I am earning rubbish money and need to save. DM has said she is more than happy with this, and has been fantastic and supportive. The issue is her BFF. She is a lovely woman, but my DM feels the need to tell her EVERYTHING not only about her life (fine, her business,) but about mine too and has a huff when I call her out on it. I recently confided in my DM about an issue and asked her not to immediately get her BFF involved, and got a long lecture on how I don't want her to have any friends or be happy, and I want her to be isolated, and how her BFF would know exactly what to do....I love my DM, want her to be happy, and don't doubt her BFF would have all the answers, but I just wanted a chat with my mother! It feels as if there are three people in our relationship, and I'm greeted with a huff if I don't indulge. It has got to the point where I am reluctant to tell DM anything or ask her advice, because I know it won't stay between the two of us, which is a huge shame.

Sorry for the essay, just wondering if IABU in wanting my DM to keep my private life private, or do I need to suck it up as I'm back under her roof temporarily??

OP posts:
Handsfull13 · 22/11/2017 23:06

YANBU
I'm guessing it would be like this even if you weren't in her house. I would be reluctant to tell her anything you don't want shared. If you want to keep the peace just tell her the boring stuff so she doesn't notice you aren't telling her everything.

GrabbyMcGrabby · 22/11/2017 23:07

That sucks. Mine is exactly the same. Repeats everything to all and sundry. No discretion whatsoever. Her response when I called her out on it was 'Well, stop confiding in me then.' Nice! I have no advice but lots of sympathy. Flowers

gamerchick · 22/11/2017 23:09

I think the 2 things are separate aren’t they?

If you don’t want her to repeat anything then you don’t confide in her. If she objects then that’s her issue. It’s not something that she would kick you out for surely?

Mitzeeee · 22/11/2017 23:45

I think its the fact that I'm constantly reminded of it gamerchick, that's what is making me confuse the issues. I feel extremely grateful that my DM has given me somewhere to stay while I get back on my feet, and it is something I'm reminded of whenever she goes off on one - I get the 'You stay here rent free and try to tell me I can't have any friends!' spiel, which is absolutely not my intention. For context, I buy all my own food and make up my share of bills and council tax while I stay; I'm not trying to freeload. I feel like she uses it to guilt trip me into letting her tell her BFF my business!

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