To ask for opinions/experiences on separate beds/rooms?

[itsgoodtobehome]

Me and DH have both been suffering from colds for a week or so. We seem to be taking it in turns to wake each other up in the night with snoring, coughing, sniffing etc. Both of us get up in the morning tired and irritable after not getting a good night's sleep, and feeling ill. Last night, DH decided to sleep in the spare room to see if we could both get a better night's sleep. I was fine with this.

I woke up this morning having had an amazing night's sleep! Also DH gets up way before me, so I wasn't woken by his stupid 'o' clock alarm clock, and didn't wake until he bought me a cup of tea before he went to work. He also had a great night's sleep, and said that he might sleep in the spare room again tonight.

Part of me was thinking 'yay' another night with the bed to myself. But another part of me is thinking - is this the slippery slope to separate bedrooms, and is that a bad thing? On the one hand, I love having someone to share my bed with, but on the other hand, I also love a good sleep.

Does anyone have experience of this? I don't want to end up one of those couples who say they end up living like flatmates, but I also function so much better when I've had decent sleep!!

I would love this but any time even with coughs cold etc I have suggested it DH is genuinely hurt so it's a no go. He's the one who snores so loudly he can be heard from downstairs though so he's the one who actually gets some sleep

Won’t it be until you’re both feeling well and don’t wake each other up? If so, it’s only temporary and just so you both get a decent night’s sleep. I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about.

My DP used to sleep in the spare room lounge to stop me from waking. Enjoy the space. And sleep

We sleep in separate rooms of one of us is sick or if DH has to get up very early. I absolutely love it and he hates it, although he does admit he sleeps better! If we've a big event like a wedding the next day I force him out too...poor man

DH snores really badly. We have separate rooms but visit!! we both get a decent night's sleep! If we didn't we'd be so grumpy with each other there'd be no need for "visits"!

I think it's fine as long as you are both happy with it. It's only an issue if one of you wants to and the other doesn't.

My OH and I are planning to move in together soon. One of our main items on our wishlist for our new home is that we have room for a bedroom each. He snores (and says I fart which I definitely don't. Not as often as he snores, anyway), so we want and need our own space.

DH had the spare room a few times a week until one of the DC's had the audacity to come back home 😂
After suffering his snoring for a couple of months and being seconds from throttling him we bought a sofa bed for the lounge. He slept there last night actually as he's full of cold and coughing.

We're both happy with it because it helps us function. We're hoping to move soon and looking for a 4 bed so we can have a bolt hole when sleep is difficult.

Oh my word I would LOVE separate rooms. Let it be said that I'm deeply happy and in-love with DH but I sleep so much better when I'm not in bed with him. I have the good fortune to have a job where I have to be away a bit and I get an amazing amount of sleep when I'm away! He does too, if the kids sleep through!
It was only poor people historically who shared bedrooms. The rich always had their own bedrooms, if not their own wings! Sadly we don't have a spare bedroom....

My ex and I had separate bedrooms due to his snoring. It was essentially the beginning of the end for our relationship.

We have separate bedrooms. We still do all the things that couples do but when it is sleep time, we both prefer to sleep alone as both have quirks that irritate the other. There are no downsides at all, None! We both have a full 7-8 hrs uninterrupted sleep. What's not to like about that?

if we shared a bed, I can't stand close contact anyway when trying to sleep. Hate it.

Sleep is way more important than anything else.

We are incompatible sleep partners. I like a cold room, windows open, fan on and I average about 4-5 hours a night. He likes heat, dark, wrapped up as snug as a bug and needs a full 8 hours a night.

We go to bed together, chat, read, have sex, or hugs, and then we go to sleep in our own rooms.

We have been together for 36 years, married for 30, have two teenage boys and have slept like this for about 20 years now. Prior to that we were often grumpy and irritable because of disturbed sleep.

I don't get why people take it as a personal rejection. Sleep is one of the most important things we need for our general wellbeing.

I would love separate bedrooms as we work completely different hours most if the time and I am a terrible sleeper anyway, never mind getting woken up when he comes to bed at 2am and having to get up at 5.30!
However we have no spare rooms and currently if I happen to go into one of the kids bed if they are away DH gets weirdly upset. I think he takes it as a rejection.

We have a spare room for visitors, and lucky us, two master bedrooms with a king size bed in each (a double for the poor visitors in the spare room lol).

His snoring is so debilitating we sleep in separate rooms. It is fan bloody tastic!

I can read to whatever time I want and snooze and wake and shift around with my restless legs, and keep the duvet to myself also!

Don't worry there are plenty of opportunities for DTD, and it works very well for us. I don't see why it should be a problem if you have the room.

Remember all the aristocracy in years past all had separate bedrooms, wings, suites, whatever, and they still produced heirs.

I wouldn't worry about it OP. Enjoy your lovely sleeps separately and get together when you feel the need for a bit of intimacy.

We've had separate rooms ever since the twins were born. It's lovely! We both snore sometimes, and I like to sleep like a starfish. We only regularly share on holidays, and even then I'll creep out and sleep on the sofa sometimes.

One of my aunties swears that separate beds are the key to a happy marriage

I would love my own room. I’ve been sleeping on a sofa bed downstairs while recovering from surgery and I’ve guiltily quite enjoyed it!

We're in separate beds as ds doesn't sleep well so we take it in turns to get a proper night's sleep. Keeps us sane but I do think it's contributing to a feeling if separate lives, but maybe that's just related to having small children and would happen anyway. Kind of dreading having dh back in as I love having a bed to myself every other night!

We do this when we are ill and it makes a massive difference. Aside from a night's sleep it is infection control of sorts. As long as it isn't covering up other things and everyone is happy all good.

My DH won't hear of it, sadly (I think he worries that 'other people' will think we're not regularly shagging if we sleep apart and his fragile male ego can't handle it).

But in a previous long term relationship we did sleep apart and it was bliss. We both slept much better, and it had zero negative effect our sex life (and we had a choice of which bed to use!). Also, the odd night when we did fall asleep together all cuddly after nookie felt more special.

My DH won't hear of it, sadly - assuming you have a spare room, why don't you just move in there? Surely he is not going to physically make you join him in bed? .

My DH and I sleep separately, I find it really, really hard to share a bedroom - I don't know whether he likes the arrangement or not, but I am never sharing a room again . A good night's sleep is just so important.

DH and I do this ALL THE TIME. Sometimes just because I have a heavy period and will be getting up, moving lots in the night, or if I really want a decent sleep. If he's snoring and I can't sleep, he will move in the other room.

It's really not a bad thing unless one of you has an issue with it. It doesn't effect our relationship at all, if anything it is better as means neither of us are ever grumpy about having a bad nights sleep.

Separate rooms are the way to go. We have guests at the weekend so will have to share my the Superking size. Damn.

We always sleep in separate rooms when one of us isn't well - it just makes so much sense. Like you though, the first time we did it I was inexplicably quite upset and honestly wondered if it was the beginning of the end for us (In my defence, I was quite young...)

We've now been married for hundreds of years and still do it whenever we get a chance need to.

I also work away a lot and absolutely love sleeping alone in the hotels!

Most of the very happily married couples I know sleep separately. We've been together 20 years and it works for us. It's great. It used to be the norm and I don't actually know why people have to sleep together to claim to be shagging! Or happy!