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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be very angry?

17 replies

TiredMumToTwo · 21/11/2017 13:37

DH and I have been going through a rough patch in our relationship. It lasted about a year and had been slowly improving over the last six months or so.

With all that has gone on, our sex life fizzled out & died for quite a while & again we seem to be slowly getting back on track although my libido is def not all that it was say two years ago before all the drama.

So last night my DH mentions sex three or four times over the course of the evening- in jokey ways but it’s clear that he wants sex. I kind of bat him away and also remind him I’m still on my period so not feeling up for it.

In bed that night, I wake up with him rubbing my thigh so I bat his hand away, this happens a second time & I say “no thank you” slightly crossly. Then in the middle of the night, I wake up & he’s rubbing me in between my legs obviously trying to get me horny so I’ll wake up & have sex with him.

This makes me livid as I’ve already said no a number of times & it feels like he’s just disregarded my feelings & “taken what he wants” anyway.

Aibu to feel like this or am I overreacting? He wants to “talk” tonight as he’s realised he’s pissed me off but I don’t know what to say.

OP posts:
dinahmorris · 21/11/2017 13:40

Say "touching someone's genital area without their consent is sexual assault". You are not in any way overreacting. You said no, that should have been the end of it.

Sorry this happened to you Flowers

Namechangetempissue · 21/11/2017 13:40

No YANBU. You said no, you mean no. He shouldn't be touching you intimately while you are asleep, that is creepy and not on at all, especially as he knows you did not want to have sex.

EleanorXx · 21/11/2017 13:41

Yadnbu he is assulted you

EleanorXx · 21/11/2017 13:41

*has

Soubriquet · 21/11/2017 13:41

Tell him NO means NO!

Angelwendy · 21/11/2017 13:42

I'd be fuming. My OH can be a bit pushy when he's horny but as soon as I say NO he doesn't ask again. And he would never start touching me intimately if he knew I wasn't 100% wanting it. You need to sit your OH down and tell him he must never, ever under any circumstances do something like that again or it will be the end. It's sexual assault!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/11/2017 13:42

You are not unreasonable to be very angry. You would not be unreasonable to kick him in the bollocks.

This is sexual assault. This is serious.

And for me, this would be the end the relationship.

So sorry he did this to you OP. Flowers

Wolfiefan · 21/11/2017 13:42

You say no.
He tries anyway.
You are asleep.
He sexually assaults you.
You say no. That means no.
He's an arsehole.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 21/11/2017 13:44

YANBU at all. He's sexually assaulted you. Has he got form for not taking no for an answer?

BMW6 · 21/11/2017 13:45

Tell him he has really pissed you off for not taking your clearly stated NO seriously, and the way he is going is not likely to resume any kind of sexual relationship at all.
Do YOU think you have a future together? How do you want to move forward if you do want to stick with him?

octoberfarm · 21/11/2017 13:46

I don't think you're overreacting at all - id be absolutely livid. He heard you repeatedly say no and he decided to overrule that and prioritize himself over you. He needs to understand that this isn't just a matter of you being pissed off - what he did is considered sexual assault. I hope you're okay Flowers

Travis1 · 21/11/2017 13:47

YANBU. That would leave me constantly on edge. I'm really not sure I could sleep beside him again.

scrabbler3 · 21/11/2017 13:48

I'm really sorry to hear this.

Be prepared - the "talk" later may be a whinge about the lack of enthusiastic sex rather than an attempt to express remorse.

IslingtonLou · 21/11/2017 13:52

Yanbu, that’s awful. His persistence for sex and disregard for your feelings is a major issue.

It’s fine to see if you’re up for sex, but to KEEP bringing it up after you have said no several times; to then touching your body when you don’t want it; to finally intimately rubbing you WHILE YOU SLEEP after refusing sex that many times is vile.

When you talk to him, he needs to clearly recognise his behaviour and make sure this never happens again. At best he was inconsiderate, at worst pervy & abusive - it doesn’t matter that you’re married. You’re not his little sex slave that’s his whenever he wants it - he should respect your feelings. You were on your period too so understandable that you were absolutely not up for it

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/11/2017 17:15

Hi OP,

How are you feeling today? Did you have 'the talk'?

Ttbb · 22/11/2017 17:25

YANBU. For that I would have got some period blood on my fingers and smeared it on his face just to teach him a lesson.

Pumperthepumper · 22/11/2017 17:46

Definitely not unreasonable, I’d be livid too. Urgh, what an absolute prick.

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