To not want a dog?

[FleeceyButterfly]

We already have a cat, who yes was bought for me, and is great company but I don't want a dog.

We have a 2 year old DD who has some extra issues, and can spend whole days (6-8 hours) out of the house at her appointments. I work, albeit part time but do 24 hours a week over 3 days so am out the house 8 hours a day on those 3 days as well. No option to work from home.

DH thinks we can make it work. He works variable shifts between 25 and 35 hours a week with no set pattern. He thinks we can get a dog walker at lunchtime on those 3 days I work if he's not here and maybe an extra day per week if I;m out the house. He thinks I could walk to Nursery in the morning with DD, the pushchair and the dog then do the same at nighttime, forgetting that dogs aren't allowed onto the Nursery premises and there's nowhere really for a dog to be tied safely where I could see it inside the Nursery.

We've just moved house, from a flat to a 2 bed house with garden but I still don't want a dog. I just think a dog is incompatible with our life style. DH says it's not fair as I have the cat and I am getting a fish tank soon - I think it's different. My DM will come in and look after the cat; feed her, change the litter tray etc would also feed fish, but my DM will not walk a dog as she doesn't want one. PILs have a dog but he's not friendly of other dogs so can't see them agreeing to look after our dog as well, so then it's kennels etc which is costly. We can afford it but I just think it wouldn't be fair to the dog.

So I told DH I'd post on here and ask you lot whether you think getting a dog is a good idea?

Absolutely no. Dogs are a nightmare when not wanted or not given adequate time and attention.

Sounds to me like you have 2 children op so why take on a dog?

Your dh is being utterly ridiculous

the cat has lived with a dog before we got her so they'd keep each other company

Keep each other company how? The cat would take the dog for walks? Throw a ball for the dog to fetch? Play boisterous games of rough and tumble? How exactly does he envisage this magical, dog-watching cat to help out?

Or is he thinking that it would be ok to leave the dog by itself for long stretches of time because "the cat will be there". If so, I'm afraid to have to tell you that your DH is an idiot

A dog is a massive commitment. My kids have been on at me for years to get one but I've held out. I know they'd initially be all keen to look after it, but eventually it would all fall on me. I have enough responsibility in my life to not want an extra weight.

My Mum used to just go and get animals, and they'd be her passion for a couple of weeks then she'd get bored and my Dad would have to look after them. She still does it now. They have 3 dogs at present!

Nope from me.

Sometimes I think it would be nice, because I love animals and walk alot, I also work from home.

But I know I would end up doing all the walking in the rain, the baths because the dog was muddy, I couldn't power walk because the dog would want to sniff and wee and meet people. I invest a lot of time, money and love into my animals but I know deep down a dog is not for me.

Your husband is committing your time to something he wants. NO.

Agreed send.
The cat will let the dog in the garden? Cuddle it if it's lonely?

So he wants a dog but expects you to do the majority of the walking. I love dogs but would never have one. They are a massive commitment. Walking to nursery and back will not be enough exercise for most dogs. And even if it was try pushing a pushchair and holding a lead in ice. Also is he thinking a puppy or older dog? If a puppy someone will have to train it, be with it the majority of the time at first, clean up it's accidents, all on top of looking after a 2yo. And then the dog will need a quiet place it can get away from your DD in a 2 bed.

I really wouldn’t advise it. We have a dog that I love with all my heart, I honestly love him as much as my daughter (albeit in a different way). But as strong as I feel and considering that, I still think it’s a bad idea.

You can never, ever leave a dog alone with a child. No matter how lovely the dog, no matter whether it’s small or never shown any sign of violence. They are an animal and as such are unpredictable. No matter how much you love them, you categorically cannot trust them with a small child. This adds extra hassle which I don’t mind because the dog came along long before baby, and I don’t believe the dog should be dumped because of a baby, but I wouldn’t bring one into our lives if we didn’t already have one.

He wants an older dog, either a rescue or to rehome one off Facebook or somewhere similar.

Do NOT take a random dog off gumtree or FB. You could be taking on a world of issues.
No rescue worth the name will put a dog into a home with a very young child.

I'd love another cat but our current one is very tolerant off DD, who likes to wrap it in blankets, play doctors with her, feed her bits of chicken/pasta/anything else off her plate, the cat will sometimes even sit in DDs dolls pushchair and get taken for a walk around the garden and downstairs and still at the end of the night will curl up next to DD on the sofa to watch ITNG. It wouldn't be fair for another cat to be thrown in to that. Also DDs extra needs weren't known when we got the cat, and they could be life long, I can see us managing DD and our current cat if DDs conditions were forever but I don't want to put us in a position of having to rehome a dog or cat because we can't cope as DD gets older. Like I said DCat is quite laid back and although gets a bit grumpy if we're late feeding her or might knock a duvet off the bed, she pretty much sleeps on the windowsills all day when we're not here I asked the neighbour to check on her once when we were out for 10+ hours and apparently DCat was just snoozing on the windowsill in mine and DHs room Plus if absolutely necessary my DM would take DCat and home her for us.

I do see the benefits of pets for children, teaching responsibility, helps immunity etc, but I just think we have enough on our plates without adding a dog or another cat into the mix.

We moved about 6 months ago, but it's taken awhile to feel settled and sorted as due to DDs extra needs it doesn''t feel like we spend much time here sometimes.

I couldn't get past the 'DH says it's not fair'. Is he 6?

'Fair' would be to have a cat each (though your cat might disagree with that one).

Your cat clearly doesn't mind being treated like that. (Cats are pretty good at making their opinions known!)
But a dog? A rescue dog of unknown background? That's how kids end up in A and E. Dogs end up seized and destroyed.

He wants an older dog, either a rescue or to rehome one off Facebook or somewhere similar.

Rehome a dog 'off Facebook'? He actually said that?!

Ok, you can stop listening to your DH right now, because he is an idiot. You have a two year old and he would be fine with rehoming a dog passed on by some random online. Well the answer to that from anyone with a brain is no. Not unless you really want to play roulette with your child's safety.

It's not even just 'making time' and squeezing in the walks etc. A dog needs as much attention as possible. The more time you have - real time, to train, socialise, to put INTO the dog - the better pet it will be. You sound like the kind of setup where if you were to get a dog, it would end up being a fairly unsatisfying experience for all concerned as you just wouldn't be able to bring out the best in the dog. Your very thick DH's comment about the cat says it all. Oh it will be ok because of X. But winging it and it being kind of ok is what ends up with a stressed, slightly unfriendly, nervous and barky, bloody fucking irritating dog that just hasn't had the attention and time it really needs - the kind of dog that someone like your DH will quickly get bored of and start complaining about, because to go from new doggy to loyal amazing Lassie takes HARD WORK AND LOADS OF TIME.

Maybe show him this thread. Your family, and especially him, are textbook examples of people who should not get dogs, but often do. You have the sense to know this!

Please do not get a dog, your set up would be an incredibly miserable set up for any dog.

Asides from that dog's require mental and physical interaction and training in order to become the perfect pet - it takes months of training and with a two year old you couldn't do it.

The cat does not give a shit about having a friend, cats are solitary animals and don't need company.

Dont get a dog - I had one of my lovely girls put to sleep last week and whilst I have many years of lovely memories with her, the last year has been very hard and the actual act of having her pts was harder than I dreamed it would be.

Many people (me included) think about the here and now of having a dog without taking into consideration that they often live for well over a decade, needing thrice daily walks as a minimum, looking after and planning for if you want a night out, weekend away, holiday etc. And your lifestyle will change as your children get older.

Everyone in the household needs to be 100% wanting a dog if it's going to work.

And I do home checks for a rescue. I wouldn't pass you for any dog I've ever worked with, even if you were wildly enthusiastic for one. Small child with additional needs, cat and work patterns all against.

And informal rehoming/purchase off Facebook etc, well we all know what the pitfalls are there!

You'd be mad with that kind of schedule and lifestyle. Cats are way less of a tie. I love my dogs and can't imagine life without them but I wouldn't in your situation.

Btw I second Oh dear God the mud. You know that Flash advert with the poodle? It has nothing on 2 Labradors.

Nope. If he talks you into it now you'll have a shit year of things not working out, for all the reasons you have correctly identified, and then you'll be falling out again over whether to rehome it. Which, if you have taken on an older rescue dog in the first place, will be very difficult. Don't put yourselves or the dog through it.

YANBU. Dogs and cats are completely different. Cats are (relatively) low maintenance and are happy to sleep/amuse themselves while you aren’t there. Dogs need a lot more company and a lot more work. Sounds like your DH is expecting most of the work to fall to you too.

if all the looking after would come down to you, then its absolutely your choice. I wouldnt want a dog

Oh and the cat wasn't 'bought for you.' Because it's an animal, not a pair of earrings.

What happened was that you said you would like the family to get a cat, and your DH agreed, so you did. That is what happens with pets. They are categorically not 'presents' for people.

The same thing is happening now, but you have very wisely said that you will not commit to a dog, which is in another league entirely when it comes to care.

The cat does actually love DH as well, he'd just prefer her to be a dog.

I think his wish for a dog is because his parents got a dog after years of him asking when he was 19, and 18 months later he moved in with me and couldn't bring the dog with him but all 5 members of the household wanted the dog and MIL and FIL work opposing shifts (MIL works 7am-2pm FIL works 2pm-midnight) so at most their dog is left for an hour, but often not even that because SIL is only at Uni 3 days a week and BIL is in 6th form so home at the end of the school day. They have a completely different lifestyle to us due to their children being older. He loved having a dog, and regularly did 1 or 2 of the walks a day but we just can't fit a dog into our day.