Well, not unreasonable as such, but concerned that woman at dd's nursery looked 'shocked' when dh told her which school we are thinking of for her, opinions please

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Dd goes to a v sweet nursery. It's about ten mins from our house and we're v happy with it. She has a friend there who she talks about a lot. The nursery appears to have a fairly affluent clientele, i.e. most of them have much nicer cars than we do, said friend has her own pony, they're all called Tarquin and Persephone (well, not really but ykwim) etc.

Anyway, dh was talking to dd's friend's mother as he walked in to get dd today and the exchange went:

OTHER MOTHER (OM): My dd gets on so well with your dd, she talks about her all the time!
DH: Oh so does our dd, they're obviously great friends, it's nice.
OM: It would be lovely if they were going to the same school wouldn't it?
DH: Yes, where's x going?
OM: To And your dd?
DH: Probably to the same one our ds goes to

OM: Oh.

Ds's school just had an outstanding Ofsted. I like the head. He is v happy there. But there are lots of sweet not particularly over subscribed but small and cosy village schools around here. And ds's school is big and I want to know WHY she made that face.

Part of me wants to invite the friend and the mum for tea so I can grill her. Shall I? We chose ds's school very fast as we moved v quickly but as I said, he's happy there. We could however, make a different decision wrt dd, because we have a bit more time to look around/choose.

Views? Even if it is that I am being, erm, silly.

yes, think yoiiu're being silly - does her opinion matter that much?

Sure she wasn't just disappointed that it's a different school?
Otherwise, yes, ask her round - will pput your mind at rest, and it might be good to ahve a freind who would share pick-ups and after-school tea etc.

But apart from her reaction, all the signs about the school are good, aren't they? She may just be being snobbish and Persephone-ish.

Yes you're being silly but if it were me I'd really really want to know why she looked "distasteful" (great word - not used enough). Ask her round and grill her!

www is your ds happy, Its great thta it has a good offsted report, but sometimes its not about the results but about if they are comfortable and happy in school.

YOu probably know the school in question much better than she does, so are probably better qualified to give an opinion on it. Why should it matter what she thinks? You have picked what you think is the best school for your dd. Do you still think that from what you know this is true? If so be confident in your descision. You know both the school and your dd better than she does.

Message withdrawn

I would want to know why she reacted like that too, but I wouldnt want her to think her opinion really mattered so I would forget it and live with the mystery.

I'd really guess it may have been more disappointment, rather than distaste. She and your DH had just had a conversation about how nice it would be if your DDs went to the same school, and then it had just emerged that they wouldn't be.

I would invite her and the DD round because if she and your DD are good friends it would be nice to keep that up even if it takes extra effort (like having her round regularly), and it's a good chance to pilot that. You could then casually steer the subject round to schools and see what emerges, if you're worried (but if she wants your DD to go to the same school as hers badly enough she might be inclined to slant things, I suppose).

I think she was probably just hoping the children were going to the same school and was disappointed to find out that wasnt the case.

If you already have a child at the school you know what its like so I really wouldnt worry.

Invite her round so she knows you will try to encourage the friendship even if they do go to separate schools.

if your ds is happy there, and the school gets good results, then I bet it was snobbery. probably find her cleaner's children go there, or something!

From the conversation quotes it sounds more like she was disappointed that your DD and her DD weren't going to be together.

I take it you weren't there...? So it could be just your DH's interpretation of the conversation and your interpretation of his interpretation iyswim.

What I would do (in your shoes) is go to pick up your DD next time and try to engineer the same conversation with her, ie start talking about schools. Ask her which school she's thinking of for her DD. Then ask her why she chose it and solicit her opinion of your DD's school, ask her if she knows anyone who goes there. Face-to-face you'll be able to judge her reaction better.

Dh was concerned enough about her reaction (and he's a perceptive person) to talk to me about it in an 'oh god, do you think we made a mistake with that school' kind of way. I guess we wouldn't change it now for ds, no matter what, because he's 10 this year, there's no point and he's getting great teaching. But we might make a different decision for dd, given more time here etc. And I had a little niggling feeling when I went to pick ds up from a party when he first started there and the birthday tea was vagina burgers in a VILE place where people were smoking and I thought omg, have I chosen the wrong school?"

Dh said he reckoned she and I would get on (althoguh he then said she looked 'polished' hmm, I am SO NOT polished atm) so yes, I think I'll write a note inviting her for tea with her dd and then I will grill her.

God, I'm judging aren't I?

And yes, my ds is happy there, I guess it's not him I'm worried about!

sounds like the woman is perturbed by the lack of pony-riding children at your ds' school.

update here for anyone who's interested