to expect my friend to tell her ds off when he hits, pushes and kicks my dd?

[mmmmchocolate]

Our children where born within a day off each other so close in age. but her ds can not leave my dd alone. he pushes her, hits her, kicks her, steals her toys. in space of an hour today she had cried 7 times because of him. and she is not a wimpy girl. in the end i said to friend ' come on thats the 5th time he has hit her are you not gonna tell him off' and she said ' if i did that i would be telling him off all the time'. that has really upset me as it makes me feel she thinks its ok for her ds to hit my dd. they are 2 1/2.

My ds is the same age and while there is a lot of this sometimes, they really are at an age where they can be taught that it is not ok to do this. It's not good enough that she can't be bothered. Just what is she teaching him?!!

She should be addressing this, whether or not she'd be telling him off all the time. It's very common for children of this age to do this, but she does need to start showing him that it's not nice to hurt people. Her attitude is worse than his behaviour, really.

I wouldn't allow them into your home unless she agrees to try and address the problem. It's not fair on your dd, and it also gives her the message that it's OK to hit and shove other children.

Message withdrawn

he does single my dd out but will push and hit other children. i am syarting to get embaressed by him as you can see other mums looking at us waiting for him to be told off.

Well, in that case you will have to tell him off for her.
Personally I would tell my ds off for that sort of behaviour and I also wouldnt mind someone else telling him off as long as they did it appropriately.

tried that and she said please don't tell him off. i don't ivite her over anymore and also the dancing lessons i found and booked for my dd i have had to stop as he goes and ruins it for her.

my ds2 was like this when he was 2 1/2.i always told him off and used 'time out' or whatever was appropriate for where we were,and yes,i was telling him off nearly all the time,but he had to learn that hitting (especially girls) was unacceptable.

he will be 4 in july and hes still boisterous and enojoys play fighting with his nursery friend but he never hits girls or anybody smaller than him,even his 16 mo sister when she hits him over the head with toys etc

Then she will find herself with no friends. It's her problem, don't let her attitude bring you down. Not everyone is like that.

I see where she is coming from regarding "I'd be telling him off all the time" BUT she should at least step in every few times he does it or he will think it is acceptable.

My ds, 2 and a bit, who is very energetic and sometimes hits etc. I am CONSTANTLY telling him off and I see this as my responsibility.

Nonetheless, I OFTEN witness "quieter, calmer" children surrepticiously hit my ds or grab a toy from him and the child's mother either doesn't see it or assumes that my ds started it.

It really p**s me off at times because I think that it is just always easiest to blame the naturally extroverted child if you are not paying attention to what is going on every moment - and because my child can be a handful I already pay closer attention than alot of other Mother's seem to do.

All I am saying is that before you say anything more to your friend about her child's behaviour, do ensure that you are responding adequately to your own child's misdemeanors or you risk possibly being hypocritical.

"My ds, 2 and a bit, is very energetic and sometimes hits etc."