To feel jealous of colleague

[moutonfou]

I know I ABU but can't seem to stop it!

I have a colleague at work who I find very fake. She acts like everyone is her best friend, is always bringing up 'in-jokes', and is super needy, for example always going on about how busy/stressed she is or being dramatic about every little thing. What irks me is that it seems to work and everybody makes a massive fuss of her.

I just can't be that kind of person. I'm the kind of person that just gets on with my work rather than shouting about it, and lets friendships naturally form rather than being sickly friendly with everyone. So the relative 'fuss' that I get is astronomically lower. And I know I have no right to be jealous because I won't 'play the game', but I am.

How do you shut down the green-eyed monster?!

If you’re jealous of the attention she gets, it implies you want attention for yourself but can’t get it so easily.

So I think the question is - why do you need that attention?

I’ve worked with people like this male and female, and beyond the daily dramas being mildly annoying, I couldn’t give a hoot what attention they get.

How do you shut down the green-eyed monster?!

By focussing on the good things in your life and working on those things you would like to be different.

The more you think about her and her behaviour the worse you will feel. This might sound horribly patronising but I often think of people like that as being like a puppy that has been neglected. She needs the attention, you don’t. If you do want more attention then work on becoming more like the person that you want to be.

Tooearlyfordecorations you sound very nit picky. Hope people dont think similar about you.

Can you define exactly what you’re jealous of? Jealousy implies that you actively want something of someone else’s - can you pin down what you want?

There was someone like this at my old workplace. Real queen bee, drama queen type. I was always baffled at how popular she was and is. But not jealous - I have no desire for anything of hers. I found her strangely irritating and I’m still not sure why - people don’t isually get under my skin. I suspect it was that she was feted for several qualities I know I actively dislike and try not to have myself. That’s my problem though - sort of an indirect criticism of my persona - look at this person! She is everything g you actively try not to be and people LOVE it.

I’ve know her a while now and I actually think she’s quite insecure, and her life is rather difficult in many ways.

I think it would help to pin down which bits you’re actively coveting and which bits irritate you.

Oh my god, you are at work not high school. Grow up and do your job

I agree with this. You're there to work and hopefully make a few friends in the process, but not to be wasting energy with 'she's more popular than I am.'

She acts like everyone is her best friend, is always bringing up 'in-jokes', and is super needy, for example always going on about how busy/stressed she is or being dramatic about every little thing

None of this makes her a bad person. It doesn't make her a bitch. It doesn't make her anything apart from who she is. You're the one who doesn't like her. That's fine, you're entitled to it.

I just can't be that kind of person. I'm the kind of person that just gets on with my work rather than shouting about it, and lets friendships naturally form rather than being sickly friendly with everyone.

You're the one who sounds a bit mean OP. You do it your way, she does it hers. People are different. That's life, innit?

I'm super friendly, usually upbeat, love chatting to people. Some people see that as insincere. But once they get to know me they know I really am like that. Maybe you should take her at face value and get to know her. Not all friendly extroverts are shallow dramaqueens, some of us are just very social!

Also, I tend to keep my pals for years after we've stopped working together or whatever. I guess they like my friendliness!

She's just playing the game.