600 miles travel at 38 weeks...?

[xmastraveller]

My 38th week of pregnancy coincides with Christmas week. I have, perhaps foolishly, agreed to do a fair amount of travelling that week. I have always tried to be fair in splitting time between my family and my in laws.

Essentially DH works/lives during the week in a different city to me, which is approx two hours drive away from our new house. He then travels home on his days off/weekends. Of note his work place is about 45 mins drive from his parent's house, although he does not stay there during the week. He has saved up all his leave (as well as paternity leave) for the six weeks after our baby is due so he can be around after the birth. However, it means that he is working lots of shifts the month before the baby arrives. After that, thankfully he is moving to a job a little closer to home. I don't have much support locally in the city where I live as we have only recently moved here. I think I will feel uncomfortable living on my own so late on I pregnancy. I have therefore have decided for the final month to base myself mainly at my parents house, an environment where I feel at ease, prior to my due date. There I have both my mum and sisters on hand, who I am close to and would feel comfortable having them there to support me if I were to unexpectedly go into labour. They also live in a town with a good public transport network so I can still go about my business without having to depend on others necessarily.

My parents live 100 miles away from our new house but it's a pretty easy journey on the train so my plan is to travel back and forth to/from antenatal appointments/classes etc.

My inlaws live 250 miles away from my parents. I know that they would have liked to spend more time with us in the second half of pregnancy & feel a little neglected but with moving house and DH living away things have been so busy that we have not really seen either set of parents much lately.

It is their turn for Christmas this year, so I'd planned to get the train down from my parents to the nearest station to my in laws on either the 23rd or Christmas Eve morning and staying until Boxing Day. As I also have an antenatal appointment earlier in that week that takes me up to almost 600 miles of travelling, mainly alone on a train, whilst 38 weeks pregnant. Just about do-able but I think it'll be incredibly tiring.

The thing is that there is a landmark birthday in the in laws family that week as well. I'd presumed DH and I would just mark it when we had planned to be there. However they have only just mentioned they would like to celebrate this with DH and I earlier in the week. This would mean that I have to either squeeze in another 500 mile round trip in to that week or I stay down at the in laws for the whole week. The problem is my DH will be working so if I do go in to labour, I'll just have my in laws around and feel really awkward. They also live in the middle of nowhere so I would be dependent on them for lifts to do anything.

DH has already replied yes to his mother, without discussing it with me, presuming I'd travel down after my antenatal appointment & base myself with his parents the week before Christmas instead. This potentially would mean less travelling overall and he can't see the issue as I'll see my parents the week before and after xmas week. I've made it clear that I don't want to do this.

He's now back tracking to his
DM but it's clear that it's me that has put the kaibosh. Everyone is now upset and had I not been so heavily pregnant, I could perhaps understand why it may be seen as offensive to my in-laws. I just feel that this is a lot to expect of a heavily pregnant woman.

Sounds stressful and too much. My first baby was born at 37 weeks.

Having had a Christmas baby, I swear that it was the riding on a donkey that sent Mary into labour

Don't do anything you don't want to. It sounds too much for you, and even if you're feeling half decent now, those last couple of weeks are so uncomfortable for most people. You could be getting lots of warning aches and twinges brewing up as your body prepares.

SPD made me less mobile, but by 38 weeks, I hadn't fitted in the driver's seat for two weeks and couldn't stagger to the end of my road, let alone get to the bus stop 350m away. Baby was a few days early and the last week was on red alert and playing things by ear because of lots of warning symptoms brewing up.

You are insane to even consider this. What if you went into labour on the train? An adult’s birthday does not trump the impending arrival of a baby. Tell them no and DH needs to start putting his pregnant wife first. Stay at home for Christmas.

No don't do you will be exhausted.

Also dd1 arrived at 38 weeks.

No I wouldn’t, not a chance.

I've had to do a lot of Christmas train travel over the years. It will be heaving - I'd hope someone would give you a seat if you haven't booked one - but people will be dragging suitcases, gifts, etc etc. It's really unpleasant - and that's if they run on time.

You'll be knackered and presumably lugging stuff too. Don't do it.

Birthday celebrations can wait. Christmas will be back again next year. Prioritise yourself and don't be pressured.

That’s a ridiculous end to your pregnancy and of course you are
not being unreasonable. I think you should go back to your parents and relax there and then do the journeys to your appointments as and when. Your husband needs to be close and on hand to be able to support you where possible. I’m afraid it’s just not about the in-laws this Christmas even if they don’t see it as ‘fair.’

It’s good to try and include your in-laws as much as possible, but unfortunate they aren’t going to be the same as your parents and sisters
at this vulnerable time, because they aren’t.

Decide what you want to do and lay down the law.

Christ no!

Haven’t read the full thread, but honestly I wouldn’t be going to the in laws at all... I’d hate to go into labour so far from home. You’d end up at a different hospital to the one you’ve planned, and you then have to work out how you’re going to get your little newborn back home.

In terms of the travelling itself, I was far too uncomfortable to be doing that at 38 weeks, but I did have PGP which was probably a big factor.

I am 38 weeks now... I am not going anywhere! I'm struggling with school run and supermarket trips, there's no way I'd manage public transport on my own and I'd be worried about going into labour too.

Can one of your sisters come and stay with you at your house so you're not on your own? If not, then do the move to your parents and the appointments but nothing else!

Is it your first baby? One of the first thing you realise as a parent that you sometimes have to proritise yourself and your baby over others and sometimes those others will be pissed off but that's too bad.

I had first at 37 weeks second at 35. My parents wanted to arrange a big weekend for a landmark birthday 3 hours drive for us when I was 37 weeks. I refused to go. Not a popular decision (first babies are always late apparently). My waters dramatically broke on the Saturday morning we would have been away so good call!

I think you’re superwoman even for attempting the “based at my parents and travelling for antenatal appts” bit. I’m 35 weeks pregnant, and can just about manage a 35 minute ride on public transport to my antenatal appts on the same side of London. Every pregnancy is different of course, but if this is your first one you may be seriously underestimating how exponentially your discomfort grows as the weeks pass. I could and did easily host 8-9 people for dinner at 32-33 weeks, and build some Ikea furniture. I’d punch someone who suggested doing the same now a fortnight later.

Haha no.

Stay at home, if you need company ask people to come to you.

Seriously set this message out loud & clear now because when the baby arrives you are very probably not going to want to jump between places all the time.

OP, be serious.
At 38 weeks you could very well labour or have even given birth.

Practicality wise - where are you actually booked to give birth? If it’s Hospital, you need to be within a reasonable distance of the hospital you’re booked to have your baby at. Therefore, if you’re booked at the hospital near home and labour at your parents or PILs, and turn up at another hospital, the other units will not have any of your blood results, medical history etc. Not entirely safe or responsible.

You’ll also feel heavy, uncomfortable, grumpy and you’ll likely just want to be in your own space, not traveling to the arse end of beyond all the time.

Can’t your parents come to you for a few days, then PILs come to you for a few days, then you spend christmas at home together awaiting events? Why do YOU have to be the one spending all this time travelling around, heavily pregnant and potentially ready to labour at any point.

What if you start to labour in the train with no way of getting from some random station to a local hospital? Not all stations are manned, not all stations will have waiting taxis outside.

What happens if you’ve already given birth? Will you be carting your newborn around all over the place to appease other people?

This plan is pretty ridiculous under usual circumstances, but adding in a full term pregnancy is lunacy.

OP you seriously need to reconsider.

No way! I gave birth at 38 weeks.
I was supposed to be at a wedding that week a 2 hour drive away and l cancelled. Glad I did
You should be relaxing. It’s tiring and uncomfortable at that stage!
Lots of luck. Enjoy x

If you need an official 'NO' to appease the ILs, then speak to your midwife. I'm sure she will strongly advise against this

At 38 weeks I was too massive and sore to even cross London to go to my very best friend's hen party (civilised afternoon tea)- SPD had kicked in at 36 weeks and stairs were impossible.

My first two kids came at 38+2.
Went into labour with the first at 38.

You can plan all you like. Baby might have a different plan!

Crazy!....you may be feeling great at the moment, but there's another 5 weeks till Christmas and by then you will be exhausted and huge!
No way would I be thinking about squeezing on a crowded , uncomfortable train. You should be 'nesting' at home and your inlawas and parents visiting you! Never mind about significant birthdays either....and forget about 'whose turn' it is for Christmas this year and think about you and your baby....time to be a bit selfish I think

"Pils, I've been thinking about this, and it really isn't doable, I'll be the size of a house and probably exhausted and the trains will be heaving!. I know I said I could, but I can't. I'm sorry that I'll have to miss the party and Christmas with you, but I'm sure you'll understand. We'll have a separate celebration later with the baby"

"Of course, XT. What a relief-,we thought you were being a bit bonkers, but we didn't like to say. Take care of yourself, and we'll see you very soon"

Hell no! Oh no no no no NO!
Stay wherever you’re comfortable and try to cut down the too-ing and fro-ing. I understand not wanting to be on your own is there any way your parents and sister could move xmas to you?
If not travel up and stay put! FaceTime on the landmark birthday and wish them well then put it right out of your mind.
You’ll be days away from giving birth if you haven’t already and shouldn’t be doing much of anything!

Oh and also once baby is here you need to move away from the idea of ‘turns’ when you have a toddler wanting to open special gifts in their own home and race around on whatever it is that santa has brought (like you used to probably) you need to accept (and more importantly the parents involved need to accept) that you and DH aren’t the babies anymore. Put your foot down now and it will be easier than in a few years.

At 38 weeks I could barely manage the effort of moving out of the armchair. At 37 weeks I was full of energy and feeling good. I had a sudden energy slump pretty much exactly at 38 weeks and felt very uncomfortably large. That much travel at that stage in my pregnancy would have been horrible.