To be scared of dying during childbirth

[Housequeen101]

Am I? Is this a reasonable fear? I'm lying in bed and my heart is racing.

I have an anxiety disorder, which I was taking medication for previous to becoming pregnant. Due to effect it can have on baby and medical advice, I'm not on them, so it's a high possibility I'm being irrational.

This is my second child and the thought of dying In childbirth (or in general) is making me feel sick, googled it (obviously that was a terrible idea) and the stats are like 1 in 7000, that's high?!?

Not even sure what I'm asking you mums for, I don't want to let the anexity win but the stats are scary.

My daughter is mostly an angel in every aspect, sleeps through the night from early age, doesn't really misbehave etc. so I feel like Im "owed" some bad to even it out. I promise I'm not usually such a drama queen

X

This is the main thing that makes think twice about having a second, and I'm not usually an anxious person. I did feel very shocked after my first birth, like I'd come really close to dying and it scares me to do it again.

Not saying it's rational or statistically likely but it scares me too.

Were those stats for the UK?

Firstly - - you are not alone. It's actually a common and normal fear. I have anxiety too and this fear almost cripples me sometimes (and has stopped me trying again). I don't know what to say other than don't beat yourself up, you are not alone, and those stats sound way too high -80% of statistics are made up remember! Hopefully wiser women than I will be along soon! X

It's 10 deaths per 100,000 in the UK!

I feared the pain would be unbearable and tbh it was bad...but I went on to have another one.

I'm not sure if the second is worse because you know what to expect.

You are not alone.

I’m not usually an anxious person but this was something that was on my mind quite a bit when I was pregnant. Particularly on my third because I had ‘escaped’ twice already. I would imagine it’s a common worry.

Probably should have mentioned I'm 34 weeks pregnant.......

Smarties- I believe so 🙁

fruitbat- Anxiety is so mind controling 😡

Is this because of the news article on the beeb today?

If you haven't seen it, stay off. And it only applies to North America anyway.

It's very very rare. I did think about it but it's not really a rational fear living in the UK in this day and age. You'll be fine don't worry :)

I looked up the stats in my state (I'm not in the uk) and it was 6-10 per 100 000 mothers died around the birth or within 42 days. That included suicide though, which is obviously terrible but not exactly a "death in childbirth".

Everyone has their own anxieties. I posted on another thread about zika that the chance of the baby getting microcephaly from zika after travelling to a known zika area is 1 in a million+. But people see that as a very high risk and would say you are crazy for going there. Other people are panicking about getting listeria (60 in 25 million risk in my country). But to them a 1 in 10000 risk of dying in child birth is very very low, don't even consider it level! Everyone has anxieties to contend with it seems.

Write about your anxieties in your birth plan. The midwives do read them although they don’t always follow them...

Have you spoken to your community midwife for some counselling?

It's normal
And I'm sure it's a protective instinct for your older child. FWIW i wrote a letter to my older child, then children in late pregnancy (& sobbed!). It felt better to get it out.

I also wrote a "what if" list of positive things like what if birthing is easy & baby is healthy to counter all the negative what ifs that were swirling round my brain. It really helped

Good luck

In the UK? Not a reasonable fear. If your anxiety is spiralling out of control you need to address that ASAP.

I was pretty blasé about the whole thing during my first pregnancy. Unfortunately my labour did not go well so now I have some legitimate concerns! We are currently debating having a second one and I yes, this is something that I think about too, it scares me.

I know statistically it is extremely unlikely but I can't help worrying about it! You're not alone OP.

Try and look at it positively rather than negatively. So instead of a 1 in 7,000 chance of dying, see it as a 6999/7000 chance of living. Now if someone was to say the same thing about winning the euromillions, I bet you'd be buying a ticket and feeling pretty confident right now!

Conditions such as cardiac conditions, pneumonia and epilepsy are the most common causes of death in childbirth or soon after. If you are healthy and go to ante natal appointments, the risks are really very very small.

Its not unreasonable to have the fear, its a really common one. You dont get to choose your fears.
But you do need to remind yourself that the UK has very good rates of survival for women in childbirth, and in hospital you'll be in the best place.

If you do feel a sense of doom it can be caused by a drop in blood pressure, so you might want to call your midwife or GP and have that checked.

I'm quite anxious but wouldn't say I was afraid of dying in childbirth. Deaths in childbirth would usually involve a serious underlying health problem I would imagine. Or perhaps somebody who for one reason or another didn't have adequate ante-natal care.

This about perception of risk.

A friend died at work overseas today, doing something that lots of our friends do everyday, in circumstances that should have been carefully risk assessed. I can feel the "it could have been me" tinge to the grief, but of course the risk is so very tiny and our friend was just so awfully, horribly unlucky.

Your perception is similarly distorted at the moment because you're about to do something low risk, but the stories of the freak occurrences are playing on your mind because you relate to the circumstances of giving birth.

Some people experience the same with flying.

Be kind to yourself

Try this for the immediate panic

m.youtube.com/watch?v=zHIVeWhCMU8

Anxiety causes negative scripts, thoughts just start running through your head with all the what ifs and bad scenarios. You cant really stop them per se, but if you can recognise them and acknowledge that they are just these negative scripts and are not ‘real’ it may make it easier to live alongside them. So sorry you are living with this fear, it must be very unpleasant.

I had this anxiety after recurrent miscarriage, I felt like if my little boy was to be born healthy and whole, maybe something terrible would have to happen to me. I had flashes of death anxiety all through pregnancy. I, too, have anxiety issues normally, but pregnancy seemed to ramp them up.

My labor ended in EMCS but everything went well. A few months later, I had an unrelated issue suddenly turn out to need urgent internal surgery and was also terrified that I'd die and my baby wouldn't remember me.

I'm still here, pregnant with another son, my little boy is perfect and almost two, and my anxiety is much easier in this pregnancy somehow.

I think you should talk through your concerns with an experienced community midwife. Women who die in childbirth will be skewed towards those who are high risk due to preexisting conditions.

I would also visit your gp to talk about your anxiety disorder and how it can be managed now and post partum. You need to make sure you have drugs you can take once the baby is born as preexisting mental health conditions are more likely to flare up in the weeks during childbirth.

Think this is quite common. My sister did this, and she isn’t an anxious person. Baby and her were both fine of course.
I have anxiety disorder and was so so bad during 1st trimester that they put me back on my meds and I was on them til 36 weeks (and went straight back on when DS was born as we had breastfeeding issues which was so stressful).
My fear was pre-eclampsia. Was adamant I was going to get it, have a stroke etc. I never did.
Pregnancy is so scary. But just remember, the UK stats are pretty good. It’s highly unlikely. Especially if you’ve no underlying issues with your pregnancy.
Enjoy new baby x

How are you all doing

The women who die do so because of poorly (or missed) managed pre-existing conditions. If you’re concerned then it can’t hurt to pay for a private healthcheck from Bupa or similar - they can test you for a whole host of things. You could also pay for a doppler ultrasound to check the bloodflow around the placenta - my gaene has said sometimes preclamsia can be diagnosed early in some women by looking at the blood vessels in the placenta.