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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry about this girl?

40 replies

LurpakIsTheOnlyButter · 20/11/2017 21:14

I picked DD up from school today as she had stayed late for a club. She usually gets the bus, I have not picked up before. A new friend was waiting with her and was walking home so I offered her a lift.
The friend said it wasn't far, but it will have taken her a good 40 mins to walk home on her own in the dark. This girl is 11, in year 7.

What was worse was when she told me where she lived. Her mum has recently moved in with a boyfriend. The boyfriend lives with his father.

I have been in this house in a professional capacity. It is truly awful, dirty and chaotic. The father of the boyfriend is nice enough but not well and not particularly bright. His son is frankly horrible. I suspect he is financially abusing his father. He is odd, rude and the way I have seen him behave in this house is awful. I shudder at the thought of a lovely young girl living in this house.

It's fairly obvious they are desperately poor. DD tells me this girl has no breakfast, takes a single sandwich for lunch and never goes in the school canteen because she can't buy anything.

I can't stop thinking of this girl. I have put extra fruit and snacks in DDs lunch for her to share. I know I can't change this girl's situation but I wonder if I should share concerns with the school? It can't possibly be a good home environment from what I know about it.

Mumsnet - WWYD?

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 20/11/2017 22:08

You’re clearly obliged to report this in your professional capacity. You are well aware this girl is living in a terrible situation, you can’t just bung her an extra snack here or there; you need to report. What’s done with that report is that for SS to decide. Do it through work and /or call SS direct.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 20/11/2017 22:16

to let an 11 yr old walk 40 minutes home from school in the dark is very risky

What is you expect working parents to do?

Dragongirl10 · 20/11/2017 22:24

OHREALLYOHREALLYOH

after school clubs until an adult can collect, or childminder to collect or walking in a group with friends......

The fact it is difficult for working parents does not make it less risky imo

kittensinmydinner1 · 20/11/2017 22:24

I am a working parent. I make arrangements with friends to collect YEAR 11 child from after school club when it’s dark OR make sure she has money for bus... OR as last resort has a friend to walk with. Being a working parent doesn’t mean you aren’t still responsible for your child’s safety. 40 mins alone in the dark is not safe.

SandyDenny · 20/11/2017 22:24

You have to apply for FSM, maybe the Mum's life is too chaotic or maybe she can't be bothered to apply.

I agree that you should raise concerns, the school seems like a good place to start

Teddy1970 · 20/11/2017 22:29

Aww you sound lovely OP...that poor girl though, after reading about another thread yesterday about a bullying father it's hit home on how many children must have awful home lives, I would invite her for tea as much as possible, she might be glad to escape for a few hours.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 20/11/2017 22:33

Well, lucky you there is an after school club for your secondary aged children. Certainly doesn't exist around here and first I've heard of it (and I teach). Bus fare is pretty useless if using public transport makes the journey twice as long (as it would for my children). So they walk.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 20/11/2017 22:33

Well, lucky you there is an after school club for your secondary aged children. Certainly doesn't exist around here and first I've heard of it (and I teach). Bus fare is pretty useless if using public transport makes the journey twice as long (as it would for my children). So they walk.

rightsaidfrederickII · 20/11/2017 22:35

It doesn't really matter how you've come by the information, you have a duty to safeguard this child.

You need to report this; either to the school's safeguarding lead or directly to Social Services. You can't just leave her in this situation all but fending for herself. SS have a pretty high threshold before they will remove a child from a family home and put them into foster care; they will almost certainly be focussed on putting support strategies in place before they got anywhere near that stage.

Jakeyboy1 · 20/11/2017 22:36

If you know of them in a professional capacity surely you can tip someone off to investigate?

HTKB · 20/11/2017 22:40

You know, or should do, that if you visit homes in any professional capacity you have a safeguarding duty. So report.

Original poster
LurpakIsTheOnlyButter · 20/11/2017 22:50

I know I need to do something. I will do something. It's just a question of what and how. I know what I know because of my job but I have become aware/involved because of my child and being a mum. The boundaries of work life and home life look rather blurred for me just now.

I will speak to my boss at work tomorrow. I will take advice from wherever it comes if it helps this girl.

As for working parents, I work full time. But I can afford bus fare for my child and that is the difference here.

OP posts:
Imalloutofoptions · 20/11/2017 23:06

Ohreally

to let an 11 yr old walk 40 minutes home from school in the dark is very risky

What is you expect working parents to do?

I'm a working single parent, my daughter is the same age and year group as the child in question. Absolutely no way I would ever expect her to walk 40 minutes to get home.

BusyBeez99 · 20/11/2017 23:10

40 minute walk at end of school in daylight is fine. From an after school club just isn’t. Poor kid

GerrytheBerry · 21/11/2017 09:12

40 mins is quite a walk for a child at the start and end of a school day even secondary age, in the dark its ridiculous. I hope you can help her op.

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