To make her disinvite this person?

[FuckwardAsAwk]

NC, because this will most definitely be immediately identifiable to anyone even vaguely familiar with the situation:

My new team member (let's call them 'Taylor') has accidentally invited a non-team member to our team event - and it's really not their fault as much as that of my boss ('James') - i.e. their boss' boss, whom they obviously wish to please:

All of us (new colleague, boss and myself) work for firm A - we're consultants for firm B. Firm C also consults for firm B. Taylor recently started with us and knew another team member, an employee of C, from a previous job.

I recently introduced Taylor to James and, in the course of the general small talk, Taylor mentioned that this was someone they'd worked with before and who was great. Cue James encouraging Taylor to sign them and, regrettably, using the sentence 'well, you could always invite them to the team event next week - we look most attractive as co-workers when we're all drunk!'

That was obviously hyperbole - what James meant is 'do, in earnest, try to sign them if you can - the part with the team event is, of course, a joke'. Unfortunately, subtext is usually something people only get about others some time after having spoken to them for all of 3 minutes.

Long story short: Believing her new boss' boss to be a tad weird but themselves being eager to please, Taylor invited former colleague from firm C to our (firm A's) team event - the guest list now includes A's entire project staff, ranging from recent graduates to upper management, and random guy from firm C who only knows one single person there.

This is awkward as fuck!

Then again: disinviting someone is also awkward as fuck!

I tried to get around the situation by inviting a bunch of other folks (other consultants and clients) along in order to make it more of a 'meet-up of random folks working in the same general area' thing - but since we're all re-negotiating our contracts at present, nobody's really allowed to speak to each other right now, so I've not really managed to dig up people. Also, the venue can't accommodate a much larger group.

So WTF do I do now?

If Taylor invited them he can uninvite them. Make him do it and get HR involved. This shouldn't backfire on you.

it's a work event - you are overthinking

the guy isn't going to go home and cry into his pillow all night because he's been excluded from another companies social event

If Taylor knows him it might be less awkward for him to do it. Ask him what he thinks. I’d go with the invited in error and it’s actually an internal event.

Wow, this seems to have become unnecessarily complicated. If it's an A firm event, just tell Taylor to tell the C guy that unfortunately he can't attend as he works for a competitor and confidential client information may be discussed. End of.

Whereas it would be seem weird to attend A's event as a C employee, the guy just might so you need to put a stop to it now.

I'm an ex-consultant who used to work for clients who were also using other rival consultancies. We generally all got along very well but it was very competitive underneath and given the opportunity to sniff around a rival's team and hear their plans/secrets, we'd all have jumped on the chance. Don't take the risk.

Check with your boss first, then suggest Taylor contacts the guy to explain it's now a team only event but you'd love to meet him another time

Try and recruit him

I agree - tell Taylor that James wasn't thinking when he told her to invite C, and actually it's not a great idea. Ask her to pass on your apologies and explain that there has been a mix-up and it's team only, but that he would be welcome to come along for the first/last hour to meet everyone/some other event/a 'getting to know you' meeting with James next week. He will probably not be that bothered, and nobody loses face.

I agree that you should get the number of "Taylor" and phone the guy yourself. Explain that there has been a mix up and Taylor, being new, didn't realise that the event was team A only, and you're really sorry but it still IS Team A only and he's not able to come.
Add in, if you wish, that he'd be welcome to come NEXT time IF he became part of Team A hahaha... but only if you wish. Otherwise leave that part out and just stick with the apology and revocation of the invitation..

And do it quickly.

I don't think this is as bad as it feels (and I usually hate things like this). As sponsor of the event, I would get in touch and say simply there's been a mix up and the next event is internal only but you would love to see him and his other colleagues from C at the next mixed event. Leave Taylor out of it (I'm assuming you're more senior or the project PM if you're sponsoring the event). If I was the guy from C I would feel out of place turning up to an internal only event.

Good words there from Sunny

I really wouldn't enjoy turning up and realising I was the only non-A person present! That would be just as bad as being uninvited - it would be obvious I was there by mistake and only two people understood who I was and why the hell I'd gatecrashed team night! Big Boss would also presumably feel quite peeved with the over-literal Taylor.

Surely there would be no hard feelings if Taylor rang the accidental invitee and said 'Sorry, I got my dates mixed up - the event is actually on X date [when the open event is taking place] not Y.' Perfectly innocent error and no-one's embarrassed.

Weirdly, I have been "Random from Firm C" in a very similar situation. I wish they had disinvited me. It was just odd as they obviously were having a team night out, and then there was me, so they couldn't talk freely/ gossip etc. I had a loose association with (this situation's) Firm A but the nature of the relationship (quasi- client/supplier but not quite) made it even worse.

My boss used to invite random people to various company events then get us employees to uninvited them. It was a really shitty position to be in and I hated working there. Taylor just did what her boss told her to do. Making her uninvite him will put her in a very awkward situation and embarrass the poor bloke being uninvited too. Not a nice thing to do.

I imagine the accidental invitees only accepted out of professional politeness....he will probably be relieved to be disinvited/let off the hook (I would be)

By far the best solution is to explain that there has been a mix up and he was supposed to be invited to event Y not event X.

If no event Y exists then you will need to organise it - sort out a date when a few other people from B and C can come out for a few (self-funded) drinks.

I’d just ring the person myself, say there was a mix up and invite them for a lunch meeting with Taylor to talk through potential opportunities at your firm. Taylor saves face, is fulfilling obligation to James by trying to recruit this person actively and you don’t have the embarrassment of trying to fit in a stranger to your company day. Tbh I don’t see how you can be honest about any issues in your firm, which might come up In a team day, with an outsider there.

maid I can quite see why you were upset to be disinvited from a team event run by your own firm. That shouldn’t have happened and always looks like more senior people trying to show how important they are by restricting opportunities to them only but is a completely different scenario from inviting someone from a different firm!

Tell them miss understanding and mix up - invite them to lunch.

What’s James view of having people from firm C present at the team event?

I mean surely, he will know too that having customers or outsiders to this team event is NOT going to be a good idea!
Would he have an idea on how to handle it?

If you say the event is cancelled, is there any chance that the person from firm C will find out it wasn't?

You can't let him come. If trouble occurs, and it sounds like a distinct possibility, you'll be on the hook for it.

Just get them told that it is now an internal event.

I’d arrange something else he can come to like an informal networking event/drinks if that’s possible?

I would speak to new colleague and explain what’s happened while not blaming her and work together to resolve. That way she doesn’t need feel silly and that there’s something going on or she’s made a faux pas.

But for the love of pedantry it is UNinvite not disinvite!!! Sorry it was really bothering me

Well, he's coming ... we've made it utterly clear it's internal and hinted strongly that we'd love for him to politely decline and join us for lunch, but he was still keen, so my boss decided he's in ...

In other news, my same fucking boss then decided to come down with Norovirus and won't be attending. He's left me with instructions to sign the guy if he's any good.

Sometimes I really want my boss (whom I otherwise like a lot) to die a painful death. The good news is: the colleague in charge of the catering contract is ready and willing to give me an alibi!

Note to self: in next job, be shit enough never to be considered for a management level position. Cause it sucks!

I think you shouldn't have hinted but made clear he wasn't to attend this internal event.

He's from a rival firm and you don't know his motives just yet. If I were a team member I'd be annoyed by your management of this scenario having a random rival on my team day.

Well, the not managing to revoke bit would have been my boss' doing, too ...

'My bad, I'll take care of it' my arse!