6YO's whinging. AIBU to question my parenting?? Tips and advice needed before I go crazy.

[EssCee]

Hopefully it's a phase, but I'm being driven crazy by my DD's moaning and whining. It's like it's become her default way of reacting to things. A family trip to the zoo was spoiled at the weekend because of it.

It's particularly bad after school or when she's tired. After school, it's a constant stream of 'I'm hungry', 'I'm tired', 'can I have a sweet?...'.

It is driving me close to the edge, and it's making me question how I'm parenting. Don't know if it's simply because I have a low threshold for this kind of thing... and that's what 6 YO's are like.

Any tips and advice?

Don't have any advice but my six year old son is the same. Had a great day with him on Sunday but he had a massive half an hour melt down because I wouldn't let him out with his friends ( it was late and dark when we got home)

My sons default answer to everything is awwwww its so unfair ( think Kevin and Perry style )

Have you tried lovebombing? I know that the impulse is to be more brisk/firm/stern and not pander to the whinging, but often this sort of behaviour is about wanting attention and not caring so much if it's good or bad attention.

Whinging creates a very negative cycle - they whinge, you react with exasperation, they whinge some more, you snap at them to cheer up, they whinge again, and you go "fine, if you're going to be like that, have the sweet/toy/let's just go home then". The child has "got what they want" on the face of it, but the atmos is by then so fraught and miserable that it makes them even more clingy and whingy.

Allyg1185 - aaah, it's HARD WORK, isn't it! In a way, you expect it from a toddler/preschooler, but the same behaviour in a 6YO is so much harder to deal with.

Do you have a routine? Maybe a bag of sliced apple when she finishes school to keep her going till tea time. Treats if she behaves herself, maybe employing a chart to incentivise things like the odd sweet. Aim for say 5 days with smiley faces per week and she can have a small pack of haribo's, but if it 7 consecutive days she falls below 5 happy faces then no sweets. But if she's had a rough spell new week, new start, but the 7 day rule still applies.

If she can't behave herself then no treats like the zoo, although not sure if you've other DC this would impact.

DC or just children are getting cheekier, it's not like it was when we grew up. I saw a big difference in how my Mum parented me to my youngest sibling, where there's a 24 year age gap.

I think the best thing to do is deal with it now before it gets worse pre puberty.

Today after school, I tried the 'yes but...' method ("yes, you can have food as soon as we get home in 10 minutes"). Then, when I turned around she was pulling a face with her mouth, so I tried to make it a 'oh, you're SO hungry you're eating the air' joke of sorts. To which she laughed a little. And I was quietly pleased that I'd managed to resolve it. 20 seconds later, she's whinging, saying 'I'm huuuuuungry'. Aaargh. So I start to snap.

Yes, exasperated is exactly how I feel. And exhausted.

I tell my DD that I refuse to talk to her if she whinges or shouts at me. I’ll talk to her when she asks a question or makes a comment like a normal human being. I know it sounds quite obvious, but have you tried it? Do you always respond to her when she whinges at you? If she keeps getting your feedback, either positive or negative, she’ll keep doing it.

Another mum of a 6yo here! Your dd sounds exactly like my ds. We've set up reward charts. (With little bro aged 3 too) it works for a bit but they are struggling with the 'kind words' bit as they wind each other up and then call each other names!!
I'm also hoping it's a phase as it's very wearing! Ds6 is pretty good on his own and ds3 is lovely on his own, but put the two together... world war 3!!
Ds6 is in an 'it's not fair' phase too and expects to get something if ds3 does too. I totally sympathise EssCee. Let's put them all in a room together and leave them to it!

ZombieVampireHedgehog - if we're going straight home after school, I don't bring a snack. We are only 10 minutes walk away from school, so I'd have thought that she could wait...? But, I don't know, to be honest, she was ravenous after school today. I had leftover pasta/veg in the fridge, and she had 1.5 bowls of it.

Regarding a routine, she has a mix of playdates, after school clubs, swimming lessons after school. So, what we do depends on what else is on. I try and do her reading as soon as we get in (after a snack), as she generally watches TV while I'm making dinner. But, she generally keeps shouting for more food while I'm making dinner......... like I'm some kind of snack slave.

But, yes, I think I need to think about some strategies for managing this. In my mind, I want to be firm but always loving. And I feel like I'm spinning and reacting at the moment.

Yes, my fear is that it's become a permanent thing... that would be awful.

Turquoise88 - yes, I do always respond. But, that's an idea to think about.

user1472334322 - I'm tempted by your suggestion about leaving them in a room together!

DD doesn't seem that motivated by reward charts, but I might give it another go. Although, any ideas on the 'rules' that you'd set up? e.g. it's impossible/unfair to say an outright 'no moaning at all'.