Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD bullying?

3 replies

Lostbeyondwords · 20/11/2017 12:02

Not sure if I'm making too much of this or not enough and would just like some advice on how you would handle it.

Dd (yr 8) had a couple of friends last year she called her best friends who she was quite close to. Over the summer holidays friend A told her to stop following around friend B as she doesn't like it and doesn't like her, and neither does friend A. Dd asked B and she denied it at first but then confirmed it. A and B blocked dd on any social media and dd did the same. She didn't tell us about this but had another more overwhelming thing going on anyway so although she may have been upset about it (though claims not to be) we put it down to the other issue.

Thursday night she told us she was being bullied since September. It's taken the form of A&B giving her a nickname and using it in front of her in classes to talk about her, such as "I really hate -fish- she sings like an injured animal", "-fish- is so ugly I can't stand it".
Or in actual interactions:
A- I like your hair littlelost
Dd- thanks
A- not, I lied!

Dd has figured out if she ignores the comments, she gets "told off" loudly in front of the class to make her "look bad" by A for ignoring her and having an attitude. If she accepts the comments it's turned around as something mean as above. She won't give attitude back or say she doesn't care because she feels the comments will be worse or they will want to fight her so there's no real answer or action she feels able to give iyswim.

They have the facility to go to the house office and make complaints about pupil behaviour but dd was told by the teacher of one specific class that she had to do that in her own time. That's fine but if a pupil comes to you wanting to report something then why is not dealt with in class by the teacher who it has happened in front of (apparently at the front of the class is where they sit)? She felt the need to do that as the teacher was aware but not bothered. But I get that an incident in one class doesn't give the whole picture so maybe the teacher thought it silly whereas dd knew there was more to it.

They also make coughing noises and vomiting actions at her as she passes in the halls.

I've emailed the cp team on friday morning (as they are looking after her wellbeing for something else) and the house team and it's been said they will speak with dd (though this didn't happen on Friday as dd called in tears to come home by 11am, she says not because of the girls but I don't know for sure obviously). I've also told her to ask the teachers in classes where they are on the same table if she can change tables, and this morning to go and see the house team before school started as she spent the last while before bed last night agonising over what she could do today to avoid A&B and how she feels the teacher won't help, in more than one class, and they are in most of her lessons.

She doesn't dislike the girls generally, she thought they were friends so it's not like she's gone about being horrible to them and "brought it on herself". She doesn't put herself out in class or amazingly excel in any way that would draw attention either good or bad, she's just a kind, average girl who's now lost four friends she thought she made last year (the other two she had hang about with A&B and don't join in with them but don't stop them or say anything).

So is this silly stuff that everyone has to put up with from time to time or something that could/would escalate and needs more done. What can be done or what should I, school or dd be doing? I'm not sure if there's more to it than she's saying right now but that's all I've been able to get from her so far.

Why do some girls just go out of their way to be mean??

OP posts:
willyougotobed · 20/11/2017 12:21

Why do some girls just go out of their way to be mean??

If only we knew. I think it is common for them to experience nastiness from former friends. I know my dd has since starting secondary. But in this case it's worth asking at school if there are any ways they can help.

For my dd I've really been trying to bolster her confidence. One way for us is to join various activities outside school. The more connections dd has, the easier it is to combat this sort of nonsense. One of her ex friends was spreading some nastiness about her recently but hadn't realised the people she was confiding in were actually friends of dd's from guides. As such they defended dd and the girl was made to feel a bit of a twit.

But someone on here the other day mentioned Brooks Gibbs youtube on bullying and I did watch that. I think it's worth watching with your dd - maybe see what you think.

If you don't find the school helpful another thing I know contacts of mine have tried is seeing a child psychologist. It sounds a bit extreme but actually worked very well for a relative's dc. They spoke to her about social skills, how to make friends, what to do if someone is unkind - bolstered her confidence to deal with it.

I hope it gets better for your dd. It really is grim for them, this sort of thing.

Lostbeyondwords · 20/11/2017 12:38

Thank you willyou I hadn't heard/seen Brooks Gibbs, I'll have a look.

I think she does need more confidence, she's actually starting a course about that at school soon so hopefully that will help too.

Glad your dd has some friends to stand up for her, it's such stupid nonsene but equally upsetting.

OP posts:
willyougotobed · 20/11/2017 19:13

No I hadn't heard of him either. I had a quick look the other day and thought it might be useful for dd. It's good that your dd is starting a course. Hopefully that will bolster her up a bit.

Hopefully someone will come along here who knows a bit more about bullying policy in schools. I'm afraid I don't. If not perhaps try posting in the bullying section.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread