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to expect DH to go to a party that he has accepted an invite to?

4 replies

Woodmouse · 17/04/2007 18:21

DH and were invited to a special reunion party by a very good friend of ours. On balance he is "my friend" (although i hate to divide it like that and DH thinks he's great). We haven't seen him for ages and there will be lots of people there we know, it's a Eurovision night, fancy dress, he is kindly supplying all the food and drink. DH and I were both looking forward to it. I accepted the invite for both DH and me (after speaking to DH) and our friend has arranged for us to stay the night at his place to save us trecking home.

Then I get a call this afernoon from DH. Another friend of ours has announced he is having an engagement party on the same night and DH is saying he will go to friend #2's party instead and "I can do what I like". Friend #2 is a lovely person too and also (I suppose) more a friend of mine than DH. I think what I am trying to say is that DH and friend #2 are no more close or better friends than DH with friend #1. DH simply thinks #2 will be a better party. DH is no wallflower and he mixes with everyone, so it purely selfish.

i like both friends enormously and would definately go to both parties if we didn't have the clash, but I feel strongly that am not letting friend #1 down and neither should DH. The two parties are miles apart at the same time and one is fancy dress, so it's not possible to combine the two.

I feel strongly that if you accept an invite to a party you should go (failing disaster) and explain the reasons and apologise to friend #2. I don't think it is right to cancel friend #1. DH solution is that "we split up" and I go to party #1 on my own and he goes to #2. i normally have no problem going to a party on my own (I can mingle fine without DH), but I think it would be very odd ("X is at another party tonight!") and is a snub to each of them.

OP posts:

kimi · 17/04/2007 18:32

I think your DH is being unfair and to be honest just plain rude.
Can you speak to friend#2 and say that you have other commitments.
At the very least your DH will look like a prize plum.
Friend#1 has gone to a lot of trouble to accommodate you and your DH over night.
Can you point out to your DH he is being unreasonable?
Also if he will not come with you to party one go and have a great time without him.


EmmyLou · 17/04/2007 18:32

Definitely not on to cancel first invitation - unless both have been issued close enough together for you to be able to feign a mix up and apologise to friend #1 explaining that you had 'unwittingly' double booked. Even that's a bit shabby though.

Does your DH feel no shame in feeling no guilt? Would he be the one to phone up and cancel or - just a wild guess here - would that burden fall to you?


Debbiethemum · 17/04/2007 18:33

He also accepted that invitation, and there is nothing ruder than cancelling because a 'better' offer has come up. Also whatever are you supposed to say to friend #1!


scrapper · 17/04/2007 19:20

Perhaps you could get a male friend to dress as a member of Lordi and then no=one will be any the wiser.

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