Christmas gifts?

[Christmaspresentsornot]

I’ve name changed for this. Naice ham, cutted up pear, Captain Christmas, pom-bears, cancel the cheque etc.

I’m wondering whether to buy small gifts for my brother’s new partner and dad’s newish partner.

It’s a bit difficult and I’ve never met either of the new partners.

My brother’s new partner was the ow in an affair he had while married to someone else. This was about a year ago. He subsequently left his wife and young dcs to move in with ow. I am still in touch with his stbxw and will be buying her a gift as well as gifts for their dds (my nieces).

My dad’s newish partner was also the ow in an affair he had about 15 years ago, while married to my mum. My mum found out, was very angry, kicked him out etc, but eventually forgave him and they got back together. They were together then for quite a few years (more than ten) before my mum died quite unexpectedly. Around two years after that, my dad got together with the ow. They’ve been together now for a couple of years and she seems to make him happy, which I’m glad about as he was very, very down after my mum died.

I haven’t met her yet, as they don’t live together and I don’t live near either of them. I haven’t met my brother’s new partner as she and my brother also live far away from me.

Anyway, I am Christmas shopping at the moment and feel as if buying for my dad and brother, but not buying anything for their partners would be a bit strange and seem as if I’m trying to make a point? I was thinking about maybe buying them small gifts. Nothing personal or expensive, as we’ve never actually met each other.

Would love advice, as it’s all quite complicated and I don’t want to get it wrong. I can’t tell if it’s a nice idea or just terrible.

I think it shows thoughtfulness and good will. Really doesn’t take much to be welcoming. You sound lovely, btw.

I personally would wait a little longer before accepting a woman who willingly broke up a family

Yep the woman did that allnon their own didn't they?

A small candle and plain scarf with a nice card would be lovely. I'd love to get those.

I wouldn't but then I just don't buy gifts for people who I have never met, I would think it's strange to buy for them

I would offer a joint gift, something like a voucher for a restaurant, a night away or theatre tickets.

Thanks again all.

I think I’ll do chocolates, candle and / or scarf for both. Fwiw my brother will probably get a scarf and hat set too, so it won’t look disproportionate. I think he’d rather I did that than a huge gift for him. Most of my ‘brother’s-family-budget’ can go on nieces.

I know a bit more about dad’s partner, as they’ve been together a while now and I hear about her from him. I know she likes dogs, so I could get her a scarf or gloves with dogs on them or something.

If they cohabit, I'd grit my teeth and get a present for them.

If not, then I wouldn't, though would be thinking of getting my relative something that is obviously shareable.

Right now there are new/ish partners, but they might morph into enduring ones, so I'd err towards inclusion just in case.

I think you're making the right choice.