Ballet Bun

[Lynnebarnet22]

My nine yr old D/S is keen on ballet, which he’s done since he was five. He’s the only boy in the class and wears a regulation ISTD leotard and tights like the girls - which he loves. However, he now has long hair and I’ve recently been tying it in a ballet bun. He looks fab, but D/H doesn’t agree.

Is your DH worried your son might be homosexual or a girl?

I think he's just dangerously stupid.

Boys doing ballet wear white fitted tshirts and grey tights, as a standard uniform.

I’m confused why he would be wearing the leotard? At 11, a ballet school wouldn’t allow that, regardless of his hair length or how many boys are in the class.

Your DH is being vv unreasonable. He sounds like a bore, and a cliched one at that.

Cant he wear a beanie or do a ponytail?

Apologies my AIBU was not clearly defined in my Original Post. I only intimated it.

Guys in ballet companies with long hair most usually wear it in a ponytail.

Why is your ds wearing the same as the girls? That would be deeply inappropriate.

My ds aged 8 has been doing ballet for a long time and he does wear a white leotard and black dance tights/ leggings (ISTD uniform) but he’s certainly not wearing the same as the girls.

Luckily he’s more than happy with short hair. I’m delighted to swerve the faff with hair buns l see going on with the girls!

Show your DH Adam Maskell's instagram - a very successful, and very heterosexual, male ballet dancer. (Sadly I think he has just retired, although he is only 30!) Also; various videos of him on YouTube performing

(I'm aware that OP's DH shouldn't need to be reassured of their son's sexuality, but maybe seeing the account will shut him up about it.)

It’s not so much why he wears a little man bun to school. My son has long hair because he wanted to grow his hair, on the conditions he looked after his hair & wore it up at school he chooses to style it in a little bun. With little or no help from myself or DH.

Thank you for your replies, which I’ve found helpful. D/S has a boys’ uniform, which he wears for exams, but he prefers to wear a leotard and tights like the girls to class. The school is quite happy with that and D/S loves it. He says the boys’ uniform is dull. Why is this ‘deeply inappropriate?’ The school doesn’t think it is and nor do I. It’s unusual, but so what!

If D/S wore a boys’ uniform; had short hair and was more macho, then D/H might not complain. He’s up tight because D/S is effeminate and looks like a girl in his ballet gear. D/S is happy and doing well at ballet. Why should he fit in with social norms?

😂 he sounds a treat.
He's happy leave him be

Is this really real, OP?

Most decent ballet schools are pretty hot on regulation dance wear. That would mean boys in ISTD boys' uniform rather than the girls' tights etc. It's unusual that you've found a school that deviates for your son.

What does the school say about his hair? That's really the only criteria that matters.

I am surprised that you have got to 8 practising ballet regularly - and wearing the girls' uniform, no less - and your DH is getting odd about a bun, given that loads of Premier League footballers and rugby players and other sportsmen will wear this hairstyle. Presumably neither your DS or you care what your DH thinks as you have successfully supported him so far in his ballet ambitions so just carry on...?

Lynne - the boys’ uniform (white leotard, black tights) is still pretty ‘effeminate’ if one thinks in those terms. It’s not as if the boys usually wear a Rambo outfit!

I said it was ‘deeply inappropriate’ because as someone said above, ballet is a discipline, a rigid one at that, and most ballet schools would expect that following that discipline in terms of uniform and appearance is an important part of the training.

Maybe I’m too much of a stickler, but my son knows if he has chosen to do ballet he has to respect it by following the rules. He can wear whatever the hell he likes outside of the classes.

Hi, Thank you again. The Ballet School is well regarded and has a strict uniform policy. The principal is also an ISTD examiner. However D/S is the only boy out of 112 girls!!

He wears the boys’ uniform for exams, but for class he prefers leotard and tights. He asked if he could wear these when he finished the primary grades - and the school was quite happy. Girls had skirted leotards for the primary grades and D/S had the boys’ uniform. So now for class he wears the grade one and two uniform: a sleeveless maroon leotard and pink tights.

With regard to the bun, he previously had it in a pony tail for ballet, but then the teacher said he should have it in a ballet bun. She demonstrated on D/S the correct way to tie it.

Thank you Vera for your extra comment and I understand your points. I guess our school is a little more liberal with just the one boy. I hope I wasn’t too rude.

if ds wants to dance professionally he needs to follow the rules. The girls don't get to just decide to wear the boys uniform.

Get him in the white leotard and boy's tights, and stop treating him as a special flower that can do whatever he wants to because he's a boy in girl's world. Find the appropriate RAD/ ISTD rule for his hair and follow that. (I don't know what it is as my ds had short hair and wore the boy's uniform, as he was required to follow the rules in exactly the same way as the female dancers were.)

He can wear girl's leotards and pink tight at home (my ds did - he understood that the dance school had rules and at home he could wear what the hell he liked.)

I too am amazed that he has got to 8 in a dance school environment being allowed to wear the girl's uniform. I am not surprised your dh is finding this unusual. I would be appalled, and I am about as pro-boys-in-dance as it is possible to be.

He is old enough to understand the rules and so are you.

There is also a distinct possibility that by NOT putting him in the boy's uniform, and parading him around the school in pink tights, that you are actively putting off any other young boys and their parents who may be interested. I wouldn't be sending my ds to a dance school where they appeared to be condoning the only other boy on the premises to wear the maroon and pink girl's stuff. I would be horrified and would choose another dance school for my son.

I have a gazillion photos of ds in tutus and he spent an inordinate amount of his free time as a boy wearing his sister's stuff. I'm not remotely bothered about catching the gay. He loves to dance. But I would be reversing hard out of a school that allowed him to wear his sister's uniform in class.

I’m with the others, ballet is a discipline and you are letting your son down by not teaching him to respect the rules- he will need to as he goes further

My daughter (just 4) is wild and untameable and hates having her hair brushed or being told what to wear. But she loves to dance and she knows that if she wants to do the ballet class then she has to follow the teacher’s rules.

What complete and utter rubbish is being spouted in this thread!

The OP's DS follows the rules, he wears exam attire during exams and the rest of the time he wears dance attire approved by his dance school. Classical ballet dancers wear all kinds of different colours and variations of dance attire during rehearsals and then they wear whatever has been designed for them by the costume designer during performances.

Drawing lines between girl and boy dance outfits is ridiculous in the first place, insisting that boys cannot wear girl dance clothes is damaging and claiming that a boy wearing girl dance outfits will put other boys off dance is preposterous.

Sorry OP, your DH is an arse.

Thank you to madwoman1ntheatt1c and NeverTwerkNaked. I’d hate D/S be shoehorned like that.

shoehorned? you mean, like, by following the rules, and steps, and choreography, and stuff? maybe stagecoach would be a better fit?

I think you missed the point of dance classes. but it's fine just to do it for fun for a few years and not take it seriously.

Ach, it's probably all bollocks anyway. I don't know any dance teacher that would allow it.

my ds quite enjoys being the only dude - it means very often he is the focal point in the choreography. It's a shame your lad feels like he has to blend in with the girls, but hopefully he will mature and realize he doesn't have to hide, and that it's ok to be different. Let's hope puberty holds off for a bit longer, eh? Those girls leotards really aren't built for growing young men.

Totally distracted by you finishing a post by saying ‘LOL Lynne’.

Sorry

booboo - ds has worn all sorts of show costumes. He also went through a period where he was bullied by the girls in his ballet for having the temerity to be present as a boy. attempting to hide him in a pair of pink tights wouldn't have worked. he was visible as 'different' by virtue of his sex.

Having two girls and a boy that have gone through the dance school mill, what's preposterous is attempting to treat this as an everyday occurrence.

ds spent most of his formative years in girl's ballet gear. He learned to walk in pink barbie dress up shoes (with heels). despite his flamboyant and colourful character, he managed not to feel shoehorned in the boy's uniform for an hour at a time. oh and his bff is a transman, justin case that's where we're off next. he's about as liberal as you can get.

outside of dance class.

Thank you madwoman1ntheatt1c. I feel a little put out!