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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I a Cheeky Fucker?

68 replies

CredulousThickos · 19/11/2017 12:58

So, I’ve already spunked my Fun Money budget for this month, which is fine. We took the kids out for a nice dinner last week and had a takeaway the week before, and I’ve had a few bottles of wine in the last month, plus bought paint which I’ve put in that budget as it was me who wanted to decorate, DH would have waited.

The kids asked the other day if we could have takeaway this weekend and we said no as there’s no point having a budget if we don’t stick to it.

So yesterday afternoon my sister called and said her date had cancelled so could she come over with kebabs and gin. DH was out working so I said of course that was fine, and she paid (she always does because she only ever comes over if she’s got no other options, she has a thriving Tinder and social life Grin so she knows she takes the piss a bit by using me as a fall back).

A great night was had. But DH is a bit pissy with me. Not horribly, but he says that in his mind if I’ve already rinsed the budget and we have to say no to the kids, I’m out of order for accepting a free ride from my sister.

Similar happened last month but it was going out for dinner for her birthday, I’d initially said no as again I’d already spent my budget and she said not to worry it was on her.

DH says I’m having my cake and eating it.

I’m a bit hungover so probably taking it too personally but is he right? Should I be declining invitations on principle?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/11/2017 13:44

Correct me if I'm wrong, but he earns a very large wage doesn't he? Yet you've often asked for advice on being frugal/scrimping back etc.

Given his overreaction to the kebab, are you sure he's still happy for you to stay at home, now the kids are teenagers?

It just sounds as though he might be frustrated with it all, especially given the debt etc.

LondonGirl83 · 19/11/2017 13:44

No, he's totally unreasonable. A budget is how much you can spend, not what you can do. We treat the younger siblings in our family all the time as we are better off. Its a fairly normal dynamic with family if you want to see someone despite them being on a budget.

diddl · 19/11/2017 13:47

I don't think that you should have declined, Op but I can see how he might be pissed off that you've spent up, told the kids no but then still manage to get the treat.

It's like you're being rewarded for having burnt through your money.

Do you always spend all of your "fun money" every month"?

CredulousThickos · 19/11/2017 13:49

Getting a job is not an option right now. He’s really not controlling.

Without going into massive detail I spent two years in and out of hospital after several serious suicide attempts. I need to keep my life simple and calm, and we’ve found a balance that works.

Some of that balance includes DH keeping an eye on my mental health and behaviour. Which does sometimes come out as controlling, but needs must. It’s been very hard on him.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/11/2017 13:55

Ahh fair enough OP

Whilst I do think he overreacted, I can also see why he seems a bit pissed off and frustrated.

I suppose he's thinking you've jumped into shit and come up smelling of kebab roses Grin

derxa · 19/11/2017 13:55

So, I’ve already spunked my Fun Money budget for this month, which is fine. Yuck

WetsTheVet · 19/11/2017 13:55

hard on him.... yes.

dontsufferfools · 19/11/2017 14:10

Haven't you posted before about having a drink problem?

I might be wrong.

But if it is you then I'd say he's pissed off your hungover not just about your sister popping over with takeaway.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/11/2017 14:16

Making sacrifices to save money's all well and good, but your DH seems to want you to make sacrifices for no reason.

CredulousThickos · 19/11/2017 14:23

I did have a drink problem. I was drinking on my own and during the day. I was using it as an escape really. I’ve had lots and lots of therapy since and been discharged from all the services I was a part of.

It’s not a problem now to have a few drinks in company. And I’m not that hungover, I spent the morning painting and shifting furniture so it’s not that I was a hungover lump who wasn’t participating.

Anyway, order is restored, I asked DH if he thought I was a CF and he laughed and said no, he was only teasing.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 19/11/2017 14:36

It’s not a problem now to have a few drinks in company.

Does your DH who lived through it too agree?

CredulousThickos · 19/11/2017 14:38

Yes, of course. He’s usually the company!

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 19/11/2017 14:43

That’s different then. Just saw that he was only teasing too.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2017 14:54

I think you should think about keeping some fun money for doing something nice with your sister next month. Just to keep the balance going. It sounds as if seeing her is good for your mental health and you wouldn’t want to take the piss with her kindness. Glad your dh was teasing you.

CredulousThickos · 19/11/2017 14:57

We’re actually going away for the weekend together next month so lots of opportunities for me to buy dinner and drinks.

It all works out in the end.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2017 16:08

Sounds good Smile

DanceDanceDanceSingSingSing · 20/11/2017 01:27

Really @PinkHeart5914 ? Aren't you like... loaded? So you're posting here and calling the OP out given your financial stature is quite laughable really.

OP, I'm delighted you had a great, fun, evening. Even though your sis had other options, and you think you're somewhat of a fallback option she still decided to come over and buy you a meal that sitting at home with her feet up. Nice to spend time with her, and eat some nice healthy kebab ;)

Is your hubby always such hard work? It's not like you asked your sister to come over, or to buy you food, is it?! I'd be keeping a very close eye on his behaviour the next few weeks/6 months. If you notice anything untoward you should post in Relationshios even if you assume it's nothing - you'd be surprised how many innocent, unassuming women it transpired had deeply controlling boyfriends/partners/husbands, and that the controlling behaviour had been going on for some time.

FeelingAggrieved · 20/11/2017 01:29

Oh tell him to piss off.

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