To find M&T excruciating.

[lucyellensmum]

Is it just me of are mother and toddler groups full of middle class competitive mothers? I take my little girl because she loves it but pleeeeeaaaaaaaaase spare me from the small talk. Yeah yeah im probably jealous cos i dont fit in.

its tongue in cheek really, but im thinking it is good thesis fodder for some wistful sociologist, the politics of mother and toddler groups, nah, i bet its already been done.

I braved m&t with my dd despite loathing it as she LOVED it. But my ds hates it so I don't have to go or feel guilty yippee!!

I rarely went - took my DD to a cliquey one for about 3 weeks and didn't go back after some of the mums brought school-age children in half-term week and let them hog the toys .

My sister found a good group being advertised but after this experience it took me a while to get up the courage to go! Thankfully I was at uni then so it gave me a good excuse to pack my Mum off with dd. I think they both thoroughly enjoyed it as it was properly structured activities and it set up my dd up well for creche one day a week.

I told myself to make use of my maternity leave to break into some M&T groups, whereas I was too busy WOH prior. I find them pleasant enough and a good source of local gossip. But still cannot summon up the energy to attend regularly. Ebay is far more engaging ...

Justaboutmanaging is wrong of course. Mummys who have money can be just as friendly as mummys who don't have much. They Mummy and toddler group I went to was full of lovely people and I made loads of friends. People only feel this way because of their own insecurities.

If you go in with that attitude, I'm not suprised you don't enjoy it. Try, just try, going without any preconceptions and you might be surprised.

Justabout managing I think you're right about the fact that there will always be someone worth talking to. Most of the women will feel as you do, but hide it behind small tlak about what you have in common - the dch. They are, after all, as diverse a group as you can imagine with only one thing in common. I was surprised to learn that one bored Mum was a consultant, another runs a major charity's work for Palestinians, in other words they may be attempting to jpoin in with the Playdoh but they could still be interesting people underneath. Agree that your best bet is to get involved with running it; will resurrect your business skills. Have to deal with office politics, though.

I went to local surestart once, was a clear divide of earth mama and local CHS, neither of which I fitted, tried to make convo but was vertually ignored.
Tried nct but all other mums were in early thirties and just looked at me as though Id just landed from a spaceship.
Gave up then and cant say I regret it

You go to one where people talk to each other?

Once ds was around 18 months and the weather got better and I had a nice circle of friends I simply stopped going.

My abiding memory of M & T was having a conversation about contraception with a mum who'd just had dc 6.

She can't have been listening to my sage advice because she later had dc 7.

LIGHTBULB MOMENT! I've just had a thought, if we all make ourselves a badge, saying "I Mumsnet " we will know that we are up for a proper conversation. I mean, just look at how heated some threads get. Of course it could degenerate into a giant arguement but hey, anything is better than small talk

Had similar thoughts this morning when looking at women wearing crocs, thinking, oh well she is bound to mumsnet then isnt she! Then had an embarrasing social faux pas when doing the hokey cokey next to a woman with a pair the same colour, i told her it was ok, i'd go and stand somewhere else (oh, ive done it again, crocs in the thread)

Sheesh lucyellensmum, that's a scary idea! Half the fun of the internet is being able to talk about your fanjo rash or your DP's inadequacies with a degree of anonymity: if you saw another mum with an I (heart) mumsnet badge on wouldn't you be too busy wondering if she was the one with the rats in the kitchen/utterly mental political viewpoint/headlice?

definately!!! you're right, best keep it anon. I used flea treatment for DD1 headlice!!!!!!!!!! well, it worked!

Hokey Cokey on a first visit would put anybody off. I like the ones where they all just rush around and get on with it.

I think it would be fun to try to figure out who is who. I bet we are all so diffrent from how we aqre percieved by other mumsnetters

PPB well it might be fun: but some peole do post on here about stuff they probably really wouldn't want the rest of their M&T group to know: alcoholism, violent partners, criminal stuff, never mind the odd poo habits and sexual preferences...

What odd poo habits & sexual preferences? Go on, spill the beans. It's need-to-know-basis, I'm sure you'll agree, and it IS anonymous, for now anyway... until you turn up at M&T (milk & tonic??) with an IheartMumsnet badge and someone says 'I know who you are!

"little cow started to give me advice on jobseeking and careers when i said my dp had beeen laid off his last job and was still unemployed... all the while shoveling jarred food into her lo. at least i feed my kids properly while i'm sitting at home with them!"

What's wrong with jars? I give them to my ds. Does that mean I don't feed him properly?!!

Is it only me that is so raveneous for adult company that I would go to any and all M&T groups? Yes they are kind of boring and lots of the Mums are kind of dull, but it's winter and M&Ts are at least indoors and cheap and at least have other adults which beats wandering around the park or home alone (with DS). Sad, but true.

blimey, i started this thread in April and you know what jetson, i totally agree with you now. I actually look forward to my M&T groups now, ive even made friends!!! Sometimes it can be tedious but my DD still loves it and i dont hate it quite as much. I have found that i am mixing with people with all different backgrounds and class (often depending on the group ) and it is getting interesting, once you get below the surface! It takes time i guess ......its either that or, OMG, ive been brainwashed and i am officially a stepford wife!!!

lucyellensmum- I agree with you. They are such judgemental, awful places. I don't really fit in either and because I have a working class accent I am judged to be unworthy.
Toxic places for sure. So cliquey and tense. And full of people I would never have mixed with before I became a mum.
So maybe you were brave criticising the mid class mums on a mid class mums website( I think that's what she meant) but you are not alone.

I am far, far, behind with this one! Can't keep up!...byeeee.....!!!!!

Strange places M&T's. I think everyone secretly hates them and feels insecure in them. Unless you are lucky enough to fit in with one of the cliques. They are meant to be for support etc but can end up making you feel inadequate and like your child is backward or something! I was only 20 when I went to my first and I didn't go back for 6 months, I was so insecure!

If I mix with other mums now I make a point of trying to talk to everyone, tiring in the playground in the mornings sometimes!!