To be struggling to make friends through voluntary work?

[caramelmelted]

I was feeling a bit isolated and low so I signed up for some voluntary work.

I feel pretty awful but it isn't working out at all. There are always different people every time so you don't get to meet one person in particular. Yesterday I made a mistake that really was very minor but I felt very chastised for it. I find the nature of the work quite draining.

I feel a bit dejected I suppose as it's the thing everybody suggests - volunteer! - but I don't know if it is for me.

How long have you been doing the work? If it’s only a short time, you should maybe give it a little longer, sometimes things just need a chance to fall into place.

That said, I’ve done about eight voluntary roles, and I was definitely better suited to some than to others, so it might be that you’re a square peg in a round hole. If that’s the case, don’t be afraid to walk away - there are a lot of charities crying out for good people, so there’ll be something for you.

One thing I would caution against is seeing volunteering as a route to making friends; on the one hand, working with like-minded can be a good starting point, but generally, I haven’t made lasting friends from any of the roles that I’ve done. And in some cases, I was working with people that I would have had no time for at all outside the organisation.

Short version; if it’s making unhappy, make a change, but don’t give up on volunteering altogether.

Good luck.

Everyone suggests volunteering probably because they don't do it themselves. Most charities need volunteers but it's usually not a social thing, it's serious work, and often you have to be quite emotionally resilient to take it on.

Just like homeless shelters at Christmas do not exist to teach privileged kids a lesson or make non homeless people less lonely and having a spa day isn't a reliable cure for a nervous breakdown and loads of other mn tosh that gets repeated Day in day out.

Sorry you had a bad experience and they shouldn't be making you feel shit. Quit if you want and try something else, don't feel bad about it.

If it doesn't seem as suitable as you had thought, move on. It will be a better match for someone else, and a different situation could be a better match for you. There's nothing wrong with that, and life's too short to be stuck in the wrong environment with the wrong people (in general, not just for volunteering). How did you go about looking for voluntary work, and how did you choose that particular one?

The problem with volunteering is that although it brings you into contact with people in a similar way to paid work, it also brings you much of the hassle factor/demands as paid work. If it's draining you, then it's not right for you.

In terms of making friends - the more people you meet, the more chance there is you'll find someone you click with. So see it as upping your chances of making friends, rather than as a main goal.

I understand completely what you're saying OP. I thought that volunteering in a particular field would give me some opportunities to meet like minded people. Not so! I think too, that many volunteering jobs can be quite boring and repetitive and if they have responsibilities attached to them that you can get wrong, then you have to question why you're being asked to do that as a volunteer and maybe that level needs to be undertaken by an employee rather then a volunteer.

The best thing is though, that you can walk away from it.

Have you tried meet up? It might be worth a try.

Thanks. I really appreciate your responses. I don't know if it is for me - it's quite responsible in some ways and I was pissed off when I was made to feel rubbish when I'd given up a non-insignificant chunk of my weekend for it!

I also appreciate people pointing out it's not necessarily a route to friendships: that is so true!

No ... I don't think it is for me, really! I can't get my head around it!

I agree with pp that it might be the kind of role you are doing and it could be worth trying something else. I volunteer in two different settings, the first one I joined took a long time for me to settle into and only now after nearly a year would I say I have a friendly relationship with the staff. The second role I only started in September and already feel like a valued member of the team. So I think it really can depend on the setting.

I've done various voluntary work for over 10 years. Some roles I have enjoyed, some I didn't (and they didn't last long). Some ive made friends, and some I have just met new people.

If you're feeling isolated, maybe you need to ask what you want out of volunteering? All volunteering can do is get you out of the house and introduce you to new people. No guarantees that any of them will become friends.

Do you have a real interest in the organisation and its aims?

Of you applied purely to meet people it may not be for you.

Did you have a proper induction process and training - perhaps the company has not done all they could to boost your confidence.

Both, really, ILS. I do (or did ) support the charity, but I don't know ... maybe it has changed, maybe it's the wrong time (it can be hard giving so much of yourself emotionally when you're emotionally struggling yourself.)

The training is pretty extensive but I do feel I do a good job at actually engaging with service users. I just don't enjoy it. I feel guilty about that but I don't. Maybe though I should think of it as something I'm giving not something that's giving something to me.

Not necessarily a route to making friends but have you thought about volunteering at a school? Listening to readers, helping with library etc.

I think volunteering for a charity isn't the ideal way to make friends, it should be done because you share the aims of the charity and want to help.

If you want to make friends, join the pta, find work, join an college club and take up a hobby.

There may be other roles within the charity that would suit you better. Or other places that suit your volunteering better.

It’s a mix of working for you own needs and that of the charity IMO. No good just doing work you don’t enjoy for the good of others.

There are so, so many areas where you can give your time and expertise. Have you approached a volunteer service where they can try to match you to local organisations based on your interests? I think it’s fine to want to be part of a regular team. Friends come along at a natural pace when you have shared interests.

Sometimes I think it's just quite hard to meet people when you're at a certain age and stage: maybe it will come later.

I think that managing volunteers well is a rare art. Because they are giving up time for nothing yes, but equally are there to do a task and fill a role. So of course a manager needs to appreciate that they are volunteers, but still get the job done. Many volunteers expect to be kowtowed to because they are volunteering, which is all well and good but tbh many do it because of the benefits it has to them as much as to help out.

I'm not saying this is you btw, but I have always tended to view volunteering with the same gravity as I did paid work, and would take any criticism in the same way.

I started a volunteering in June in an admin role, absolutely love the job, like the people but I think there's a lot of fluidity with volunteers, and people come and go. I'm volunteering to get up to date office experience to get a proper paid job!, so for different reasons to you. It's working for me and my aim, and I love it, but it's not an instant way to make friends. To get a bit of company though it works.

Join a running club OP. I joined a local club as a novice two years ago, and now have friends in abundance from that group. Found out I love running too, what a surprise.

See I most certainly do NOT love running!

So further to my post yesterday, I am wondering about letting them know I was upset this weekend - would this in itself be unreasonable or should I just let it go?