To leave my job? Can't sleep worrying

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I have a non mol against my DDs dad, due to him being abusive.

He's a patient at the GP surgery where I work. I haven't seen him yet when he's turned up, I work part time - but it's only a matter of time as he's in there quite frequently with pretty severe MH issues. Im not sure what I can do really.

I'm pretty sure he's talking to my colleagues about me. Just the way a doctor he sees has been acting towards me this past week.

He does things like goes into my mums work and starts saying to her colleagues - oh I bet you've heard loads of lies about me etc. When of course they have no clue who he is.

He suffers with delusions/ paranoia and believes I've done some pretty horrendous things. Needless to say I haven't. But I'm sure he's telling my colleagues some really disturbing things about me (as his paranoia mainly focuses around me, and he believes me to be the root cause of all of his problems, I don't doubt I come up in conversation).

I know he's entitled to GP care wherever he chooses, I know I can't get him to leave.

DV services said to speak to my manager, but I don't see how this could help really. They just advise this generally for safety. They're not sure about this particular situation as obviously it's quite niche. They were going to ask the GP present at my MARAC meeting if it would be appropriate to ask him to find another practice, but it doesn't look like they did.

I'm planning on leaving next Summer anyway once I graduate. But I feel I should be looking for another job now. I feel so embarrassed and anxious going into work. Just annoying as I like the people there and the job - and it works well around uni and DD.

Can't sleep as worrying about it

Definitely start looking for new jobs now, it’s easier to get offers when you’re already employed

Also talk to your manager and lead GP about this for them to create a plan of action. It is a niche situation but they still need to protect you as a employee that is victim of DV, with a non mol order against a patient.

Also talk to your manager and lead GP about this for them to create a plan of action. It is a niche situation but they still need to protect you as a employee that is victim of DV, with a non mol order against a patient.

I'm just so embarrassed I spoke to my mum about it today and she just said don't worry, he's obviously very ill - they have his whole medical history up which will include his drug use, his diagnoses etc. When he's spouting this nonsense about me - a hard worker, a nice and popular colleague etc. if anything they'll be thinking how well I've done to get away from this man and not believe his lies whatsoever. Still embarrassing though feel like every time I speak to one of the doctors/ nurses they're thinking about all this stuff he's been saying about me.

I just bloody hate all this. I'm having to have so many dealings with SS, police etc all because he can't stop doing drugs and making threats etc.

I'm just a normal young woman trying to provide for my daughter and give her a great life. It's one thing after another to try and keep us safe from this man

Just bumping in case anybody else has any advice as to whether to just ignore it or speak to my practice manager to see if I could get him removed from the patient list. If I can't, I really don't see what good speaking to her will do.

Or just leave.

I've just asked my exfil (who was a practice manager untill last year) and he said if it's someone classed as vulnerable they can't just remove them, but in same cases they can ask another surgery to take them on, however depending on if your in a building with other surgerys that will most likely mean just sending him to another one of them

So it's 50/50- but I'd talk to them and see what they say

I've just asked my exfil (who was a practice manager untill last year) and he said if it's someone classed as vulnerable they can't just remove them, but in same cases they can ask another surgery to take them on, however depending on if your in a building with other surgerys that will most likely mean just sending him to another one of them

Thank you, that's really useful. I've been trying to get an answer for months. I even asked my own GP (in an appointment about general anxiety, I didn't take an app up to ask), and she said she had no idea. I was specifically waiting for the outcome of my multi agency conference, where a GP would be present - but I've been emailed the outcomes and it just says to ask at work.

It's just such a sensitive subject, and I don't know whether I'm best to just stick my head in the sand. But then I guess I'll always feel anxious about him coming in, or what's been said - rather than just getting the massive anxiety that having that conversation will cause me.

I'm not in a building with other surgeries, but there's loads of alternatives. Plus he's not even living with his mum and dad, who are in catchment. As far as I know, he's staying with a friend who's just out of our catchment area.

It's the embarrassment that means he is still able to exert control over you.

Do you believe he's registered at this surgery to intimidate you.

I think I’d speak to your manager and say you have an anti mol order in place due to abuse and you’re feeling very anxious about him coming in.
See what she says. It’s good for them to be aware anyway in case he does something strange etc.
Why should you be the one to feel pushed out of your job? By all means look for another job but don’t just leave
I’m sure the practice manager will be more than sympathetic to you. It’s not your fault!!

*It's the embarrassment that means he is still able to exert control over you.

Do you believe he's registered at this surgery to intimidate you.*

It's been his surgery for years. But when they offered me the job, although we had been broken up for a while, there was no overt abuse (looking back I can see now there was abuse, but at the time I wasn't aware if that makes sense).

I had also applied for a ton of jobs and wasn't getting anywhere, but one place passed my details on to my current workplace who then rang me up and offered me an interview. I was one month away from homelessness. So I grabbed the opportunity with both hands.

But I get that makes it more complicated. It was 'his' first, I guess.

But I definitely believe he'll be saying things in his consultations to get at me. He's not allowed to speak to me or be on my road, and has been repeatedly arrested for breaching this. He was giving my mum grief at her work for a while, and the other week some coke slipped out of pocket so she was able to give him a lifetime ban, so he can't go down that route to get at me.

I've told him before (stupidly) that my biggest fear is him causing a scene at my work. So yes, I do absolutely think he will use this as a way to get at me/ revenge.

I definitely think you should share the facts of the antimolestation order with your manager. At the very least they should rota you away from any area you might come across him when he has an appointment. And I also agree that while you may feel embarrassed, you really shouldn't. Just the fact you have the order against him demonstrates it's not you. Perhaps you can explain to your manager if you are happy if they share limited information about it with your colleagues so they can help keep you safe?

Not quite the same situation but we had an lovely manager at work. Her horrid ex used to come in and bitch about her. No one believed a word he said; it was clear that he had major problems.

Why on earth are you embarrassed? You do exactly what DV said. Ask for a meeting with your Manager asap! You shouldn't be lying awake worrying. You need to safeguard yourself and your daughter.

You need to get out of that mentality of not speaking out. Ring the Police for advice too. Has he a habit of just popping in or can you timetable around him if he can't be moved?
I think you need Police advice on this one.

You would be surprised how many people have been through similar things OP. Do not feel you can't speak to the staff. I'm sure if he is saying anything about you it's pretty clear he has plenty of history at being unpleasant and has an ulterior motive.
I would keep looking for somewhere else though.

So, to recap, you work in a doctors surgery; your Ex is a patient with a medical diagnosis of paranoid delusions and MH issues and you think all the staff are going to believe him?

So, to recap, you work in a doctors surgery; your Ex is a patient with a medical diagnosis of paranoid delusions and MH issues and you think all the staff are going to believe him?

I mean, I understand they probably won't. But would you like someone saying to all your new colleagues that you were having these huge drug fueled orgies with your child upstairs etc. Knowing that they couldn't speak to you about it legally, but they had been listening to all this stuff and then having to make small talk with you at the Christmas party?

Even if they don't believe it, I struggle to believe that anyone wouldn't feel embarrassed in my situation.

You need to get out of that mentality of not speaking out. Ring the Police for advice too. Has he a habit of just popping in or can you timetable around him if he can't be moved?
I think you need Police advice on this one.

I've asked them, they have no idea either. Basically he wouldn't be breaching the order if he came in and spoke to me in a work capacity without being threatening. But the legality of banning him from the practice, they didn't know and said it wasn't really under their remit.

Oh the fact it was his surgery and you took a job there knowing that may complicate things but there's still no harm in talking to your practice manager

He came in today and was just staring at me and making excuses to stand at the desk and was talking to another patient he knew about me and my daughter.

I ran upstairs and had a panic attack

So it took the decision out of my hands really. My manager was soooo lovely. She's put a note on his file saying to inform her when he makes an appointment with anyone - so I don't have to be downstairs. And she said she'd talk to the practice manager about getting him removed. And when I said I was thinking about looking for another job because of it, she looked horrified and said she wished I had spoken to her earlier.

Feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Although I am so so embarrassed and everyone will be talking about it.

That's great news. Your Manager sounds lovely.

The gps are probably acting awkwardly because they are desperately trying not to break any confidentiality. A small, innocent seeming comment could loose them their GMC registration.
Difficult patients definitely can be asked to move. In fact, patients who don’t live in the catchment area can be more bed, with the reasoning that the gp couldn’t go out on a home visit in a emergency.
I hope this gets sorted quickly for you

But what will my receptionist colleagues be saying about me? They love a good gossip, it's just never about me usually as I keep myself to myself and am kind and friendly and well liked (I think )

But this is proper workplace drama. And I'm off for 2 days, I know they'll be trying to work out what's happened.

And also, I've just passed my 3 month review which I got marked good in everything.

But now? My manager said she knows it would have been tempting to look in his records to see what he'd been saying, but I never had and never would - I've worked in the NHS long enough to know that's gross misconduct. I'm not saying I've never been tempted, but I never ever have.

But I'm afraid all this hoo ha may affect my future career goals.

Once I've graduated, working within the NHS (as a psychologist or similar) is one of the paths I was thinking of taking. Will this hold me back? Will they have to inform future NHS employers that I'm a drama llama who has panic attacks within 5 months of working there?

I have SS coming for an assessment (on him, not me; I've actually fought quite hard for this as for the past 10 months they've been saying I'm great and am capable of assessing risk and handling contact - when I can't contact this man due to both legality and fear, I'm actually not able to assess the risk of supervised contact and am pushing for contact centre visits, which they agree after recent drug fuelled phone calls/ threats) in the next couple of days; I have a meeting at the police station tomorrow regarding the latest phone calls.

I have an ethics proposal for my dissertation due midday tomorrow, a presentation due Friday. I'm worrying how I'll afford our £2300+ outgoings a month when my student loan stops in April. I'm worrying about finding a top paying grad job. And how I'll sort childcare in one. And what SS will think if I'm not able to stay in my hometown facilitating these twice a week contact sessions when the reality is her dad doesn't care enough to kick the drugs and be able to have her EOW like most men in this situation. But if I can't move to London, where all the decent jobs are, I'll lose our house.

My DD is a dream, but she can obviously be demanding too and im a working, student, young lone parent finding herself in the middle of numerous court cases and police investigations.

I'm finding life so hard to cope with ATM.

Difficult patients definitely can be asked to move. In fact, patients who don’t live in the catchment area can be more bed, with the reasoning that the gp couldn’t go out on a home visit in a emergency.

But his mum and dad still live at his registered address. At our practice, we send a letter out if the Pt may have moved. They would just send it back for him. There's no way of proving it any other way, is there?