To stop bothering with friend

[inpainandgrumpy]

Getting a bit offended now that so-called “friend” keeps leaving whatsapp groups where I’ve suggested meeting up with no thanks but no thanks or any other comment? I mean either I’m suggesting she come because I think she’d want to (that’s nice, right?) or because I’d like to see her (actually yes, I’ve been having a rough time lately and could do with friends). Either way some sort of response would be nice. AIBU because I’m feeling low atm so taking things to heart (am I now “that” needy friend??) or is she being a bit rude and taking me for granted? I can’t think of any reason she’d be “off” with me - no fallings out!

I hate group texts, they ping constantly and I feel very pressured by them. So I always leave the group. Mind you I also text the person who started the group to explain why.
Maybe she’s got a lot going on, or she’s struggling with something just now? Can you call her and ask?

What'sapp isn't for friends to arrange meetings though. It's for a group of acquaintances who don't have mobile numbers/ actually know enough about each other to know a good time to call. I wouldn't bother with someone trying to invite me like that.

Genuinely not understanding why people find WhatsApp so irritating.

YANBU OP

I think if you are in lots of WhatsApp groups then the constant back and forth can be annoying. We have some school ones that people left - personally I just mute them if I’m not interested.

My friends would think someone in my family had died if I called them we never ring each other, ever - it's always WhatsApp/FB/text message if communication is needed. We're a bunch of adults in their mid-30s, in case age makes a difference.

On a personal note, I HATE talking to people on the phone. Hate hate hate it. It's awkward and uncomfortable and makes any problems approximately 67 times worse. Do other people really love it this much?

In answer to your post op: I'd stop including her as she's clearly not interested. Expect a pissy backlash telling you off for noticing this though.

“Maybe just text her personally” god so then spesul wittle snowflake won’t design herself to go out unless the OP makes her feel like the most important person in the world.

I hate whatsapp and even I understand it’s the easiest way to sort it a group meet up. Set up a group “lunch - 4 Nov” and add the ‘school gate’ crowd that often have lunch together. Then people can reply ‘great, in’ or ‘sorry I’ve got plans’.

WhatsApp groups are bloody awful. Okay set up your date and let me know and I'll respond but I don't then want to know the coming and goings of everyone else who's been invited for the next few weeks. I don't care if Sharon that I've never met might be a bit late or Steve can't make it because its his night to see the twins but would love to see you soon.
I'd be leaving those groups immediately and texting you instead.

Why is everyone having a go at the OP? WhatsApp is obviously the best way to set up a meeting and what is annoying OP is the friend’s inability to politely say “no thanks” before leaving the group.

OP, what do the other people in the group say? Do they know her? Are you all equally close or could it be that the friend feels like she doesn’t know the other members well enough to be part of the group?

Your friend is clearly being rude. I can’t understand why the OP is getting a hard time.

I wondered how long it would be before someone brought out the "but she might be an introvert"
Being an introvert doesn't give you cart blanche to be fucking rude!!
YANBU

PeiPeiPing
Here is a radical idea.
Try ringing her and TALKING to her!

^ This. I'm relieved it's not just me. Reading this thread all I'm thinking is pick up the phone and talk with her.

Do friends not ring each other for a chat these days? I've no idea what Whatsap is and would not personally use it. Maybe your friend doesn't like it?

I also hate the expectation that you have to be contactable and involved in conversations just because someone else starts them.

It's not so much being rude - it's preferring different forms of communication. I am boggling at the idea that sending someone a text is treating them like a special snowflake and that people would rather cut friends out of their lives for the heinous crime of not wanting to scroll through endless messages about what time Deb gets her nails done or how Sam might be ten minutes late.

Yy notreallyarsed - it's the expectation that you not only respond to being summoned but to remain perpetually summoned by every member of a group you didn't choose to join.

@MrsDoyleFallingOutTheWindow I’m glad I’m not the only one, I thought I was in for a flaming!

I think people are missing the point!

For many people these days, Whatsapp is the main way to communicate - you can answer when it's convenient and you can organise a group thing without having to ring 10 people multiple times to co-ordinate schedules.

If OP's friend didn't like Whatsapp, OP would be saying that she never replies to messages in general but OP said she leaves groups without saying a word. I hate speaking on the phone so would you find it normal for me to answer the phone then just hang up on you without saying a word? Anyway, all those assuming she hates Whatsapp - why would she have it installed if she can't stand it?

Plus, no-one is saying she has to read everyone else's messages - just say "yes" or "no, thanks" before leaving the group.

I normally feel grateful to be invited to things, because someone has thought of me - who really cares if it's by handwritten letter, phone call or Whatsapp group?

By the way, I think the friend is totally within her rights to not bother answering. But she may find that she stops being invited out because of it.

If OP's friend didn't like Whatsapp, OP would be saying that she never replies to messages in general but OP said she leaves groups without saying a word.

Yes, but from what the OP says the friend has been randomly added to groups she hasn't chosen to join.

I use WhatsApp - am a member of 3 groups. These are people I interact with regularly. If someone started adding me to other groups I didn't want to join I would leave those groups, and not necessarily imteract first.

I hate whatsapp i deleted it because of groups pinging up here there and everywhere and I would leave a group if i wasn't going/interested in the thing. I Think a individual hi are you text says a lot more than a bloody whatsapp chat group. Op maybe your friend has stuff going on to and hasn't the emotional energy for these groups.

It's not about her being a special snowflake, it's sending her an actual message rather than solely just summoning someone into a group chat, that's irritating if that's the only communication you seem to get. Just message the woman on her own and say hi how's everything and then start the dialogue, she may be having a hard time like you are and might be wanting friends (not a big meet up) you will then be able to tell her about what's going on with you so she can support you also - this is not a drama that is needing to happen

I feel like this is just so blown out of proportion especially when you could literally send a text on the beloved whatsapp to solve it.

Knaffed off: your ex "friend" is a complete and utter bitch. I was horrified for you reading that. You are better off without her

I would have stopped adding her to groups the first time she left without a word.

She clearly isn't interested so I wouldn't bother myself or her.

My sister leaves WhatsApp groups as soon as she's decided that she can't join in whatever we're planning, or when the plans are made. She's not rude, although it can be a bit annoying because I have to start a new group with the same group of people every time we start a new conversation (it's usually my sister, brother and I, occasionally our partners) but that's just what she does. Unusual behaviour from my experience and I can see how it could appear rude but it's just what she does.

Are you having any contact in beteeen adding her to these groups?

Text her individually and try to arrange to meet up. There could be all kinds of reasons why she doesn’t want to be part of a group outing (or indeed the group chat) - maybe she doesn’t like one of the other people in the group?

I only downloaded WhatsApp a couple of months ago because a study group I belong to use it to plan meetings & chat about revision etc.

I wish there was a way to hide myself from everyone else - or approve requests before I’m added to groups. I’ve been added to so many groups by other non-revision people ( and then side groups that branch off from those groups because people want to talk about someone behind their back). This weekend I went to meet some friends for dinner & in the 20 mins it took me to drive to the restaurant I had 89 notifications about where people were parking I worked out how to archive & mute chats so that’s something at least!
Maybe everyone in these other groups thinks I’m rude because I don’t respond but I literally only downloaded the app for one specific reason, not for a play-by-play of which car park people are going to use.