AIBU to wonder when i will feel normal again?

[Hertfordshiremum123]

Hi netmums,

First time i am posting here about something so personal.... but i lost my mum to cancer recently. It was a fairly sudden spread of cancer that left her with just a few weeks before she passed away.

She lived a full life and saw grandchildren and i am fully accepting that, as unfair as it all is, her time had come. But lately I just feel like i am drowning. Literally a suffocation feeling. Nothing in my life feels right, i feel suffocated by every aspect in my life and I get angry, bitter and irritated a great deal.

I know it is all a part of the grieving process... but i am so exhausted from it. I just want to escape this feeling of being suffocated. It feels like have a huge weight on my chest.

I also have 2 young children, and although some my say it is good to be distracted, i feel like i never have the chance to properly grieve as i am constantly trying to keep their lives normal. I know time is a healer but aibu to wonder how much time.

There's no time limit on grief. I lost my Mum to cancer four years ago and it's still very hard. She never met my daughter and I felt like I grieved for my Mum all over again during my pregnancy.

You sound like you might need some help though, have you considered counselling?

Be kind to yourself, you need to look after yourself as much as you need to look after others.

So sorry for your loss.

I think you are expecting rather a lot from yourself. I lost my Gran (who was like a mum to me) 14 years ago and I have days when the grief is still overwhelming- she died of bowel cancer and I nursed her at home and for a long while afterwards I was very traumatised by her last few weeks. There is nothing like the death of someone close to you to make you not only mourn their own death but also shake the very foundations of your own being and own mortality.

I think all you can do is be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. There’s no right or wrong to it all.

Thank you both for your kind words and for sharing your experiences. I too am sorry to hear of your loss.

I feel like my mum was the only one who truly got me, even if I didn't realise it at the time, now that she has gone, nothing feels right and nowhere quite feels like home.

I don't feel like i can talk to anyone about it. That is why i came on here.

I haven't really considered counselling as i feel like people go through alot worse than this on a daily basis, if that makes sense.

I will take your kind words in to consideration and take each day as it comes xx