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AIBU to expect my family to donate/help

2 replies

namechangefriday · 18/11/2017 01:12

I am totally prepared to be told IABU but I suspect I'm not..

I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in October 16. You probably know there is no stage 5. No family history, no increased 'risks' and no reason for me to ever worry I'd be the one to get it .. I'm over all those things now but obviously it's been a devastating year.

From the outset my mother said 'breast cancer is easy to get over' and pretty much refused to discuss it. Offered no support other than a few bits of childcare that to be honest was more trouble than it was worth.
Not known for her ability to be a decent person I was not surprised at her inability to actually reach out to me. I'm the youngest of 3, she was a single parent at a time when single parents didn't get the support they do now. She was bored of being a parent by the time I needed her. My childhood was pretty uneventful other than she ignored me frequently if she felt I'd done wrong. Often I wasn't sure what I had done and would endure days of living in a house being blanked until she got over it.
I have 2 older , half brothers from her marriage that failed before I came along.
Not one person in my family has been any support to me during this year of hell. I too am a single parent of 3. I love my children, I would never treat them the way I was treated as a child.

It became apparent early on that the NHS options for me are only palliative and that was a horrific realisation.
I started researching other overseas options and I found a clinic that has great results, I have managed to cash in insurances and pensions to enable me to have 3 rounds of treatment there. I need many more. I need more money than I have got.
I have a funding page, a great team of fundraising friends and my ex is doing what he can to help me. My family have been nowhere to be seen since February time when I realised I wasn't getting any support so I just took a step back
Fast forward to now. They know I'm fundraising, they have not offered to help. Between them they could easily afford to help me but apparently there is no 'f-ing money tree' for me.
I'm so hurt that they will just let me die. If it was them I would've done anything to help.

AIBU to hate that my only chance of survival is to beg strangers and to be bitter that my own family have yet again proven themselves to be just arseholes. I understand I can't make them help me but this is literally life or death.
I just am so tired of worrying how I'm going to find the money when I know they could help.

Fed up and scared. Anyone got any fundraising ideas or winning lottery numbers?

Thanks for allowing me to get this off my chest ☹️

ToniMumsnet · 18/11/2017 09:41

We're awed daily by the astonishing support that our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns – but we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster (emotionally or financially) than they can afford to spare.

HebeMumsnet · 21/11/2017 10:02

Morning everyone. We just wanted to pop by again with our usual warning to bear in mind that, particularly at this time of year, not everyone is who they say they are on the internet. Since no one can be sure, it's best to avoid giving money or goods to strangers.

We can see that NamechangeFriday hasn't given out any fundraising details and that this thread was originally only about her family's response to her illness and getting new fundraising ideas.

She's said herself on the thread that she doesn't want any type of donations through Mumsnet - only advice - so we think it best if we all respect that and return to the original question in her OP.

Best of luck with it all, Namechange.

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