Aibu? Would you expect a teacher to....

[MyHeartIsInHavana]

Would you expect your year 4 child's (age 8) teacher to come up with and execute ways to stop your child sucking their thumb??
Call me crazy, but I think teachers have enough to deal with before
(ridiculous?) expectations from parents such as these!
I mean where will it stop?!

Yes but we pay a lot for our children to go to a school where class sizes are small and teachers have all kinds of additional help at their disposal. I wouldn't expect the same in a state school, particularly not in one that is struggling with cuts or large numbers of difficult children/staff/parents to deal with.

Ttbb if I was another pupil’s parent who was paying for the same expensive education I’d be pretty unhappy that any of the class teacher’s valuable time was spent on thumbsucking.

Thumb sucking is almost impossible to stop unless a child wants to.

"can you still get that vile tasting nail varnish." They can get used to it!

Teachers cannot make them stop any more than parents!

The only thing I'd say is that if a parent wants to use thumb guard on their child/if a child wants to use a thumb guard, school should allow this. But my child learnt to release the thumb guard so it never worked!

MyHeartIsInHavana "It was in a note. With the suggestion that if I basically stepped up, the habit would have been kicked already." the parents do not understand anything! i ask them to do their research, invest in expensive devices/gimmicks and when the child finally feels like it, they will stop.

There have been threads suggesting teachers teach about finances, manners, other things that I think parents should really be dealing with, but this one takes the biscuit. Obviously, you will support the parents efforts, should they actually make any, but beyond that, not your job!

I think it is time for you to get back to basics OP with the parent. Thumb sucking is a comfort device, some have suggested it is a nipple or teat replacement. Can you ask the parent why the child needs such reassurance and why it is not coming from the home environment?

elephantoverthehill "Purple please explain how this is 'outing'? How many primary schools are there in Britain alone this may have been posted from NZ and how many year 4 pupils still suck their thumbs?"

I'm not Purple but can I explain. IF the parents who wrote a note to the teacher about this issue, read this thread, they will identify it is about them and their child's teacher. If they, and no one they told, reads the thread then no one would know.

"Can you ask the parent why the child needs such reassurance and why it is not coming from the home environment?" By this token then everyone who smokes has the same issues.

The only thing I have heard that might work is substitution, finding something else, like a nice piece of velvet to run, to sooth.

I doubt they will see this and if they do, the chances are they will be able to see that in retrospect they were BU.

DS is Y4 and the first thing his teacher said to us at parents' evening was what can we do about the thumb sucking. I was very grateful that she was reminding him in school too, and we agreed to try sticking plasters again. So far so good. It took home+school effort to stop him last time in Y2 too. Stayed stopped for a year then started again.

Dunno if there's any point anyway, he just bites his nails instead. One year he took to chewing up whole pencils. Half his clothes have chew holes just under the neckline. What do you do with a child that constantly has something in his mouth?

Good suggestion about the velvet Italian I am sure the OP will pass it on to the parent.

rub not run.

@cavender if they teach things like table use of cutlery and how to walk correctly I don't see anything wrong with teacher getting the school nurse or whoever it is to deal with the thumb sucking. My children need help in areas where others do not, likewise other children need help in areas where mine don't. It's very give and take. Some of the children at that school board at that age so it's not like there is much that parents can do anyway.

Schools don't have nurses anymore. Can't afford them.

OP I was just reminded by a PP that thumb sucking is an oral fixation. The child will need CBT. For example teaching her to put a rubber band on her wrist to snap each time she's tempted to such her thumb. Although an alternative behaviour that satisfies the oral fixation would be better (things like nail biting, lip chewing, over eating all fall into that category and are all unfortunately very annoying). I had an oral fixation at that age of biting my lip. After lots of nagging I was eventually able to stop but unfortunately I wasn't given an alternative behaviour so I started punching my lip instead. Now trying to get rid if it myself.

Ttbb I’m fairly appalled that parents wouldn’t teach proper use of cutlery and how to handle formal table settings before 8yo tbh.

However if the school takes boarders that does lend a different element to the relationship.

A teacher made me stop sucking my thumb! I was in y6, getting ready to move up to secondary.

She saw me sucking my thumb and bawled at me "Will you still be sucking your thumb when you're at secondary school?" And I stopped. Just like that.

She was a scary teacher, I was most probably terrified of doing it in front her again rather than at secondary!

You could try that, although they've got a while before they move up. Go on, scream at them! You know you want to.

@GreenGardenGnome read above

Myheart perhaps get this thread moved to the 'staffroom'.

I had one parent this year tell me it was my job to make sure her child went to bed on time.

GreenGardenGnome I totally agree.

cat sadly no idea, but there may be safe chew items (look at sites providing fiddle toys for autistic children, my dd is probably on the spectrum and we found chewlery which might help).

I feel quite strongly about this because dd is a teenager and still very occasionally sucks her thumb! we tried everything! I think one thing that does work is that eventually they care what others think and they self modify. But I would never encourage friends or teachers to make it a shame issue. any reminders should be so subtle other children do not pick up on it. E.G. a tap on the child's desk, and should be agreed with child in advance. Other things could work at home but again they should be agree, especially if involving something like a light tap on child's shoulder. I'd say that would be too much from a teacher and better for a parent to do.

www.arktherapeutic.com/blog/thumb-finger-sucking-alternatives/

This is so important... "Thumbsucking lasting beyond age 5 can usually be prevented if you avoid pulling your child's thumb out of his mouth at any age. Also, don't comment in your child's presence about your dissatisfaction with the habit. Scolding, slapping the hand, or other punishments will only make your child dig in his heels about thumbsucking. If you can wait, your child will usually give up the thumbsucking naturally. If you turn the issue into a showdown, you will lose, since the thumb belongs to your child."

community.babycenter.com/post/a21706963/need_soothing_alternative_to_thumb_sucking

I looked at photos of protruding teeth with my dd and her teeth do protrude a bit. She will need a brace but may have needed one anyway.

Try all the usual things but do not induce shame or make the child feel babyish for doing it. Insecurity will most likely only lead to.... more thumb sucking!

OP it is not your responsibility to help this family but I found out loads on the internet, I'd gently push them to push themselves in the right direction and I'd empathize that the child wanting to stop may be key.

Elephant... I was hoping for a parents perspective too, from a general board.

I've calmed down now after my rant- thanks guys.

GreenGardenGnome I meant I totally agree "I doubt they will see this and if they do, the chances are they will be able to see that in retrospect they were BU."

A factor in the damage done is the strength of the sucking. My dd did not suck strongly and often fell asleep with her thumb in her mouth lightly. It made her finger change shape, and smell. I am so glad it is almost all behind us. Its's one of the reasons I am pretty pro pacifier!

her thumb not finger...

different era but I was a thumbsucker till 12 or so. but then my hand grew or teeth came in for what ever reason it no longer fit right.
anyway....I was in school and the teacher picked up on it and asked me if I was tired...I said yes and she told me to put my head down on the desk and have a little nap...her name was Mrs. B :) great memory