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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I did the right thing, didn't I?

29 replies

Fireinthegrate · 17/11/2017 20:01

My Dad had to renew his driving licence. I helped him fill in the form. We ticked th box where it says he has problems with his eyes, becuase he is seeing Moorfields about a cataract op.

Now they have sent him a form to fill in. And he is panicking. He got the form on Teusday. I don't live near but will wee him tomorrow (Saturday) and will look at the letter and help him complete the form.

He is panicking because my mum was recently taken ill and is in a rehab unit. He needs to drive there to see her, bus is possible but he would have to walk about half a mile from the stop to the hospital. He is worried he will lose his licence now.

Of course he spoke to a friend with eye probs who said he didn't tick the box. I told my dad I thought that was irresponsible and what if this man causes a crash? My husband told me about someone who is being charged with manslaughter after someone died in an accident.

I did the right thing didn't I? Getting dad to tick the box?

OP posts:
WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 17/11/2017 20:03

Yes yes yes.

VulgarWheat · 17/11/2017 20:03

You know you did.

How would he feel if he killed someone!

3luckystars · 17/11/2017 20:04

You had to tell the truth. I hope he is ok.

MaidOfStars · 17/11/2017 20:04

Yes, you did the right thing. And once your Dad’s eyes are fixed, he will drive again.

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 17/11/2017 20:04

If you feel really bad can you give him something towards taxis?

Phosphorus · 17/11/2017 20:04

Well yes, obviously.

Can he actually see well enough to drive now? Because if there's any doubt, he should just get the bus.

PaperdollCartoon · 17/11/2017 20:05

Yes. For a start his insurance would be void if he had an accident and hadn’t declared it. Sounds like the op will be fairly soon so will all be sorted.

DP is T1 diabetic and has to declare it, just means he has to renew his license every 3 years instead of 10.

MinervaSaidThar · 17/11/2017 20:05

You did the right thing.

Half a mile is a ten minute walk and perhaps good exercise for him?

Viewofhedges · 17/11/2017 20:06

It’s not just other people who’d be in danger if he crashed, he would be too. And then you’d all be in a terrible place. Of course you did the right thing.

Migraleve · 17/11/2017 20:06

If you feel really bad can you give him something towards taxis?

What a ridiculous suggestion. It's not the OP who damaged her fathers eyes!!!!!

OP you know it was right to admit there is an issue.

elliejjtiny · 17/11/2017 20:08

Yes you did. I don't drive because I'm not safe on the roads. It's a pain in the neck but it's not worth the risk.

GummyGoddess · 17/11/2017 20:12

Yes you did, you're also protecting him from the devastation he would feel if he accidentally hurt or killed someone while driving due to his eyesight.

I'd probably report the friend too to be honest, there are enough dangerous drivers on the road as it is.

suepowell · 17/11/2017 20:21

Well you did the right thing. But if he loses his licence its on you. You need to console him. That said, catract is something that can be removed. So, what if he can drive after that? In that sense, you did not do the right thing.

mumisnotmyname · 17/11/2017 20:22

Of course you were right, if he can't see well enough to to drive he shouldn't be driving. It would be dreadful for him if he did have an accident after not declaring vision issues. It may be that he can still pass the eye test and retain his licence, or regain licence once eye op has happened.

Ttbb · 17/11/2017 20:25

Yes, and thank you by the way.

WanderingStar1 · 17/11/2017 20:27

Hopefully the form will just be a formality. Lot of people have cataracts done and drive before and after, your dad's optician should presumably have told him if he shouldn't be driving? But if he has one done he will need drops put in three times a day for a month, and probably can't drive during that period. Perhaps he should start talking to his eye specialist now to see where he stands on these things? He might need to send a report to the DVLA or something anyway.

Changerofname987654321 · 17/11/2017 20:27

Imagine how he would feel if he has an accident and injured or killed someone. Of course you did the right thing.

Seeingadistance · 17/11/2017 20:36

You did the right thing, absolutely.

mrsmayitstimetogo · 17/11/2017 20:38

Thank you. Losing the right to drive is hard for older people, but the devastation caused by road death is incomparably harder.

HermionesRightHook · 17/11/2017 20:40

Yes of course you did! Absolutely the right thing. People do have nasty accidents when they either don't realise or wilfully lie about how bad their eyes are, and they hurt and kill people.

Your dad is panicking because yes, it could affect his licence, and that would be a problem, and he's got his own shit to deal with right now - but how much worse would he feel, how much worse would the stuff he is dealing with be if he seriously injured someone else or himself?

What you've done is help him to avoid a huge life changing problem that he couldn't quite deal with here and now. It's a huge kindness to take that burden with him and help him through it.

Also, Moorfields will be able to advise on what to do with the new form, and it may not be an issue at all, they probably would have said by now if it was - and once it's fixed, he'll be able to get back as before.

Finally, you don't need perfect eyesight to be able to drive - you just need to meet the minimum, albeit exacting standards; I check with my opticians every time I change prescription but need to wait a week or so for glasses, and they always say it's fine as it's such a small change and I am actually still over the minimum by a good way.

TheHandmaidsTail · 17/11/2017 20:44

A 3 year old girl close to me was killed, while crossing on a red light absolutely correctly because the driver didn't see her or her mother.

He wasn't wearing the glasses he'd been prescribed.

You absolutely did the right thing.

MynewnameisKy · 17/11/2017 20:44

I have been through this with Mum. The DVLA requested a "Field of Vision test" which was completed by hospital and a form for consultant to fill in and she was allowed to continue to drive while waiting on the test and was still allowed to drive afterward.

People with only one eye are allowed to drive and do so quite safely so as long as he hasn't got cataracts in both eyes it shouldn't be an issue.

SaneAsABoxOfFrogs · 17/11/2017 20:45

When I was changing my driving licence to my married name, I ticked the box saying 'do you, or have you ever suffered blackouts' as, as a teenager, I used to faint occasionally and I had declared this when I first got my licence. I thought it would look suspicious to tick no, given they already had the information. Next thing I know, they are investigating whether I am fit to drive. I had to fill in the form, which included a section where I could write the day to day effects ( none), and they confirmed it with my doctor and I got my licence back. What I'm trying to say is that if your father's cataracts are not affecting his ability to drive, he will have a chance to say so, they can confirm it and he should keep his licence. If they are bad enough to affect his driving, then he shouldn't be on the road regardless of how inconvenient (and I don't mean that to sound heartless; I'm sorry about your mum).

user1485155939 · 17/11/2017 20:48

I filled the form in for my Dad and he also got a letter back and all he needed to do was make an appointment and go for an eye test at his local Specsavers. Infact I took my little boy for an eye test there the other week and saw the room in which the test was done (reminded me of my theory test room!) honestly nothing to worry about and it's a really quick process ☺

Autumnskiesarelovely · 17/11/2017 21:00

Yes.