To ask you for your help in turning this around

[twiney]

I have to get my shit together. I'm 30 years old and think I've had a bit of crisis/meltdown. The past two days I've realised I'm depressed and I need to get my shit together. I'm self-employed and have the time and resources to get myself together but I can't seem to drag myself out of this fog.

I'm turning to MN now for your help and asking if you would mind writing your one practical suggestion you can make to me to start helping me get my shit together.

• I have ADHD and real trouble focussing. I have a smartphone addiction and keep procrastinating.
• I'm a creative person, I write and paint and play guitar. These things bring me so much joy and objective bystanders have complimented me on my work. But for some reason my anxiety and procrastinating tendencies stop me from producing much. I start the day planning to work on something and it never happens.
• I'm not taking care of myself physically. I do lift some weights and like my figure and face but I barely style my hair and can't be fucked to wear a proper outfit. I just wear my dirty jeans and jumper. I do clean myself thank fuck, but the minimum.
• I'm getting bored and frustrated with my DP although I love him and dont want to leave him. He works long hours and I feel our relationship has gotten into a rut.
• My house is a shit tip. It takes monumental effort for me to do the smallest tasks.

Please can you give me one practical thing I can implement to start feeling back in control? The main thing that is bothering me is my creative passivity. It feels like I'm not being true to myself. But any ideas welcome.

Lists are useful. I sometimes put mine here for accountability. aadduk.proboards.com/

Use a timer and do just 10 minutes of housework at a time.

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/

I know where you’re coming from @twiney. I went through a bad patch where getting out of bed and having a shower seemed like a monumental effort, but once I’d sorted myself I always felt better for it.
It may not seem like it now but things WILL get better, be kind to yourself.
Making a list of what you need to do each day is a good idea, but if you don’t manage stick to it don’t beat yourself up about it and just go one day at a time x

When I read your post I thought for a moment I'd written it myself and forgotten!
Meds can really help for ADHD. Have you spoken to your GP about getting a referral? You'll need to see a psychiatrist but dexamfetamine or Adderall can really help. They don't have 'recreational' effects on people with ADHD.

www.distractagone.com

Get one of these. Lock your phone in it for our hour. Spend that hour exercising, cleaning one room of your house or having your hair done. Gradually extend the time you lock up your phone as you get used to being more productive.

My dc has ADHD & the one thing that helps focus his mind is a visual timetable of his day. Quite simple to do, it's an A4 laminated piece of card with a piece of velcro going across the middle. Then I just stick pictures of his daily activities which he then takes down when he's completed the task. Jut google it and you'll find lots of free templates.

Break down your jobs into smaller tasks and reward yourself with a treat once completed for eg 10 mins on phone, cuppa, bar of choc etc. Breaking tasks down into bite size chunks makes it easier to manage and you won't feel so overwhelmed.

The smart phone addiction is harder to crack. Maybe switch to a cheaper basic phone without wifi so you can't play on it all the time. This will force you to use the laptop for work related activities.

Clothes I would gather all dirty clothes and stick it in the machine. Then go through your wardrobe and chuck all damaged, shabby clothes. Go for clean clothes first, it doesn't matter if it's not smart because your work doesn't require you to be in a suit.

Set your alarm. Get up when it goes off. Quick brush of teeth and wash. Do your creative thing. Don't plan for it or think about it or say "I'll do blah first", just DO the thing you want to do. Don't check your phone. If you have the do not disturb setting then use that. I find morning is my most productive time.

As for what you look like - who really cares as long as you're clean? Don't worry about it.

Housework - can you afford a cleaner? I couldn't live without mine. If not, do bits at a time starting with most important. Don't waste time on pointless things like ironing.

Your DP - date nights? Don't have to be extravagant or expensive, can just be watching a film together at home with a bottle of wine.

Just some suggestions. Good luck.

Read fly lady online, personally I would skip the god stuff. She has lots of advice about organising life is small manageable chunks.

How’s it going today @twiny ?

@Notevilstepmother

Thanks for checking in!

Sorry for not replying earlier and thanks for all your suggestions, there were some really good ones. The past 2 days I've been using a fantastic app that really helps. It's called Forest and turns locking off your phone and breaking timed chore slots into a game. It is actually making it quite fun for me to focus and is really helping with productivity so I recommend it for everyone who struggles with something similar.

@KatnissK

Great call re getting up and just getting started. I'll use my app to help me with that. I also agree re cleanet and will look into it.

Regarding DP, I decided to leave that part of it out of it for the time being and get myself sorted mentally first before revisiting.

Forced myself into doing some socialising yesterday and actually felt better for it.

Thank you guys 😊