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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I speak to the head teacher?

30 replies

IrrelevantPeasant · 17/11/2017 14:23

DD is in year 3. In year 1 she had a few issues with another girl where DD hit the other girl a handful of times. School phoned me, we dealt with it and asked to be kept informed if it happened again. Nothing ever came of it and as far as we know both girls are now friendly enough. The other girl's parents will not speak to me. They won't acknowledge me or DD to the point that if I hold a door open for them they refuse to take it. I have given up making any kind of effort with them. Fast forward 2 years DD is having a bday party and invited all the girls in her class including the one mentioned above. She handed the invite back to my DD and told her she wants to come it her parents don't like my DD so she's not coming. I've also found out from the class teacher that they still phone the school every few weeks to check that my DD is behaving. Now I fully appreciate that my DD was in the wrong in this original situation but it was dealt with 2 years ago and they were 5 at the time. Yet the parents obviously still have a major problem with us. Should I speak to the HT about this? And what can I reasonably expect him to do about it?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 17/11/2017 14:25

I would just do what the head is probably already doing and roll your eyes at their daftness and leave them to it!

WhoWants2Know · 17/11/2017 14:26

The school aren’t allowed to disclose anything about your child to another family and should have no problem telling the family that. If they really are discussing your child, that’s a problem.

BertrandRussell · 17/11/2017 14:28

What do you want him to do about it? It sounds a bit over the top, but it's really up to the other parents how they deal with it, surely?

Incidentally, it was very wrong of the class teacher to tell you that.

ProfessorCat · 17/11/2017 14:28

You could do, but I doubt there's much the head could do other than have a chat with the parents and suggest that children mature and it was a long time ago.

I've experienced parents just like that. They needed to get a grip and so do these. The funny thing was, the girls were best of friends in class as they grew up but the one set of parents refused to have anything to do with the other.

I really don't understand why parents can't see that some children do hit and bite etc at a young age and although it needs addressing and isn't nice for the child on the receiving end, it's normal and they grow out of it with guidance and maturity.

StickThatInYourPipe · 17/11/2017 14:28

FML this is why I am glad I’m not in teaching!

Just ignore OP they sound insane!

TheFallenMadonna · 17/11/2017 14:35

You can expect him to tell the class teacher not to discuss another set of parents with you.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/11/2017 14:36

Or her.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/11/2017 14:37

You said him. Ignore me!

Original poster
IrrelevantPeasant · 17/11/2017 14:37

I realise the class teacher should t have told me that. I just don't want this hanging over my DD for the next God knows how many years. She was 5! And I thought we'd handled it well at the time. I don't know what I want the HT to do, I don't even know if there's anything he can do. Just wanted some opinions Grin

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 17/11/2017 14:45

Oh that is frustrating but in reality there isn’t anything you can do about it. At least when they get a bit bigger children make their own decisions as to who they hang out with outside school. Children do tend to be more forgiving than adults.

ProfessorCat · 17/11/2017 14:45

It depends on the head to be honest. I know that the head in the school I'm in at the moment would want to mediate. It's a very small school and he hates bad feeling. Other heads I've worked under wouldn't have done a thing. What's yours like?

Steeley113 · 17/11/2017 14:54

I wouldn’t bother with the head, I’d go straight to the parents with the invite and say rather then sending messages through their daughter they could just politely decline. I’d also make a point of it being in front of other parents. Kids fall out all the time! They don’t hold grudges and neither should we.

kaitlinktm · 17/11/2017 14:57

I've also found out from the class teacher that they still phone the school every few weeks to check that my DD is behaving.

I know pp have said this but really - they have no right to ask anything about any child other than their own. I really do hope the class teacher is not pandering to them here and that she tells them where to get off.

JonSnowsWife · 17/11/2017 15:11

I’d go straight to the parents with the invite and say rather then sending messages through their daughter they could just politely decline

I think I'd double check what was said first before blindly believing what DCs say. Some lie, yes some don't and some just simply get mistaken.

Is there more to this OP? Children fall in and out of friendships all the time. I can't see that something which was done with two years ago can still cause the parents to be ringing up every few weeks?

JonSnowsWife · 17/11/2017 15:13

The school shouldn't be disclosing whether the OPs DD is behaving or not anyway to someone else. None of their concern unless the DD is still being unkind to the other DD.

Neither should the class teacher be telling the OP that they ring every few weeks.

diddl · 17/11/2017 15:16

It's odd that the parents regularly phone.

You'd think that the first time they would have been told that another child cannot be discussed with them.

I wonder if the daughter is telling them stuff?

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 17/11/2017 15:21

I've also found out from the class teacher that they still phone the school every few weeks to check that my DD is behaving.

And the class teacher disclosed to you that another parent rings up?

I dont liket he sound of this school much

Original poster
IrrelevantPeasant · 17/11/2017 15:25

As far as I'm aware, there isn't any more to this- I asked if I was missing something. I just find this a pretty extreme reaction to something relatively minor- although I appreciate it wasn't very nice for their daughter at the time.

OP posts:
cochineal7 · 17/11/2017 15:32

Why Sloe ? If other parents would ring up the school every so often to enquire about my child I would certainly want to know, and expect the school to tell me.

monkeywithacowface · 17/11/2017 15:39

I was going to say ignore it they sound like loons BUT I would actually ask the teacher to clarify exactly what gets asked and answered in these phone calls. What does she mean by them wanting to know if your DD is behaving?

AnnetteCurtains · 17/11/2017 15:40

Just get on with your life
They are being very petty . They were 5 for Gods sake

The80sweregreat · 17/11/2017 15:45

That is so petty, what is the world coming to when an incident 2 years ago can still cause so much resentment when the children were only 5 a at the time ? they must lead very shallow lives if they think the world is perfect or their own child is never going to go through life upsetting someone or doing something wrong! I would be glad that you were the bigger person and invited them to the party - if the parents dont want her there its their child's loss at the end of the day.
If they are discussing your child then thats a different matter and a bit unreasonable I think. Such an awkward situation to be in.

Laura811 · 17/11/2017 16:51

The parents sound pathetic! I’m speechless! Are they of very low intelligence?

Branleuse · 17/11/2017 17:12

There are parents at the school who are like this with me for similar events. It really upset me for a while, but now I just pretend they dont even exist and blank them too.

BertrandRussell · 17/11/2017 17:17

Is it possible that the other girl is still upset by the incident?

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