Its another nursery one.....

[Myusername101]

Ill try and keep it brief, DD is 8 and a half months old.
She has to eat/drink
breakfast at 7 (pooridge and a bottle of cows milk)
At bottl of foemula at 10
Lunch between 11.30 and 12
A bottle of formula at 2
Tea at 4.30
Bottle of formula before bed at 6.30

Nursery have been hinting for about two weeks that she doesn't need her 10am bottle, i have just sort of ignored the honts because tbh i dont thinm its their business, sometimes she drinks it and sometimes she doesnt but its up to me if i want to waste milk surely?

Anyway she is in nursery 3 days a week (M W F) on monday one bottle came home untouched, i thoight maybe i was going mad and gave her too many to take in, wednesday the same thing happened so i said something along the lines of "oh right i would prefer she still has it please even she doesnt drink it" they said "oh she has fruit and things with the other children now" i said "i'd still prefer her to have the 10 oclock bottle so i know shes drinking enough" and just got fobbed off with "oh but she is"

Fast forward to today ive had an awful few nughts with her having an ear infection, coulsnt possibly take today off and had no body to help me so had to send her in, we had been at GP's over her ear so she didnt go in until 10ish.

I specifically said when i dropped her off she hasnt had a very good night, (we had a nightmare at the GP's and i had to go and take her ear swab to the hospital myself ) so she hasnt eaten or drank since about 7.

She was asleep when i dropped her off but i said " i know dinner is at 11.30 but because she hasnt been very well and not eaten or drank since 7 can she please have that bottle when she wakes up" was told "yes absolutely no problem"

I rang nursery just now to ask how she is as i feel bad sending her in and they said "shes fine she didnt get up till 11ish though so we didnt give her bottle just made her wait till lunch"

Im fuming!! I specifically said she was to have it, ive had this conversation several times about her having that bottle but i know im really not assertive and suffer really bad anxiety and getting my point across can be really hard for me.

I dont think its nurseries place to tell me what i feed my baby! Im her mum and i pay them surely they should do as i say? Even if i wanted her to have a bottle on the hour every hour - that should be my decision not theres!

So lovely mumsnetters, AIBU? and if im not how do i make the nursery see my POV without coming across as a bitch or one of "those mums"

I think it makes perfect sense for them not to give her a bottle of milk right before lunch.

its not fair to risk other babies being ill - you might have problems at work but that is really your problem not the other parents who might have to deal with sicky babies.

Your child will know if she needs food - if your nursery is anything like mine, water is available. Mine occasionally dropped a milk feed but there is no need to feel angry about it. Does your nursery have proper discussions at pick up/do you have a diary breakdown of the day including food?

You can always offer her water and see for yourself how thirsty she is when she is picked up.

Whilst I understand your concerns, I would be more worried if they were trying to forcefeed my baby - you said yourself she sometimes refuses them. If you have confidence that they can recognise a hungry baby there is no problem. Otherwise you need to think about having a chat with them to allay your concerns. I would not be worried in your shoes

I agree with others she shouldn't be in nursery when ill.
I think you were really lucky the nursery accepted her, and I also think that when you put your child in childcare you accept that someone else is making the calls on her wellbeing whilst she is with them. Obviously when your daughter woke up she didn't look as though she was particularly hungry. If she did, then obviously the nursery staff are qualified enough to recognise this and feed her.
I also think that actually if you want somewhere that will disregard their own routine and listen to yours, even when your daughter is fine without, you are far better looking for a (very accomodating) childminder or an employed nanny rather than a setting also looks after dozens of other children.

I re-read your bit about anxiety - try not to project that onto your child growing up - if she is hungry/thirsty she should take what is on offer

Overall I think YANBU - I wouldn't send my child to a nursery that wouldn't try to be flexible to meet my child's needs. BUT I think you have to have some trust in the nursery to judge what those needs are at any particular moment (when you are not there).

I don't mind at all if nursery do something slightly different than what I have asked, because I know that they bend over backwards meeting my child's needs and would never, EVER let my child get hungry, thirsty, tired or sad without doing something about it unlike his hopeless mother. So, in other words, I don't mind them exercising their discretion because I trust them. And I wouldn't send him to a nursery that I didn't trust...

Food is for fun before 1. More nutrients/ calories will be consumed from the formula so I can see why you want lo to have it all.

I have similar child illness issues with two at nursery. Me and husband try to juggle time off for poorly kids but it's bloody hard this time of year. And we work flexibly. Many sympathies on that front.

PLEASE stop sending your sick child into nursery.

PLEASE..

Just stop it.

Nearly all parents who use nurseries work. As in face the same pressures around abscence, time off, etc

Please just STOP Sending your sick DC in at the expense of other parents.

Hi OP, if your nursery is like ours they get water at 10am ish snack time, lunch and afternoon snacks, my daughter dropped her mid afternoon milk soon after starting as preferred the food on offer, she was about 9m old at the time. Saved me formula and helped her with her solids :-)
Also, cows milk should be from 12m onward, breakfast should be formula to make sure she gets he necessary vitamins.

I'd be fuming too. You're the parent. Also, the nursery we use takes kids when they're ill, no idea what Everyone is getting so crazy about? I swear if I kept him off every time he was ill I'd never be at work?

I assume you are talking about nothing more than the common cold, not ear infections. If your nursery genuinely just takes children who are ill, regardless of what their illness is then they are failing to safeguard their other children and would very quickly be shut down by ofsted if they were aware.

I think OP said that she was worried about the baby being thirsty.
Even if they decided to not to give her milk and risk ruining her appetite they should have given her water, considering she had no fluids since 7. Lets hope they did..

Ear infections are not contagious which is suppose is why my kids nursery takes kids with them. And I guess also because they are so so common. I never asked the nursery why they accept him when he's ill but I imagine it's because they have a good sense of what is dangerous to him and to other children and therefore are not ott. 👍🏼

Ear infections can make children very miserable, sad and cuddly. They won’t be able to keep up with the other children, they will be pestered and mithered by kids wanting to play and there won’t be an adult able to hold and cuddle them the entire day. They should not be in childcare.
Also lots of ear infections go hand in hand with a temp, which nurseries should never accept children with.

Your employer is being very unreasonable

YANBU, they've ignored specific instructions more than once, I'd ask to to have a chat with the manager and start looking at other nurseries. She's only 8 months old, formula is still very important-more so than solid food.

*Sorry if I am missing the point but why are you giving an 8 month old cows' milk?

And sending an ill baby to nursery is awful.

I wouldn't give a baby a bottle just before lunch either tbh*

This ^^

They do need to do what you want but to be fair she really doesn't need that bottle if she is having water with her food (tap water is fine from 6 months)

I'm more worried that they took her when she was poorly too. The reason they get so many bugs at nursery is because everyone sends their sick children in. Do they not have a calpol policy? I.e can't take them if they've had it within the last 24 hours.

You need to talk to your employer btw you are entitled to parental leave (its unpaid), they cannot discipline you for using it.

OP, in the nicest possible way, I think you are overreacting about today. That's totally understandable, because you have an ill baby and have to be at work and you are stressed. They made a judgement to prioritise solid food over the formula. Yes, you'd have preferred them to make a different judgement, but their decision wasn't outlandish, so close to lunchtime.

As to the broader issue, you need to clarify whether they're offering the formula and it's being refused (because she's distracted, or because she fancies the look of the fruit the others are having) or whether they're not offering it. If they're not offering, ask them to explain why.

@BoredOnMatLeave our nursery will take children with general virus' I.e coughs and colds and also with infections if they have been taking antibiotics for a minimum of 24 hours (I think that's so there's less chance of a reaction) my friends little one had ear infections all through her first three years miserable but she couldn't have done her job (as a nurse funnily enough) if her little girl had to be 100% well.

Breakfast and a bottle at 7, a bottle at 10 and then lunch at 11.30 seems a lot. Especially with snacks, another two bottles and a full meal by 6pm. I can see why they're doing it.
She shouldn't be having cows milk either.
I'd discuss it with them and find out if she's having water, if she gets on fine without the bottle, whether she's being offered it and refusing it or what their thinking is etc etc, and see what would work best and get some understanding.

YABU to send your sick baby to nursery. 1. Because the last place she needs to be is there, she needs to be at home with you. And 2. Because now whatever virus likely caused her illness will now have been spread to all the other babies.

YABU to give cows milk as a drink, it should be Breastmilk or formula until over 12 months. Cows is fine for cooking though.

YANBU for wanting nursery to follow your instructions. I would suggest putting your concerns in writing to the manager and explain that you will find alternative childcare if they cannot follow your wishes.

I'm amazed at some of these comments! The baby is 8 months! She will be taking in hardly any solid food at mealtimes yet! My DD is 16 months and has:

7am-Breakfast with oat milk (dairy allergy)
10am-bottle of oat milk
11am-lunch
2pm-snacks
4pm-dinner
6pm-bottle of oat milk

At 8 months she was on 3-4 bottles of formula a day and 2-3 tiny meals.

You're entitled to parental leave. You can't be disciplined because your child is ill.

Yes you can be discipline for absences. Parental leave is agreed in advance, legally yo hve to give 21 days notice. Even if the firm allows adhoc days, it is often unpaid.

I wish people would stop offering quasi-legal advice when they have no idea of the law

www.gov.uk/parental-leave/notice-period

You need to talk to your employer btw you are entitled to parental leave (its unpaid), they cannot discipline you for using it

You need to give a minimum of 21 days notice.

No they dont have a calpol policy- they will give them calpol if they think they need it.
I didnt send her in on deaths door, yes she has an ear infection but not on anti biotics or running a temperature, she is happy in the day its only at night when lying down for a long time that bothers her.

I wouldnt of sent her if she had any other symptoms and i even asked the GP this morning who said she was fine to go as she was well bar the ear which like i said in the day isnt bothering her.

In regards to cows milk i always understood it to be a guideline that they couslnt have it till 12 months old and that 95% of milk intolerance is genetic so with there being no history of it in the family at all and the old guidelines being 6 months i introduced it slowly from 7.5 months.

Thank you to everyone who answered my original question

The baby is 8 months! She will be taking in hardly any solid food at mealtimes yet

Not necessarily. DS1 was a baby dustbin at 8 months and would merrily hoover up roast dinners, whole bananas, and multiple weetabixes! Food intake (and milk intake) varies hugely at that age.