to want to return to childhood...?

[questionaboutmum]

The thread about what was special about christmases made me cry. I don't think it's because christmases were so great back then - it's something to do with the past. Those days that will never come again! When everything felt magical, and I was young, and my parents were looking after me.
I just feel sad that I'm now the grown up.
I do love my life, and love looking after my children, and making their lives magical. There was just suddenly a strong longing for what has gone. Anyone else?
I'm not usually nostalgic, and I am epic at throwing things away and moving on. But suddenly - gulp.

This thread

Question. I'm feeling exactly the same. I'm old(ish) now but this is very likely to be my dad's last Christmas, in his 90s but just diagnosed with lung cancer. Just him and me now. I'm feeling very sad and nostalgic, thinking back to the love and security of my childhood Christmasses with mum, dad and grandparents.

I used to love being taken home late at night in the car from my grandparent's house and then that feeling of been carried up to bed.

Sorry about you dad Alexa.

I guess that's a nice thing though, really?

I mean, I wouldn't go back to my childhood for every penny in the world, and the thought of my childhood christmases does not, on the whole, give me good feelings.
Being the parent though, being the one making the Christmas good for everyone, that I love. Makes me incredibly happy.

So I say be glad for your nostalgia. Be happy you can look back and see joy. And then take it with you and pass it on.

@AlexaAmbidextra - for you and your special Dad. I hope you don't mind me saying but if you haven't already do tell your Dad about your happy memories and how much you appreciate now as an adult all that he, your Mum and grandparents did to make your childhood special. Some people hold thoughts like that unsaid thinking that their loved ones already know, so do share with him if you haven't already

I would never want to return to childhood. At the risk of sounding sorry for myself.... but it was scary, lonely and dull, nothing magical about it all. I've spent years imagining what a 'magical childhood' might be like and a bit sad that i'll never get the chance.
I try and make my dc lives magical, although i don't think they appreciate it now, but hopefully when they're older, they will look back and have many happy memories. I envy people who had magical childhoods although i enjoy hearing about them.

Christmas is always tinged with sadness for me as I miss my dad and the family christmases we had.

I understand completely OP, I miss a lot about childhood, but there is also stuff I definitely do not miss (most of my high school years).

Christmas as a child was so exciting though. I remember feeling quite sick with it on Christmas Eve's!

So sorry to those of you worrying about losing loved ones (Alexa), or having already lost loved ones (Dave - unless I have misunderstood you).

Sorry too to Crumpets and Pyrex that your childhoods were not happy. You are totally right - I am so lucky that I can look back and remember a childhood that - though not perfect - had a lot of love in it. Thank you Uumellmahaye for reminding all of us who had that, and can, to say thank you!

I do really enjoy trying to make christmas magical for my children. I think I am just having a wobble. It is something to do with having someone to look after you, I think. Like opptomist's description of being carried up to bed. I really feel like the grown up around here! Dh usually great but also drinks quite a lot (another thread), so not always someone that I can rely on in every sense. Maybe no-one ever really is, and you just think they are when you are little (if you are lucky and have a kind family). I love my mum and dad still a lot, and occasionally they can still make me feel looked after. My mum tells me to stop working too hard, and if she is here when I get home from work, wants to make me a cup of tea, and things like that! But often I am just worrying about them as they get older and have their medical issues. Plus time has changed them a lot. They are still lovely, but they really can't make everything better - I mean not even for my own dc, let alone me.

I am going to a quiet day at a retreat thing one day in january. Maybe I will find God again, and feel looked after in that way! Or maybe the desire to be looked after is just something that I need to let go of.

I have PMT by the way - so might just be being a bit emotional!

I am so very glad not to be a child any more.

I like being in control of my own life.

There are of course things about my life that I can't change, but the things that are choose-able, I get to choose. Nobody else chooses for me.

Oh I get this. I was lucky enough to have a lovely childhood and I often wish I could just pop back and visit it from time to time. I still go to my parents once a week and my siblings do too and I love all getting back together, I look forward to it all week. It helps too that my parents still live in the home I was brought up in. In a lot of ways I'm still not ready to be the grown up, despite having my own family now! I like to remember those feelings from my childhood and think perhaps that's how my kids think about me, I really hope so.
So sorry for those who didn't have a great childhood but at the risk of sounding patronising, you should feel proud that despite that, you are giving your children a wonderful life to remember, even more impressive if you don't have the experiences to base it on