To be sick of the homophobic language my son is subjected to and think there should be more support for gay teens and their families

[Foxjar]

That is it really. I'm sick of it,he is resigned to it and feeling crap about being gay as a result.

We've complained and school has been fab( exclusions etc). But up it starts again. It's everywhere,in casual conversation and must make a lot of young teens feel utterly shit alongside causing huge damage to their self esteem.

There is nobody parents can go to for advice and nowhere for gay youngsters to go to boost their confidence re their sexuality.

Enlightened times my arse.

"Gay" still seems to be the go to insult at all the schools my DCs went to. A few in DS1 secondary seems to not get too much hassle but it tends to be the sporty popular boys who had mates before coming out. The shyer ones it was an extra large stick to beat them with.

I think punishments need to be stronger. It just seems to be tolerated in a way racist language isn't. I've had enough.

I’m surprised as my children’s generation seem so much more tolerant and understanding than my own. They all have gay friends and I don’t think it’s ever been an issue. The gay kids have always been well accepted and part of ‘the crowd’; in their view its a non issue.

I suspect if you had a gay child you'd think differently. I suspect homophobic language they're subjected to isn't something they bore everybody else with.

It's a hate crime and I would be considering the police involved. It is serious and unacceptable and an absolute fucking disgrace.

I don't know whether The Proud Trust would be able to help you. They're based in the Manchester area but have lots of contacts. If you are in that area I know a hate crimes officer who is an absolute doll.

I've got to agree with crumbs1. having worked in a variety of schools, male gays come out very early, usually around Y8 and accepted. Girls seems to take longer to make the public step, but are actively out by 6th form.

With DCs year group, they were all out and proud by Y9, male and female. I've never witnessed any grief given. And I've worked in a very culturally diverse school where the religious backgrounds of the pupils would be vehemently anti-homosexual in their home countries.

YANBU.
I used to teach in secondary schools. I couldn't even count how often I heard "gay" used as an insult. I challenged it. Everyone. Without fail. It is unacceptable. No excuse.

My young extended family members (aged 15 to 25,) have a bunch of gay friends between them - maybe 7 or 8, and all but one has been subjected to verbal and physical abuse - 2 of them hospitalised - PURELY for being gay.

It's a fucking disgrace that they are treated this way in 2017.

And the worst thing is that it's people (usually male) of their OWN AGE doing it. (16 to 27 ish.) It's assumed that homophobic people are the 'older' generation 50+ ... and I am sure some people in that age range are a bit more about homosexuality, but all the aggressive and violent homophobes are almost always under 30.And often male.

Not sure what can be done that isn't being done already.

I have noticed though, that the people who are aggressive and violent homophobes, are almost always chavs.

YANBU it's horrible that this is still going on, I'm sorry your son is going through it

Keep on at the school, they need to keep making it clear this is not acceptable. It's good that they've been firm about this before but they need to keep on being firm every single time it happens

When I was at school, nobody really came out until sixth form or uni, now it does seem like more younger teenagers are able to a) realise their sexuality and b) come out at a younger age. Theres a lot more awareness now I think. It never even crossed my mind as a possibility til I was 16 or 17! Even though now when I look back its obvious to me that I was gay from a much younger age.

DS is gay and we live in a very unmixed, remote corner of the UK. He has never, ever had any abuse at all, or even heard any.

So, it is not everywhere and must be challenged every time.

OP, it depends on where you are in the country but have you looked to see if there is a local LGBT centre / any LGBT youth groups in your area? Your son might find having other gay friends outside of school helps build his confidence and enables him to better deal with bullying.

I was really lucky when I came out as my school friends were nothing but supportive (strangers much less so, and I still find it difficult to be out in certain environments), but having a network of gay women around me makes such a difference to my life, even now I'm an adult.

YANBU - it's is absolutely disgraceful. I work in a secondary school and we come down extremely hard on anyone caught using homophobic language.

Keep at the school to continue with sanctions.

We had some staff training from a gay man about his experiences of hearing/experiencing homophobic language and it was a real eye opener and heart breaking at the same time.

What helped me at that age: Realising that I didn’t need to care what people thought of me who were so stupid that they thought bullying people was fun. It was still tough and lonely but adopting that attitude did help. A bit. Fortunately I was never seriously assaulted.

@MrsKnightley

DS is gay and we live in a very unmixed, remote corner of the UK. He has never, ever had any abuse at all, or even heard any.

Yeah I can believe that. I live in a very rural area, with a low population, and the demographic is almost all middle class/upper middle class/upper class, and the hate for gays is very rare.

There are 6 gays in my village and the surrounding hamlets (2 single males, one male couple, and one female couple.) And there are also several gay couples in the market town several miles from me. None of them have any issues at all. Yet in the bigger towns and cities, the gays that I, (and my extended family and friends know) are constantly hassled and abused.

In the suburbs of towns (and the centres,) and in the largely populated cities, homophobia is more rife. In the more rural areas, it's quite rare.

You'd think it would be the other way around.

Hopefully this will change, My DC are still young but very aware of same sex relationships, that it's natural so on, hopefully the next generation will be kinder.

School can be a tough time for anyone that is abit different. I'm not sure there's much more than building his confidence other ways, I was teased in school for not having nice trainers, hair, etc it is not nice.

Try teach him to ignore them, show how immature they are, and remind him school will be over and he can choose his own friends. Job etc and most adults wouldn't bat an eyelid about your sexuality. His class are small minded idiots.

We knew a couple also happily living in rural Yorkshire they were very well established in the community. Bullies will use anything to get to their victims though. Some I remember in school - ginger pubes, Chinnifred (aimed at a girl with a large chin ' yes I'm being serious), duck-arse, saggy-tits, the kids on free meals were called 'DT's'. I don't think high school kids will ever change unfortunately.

Often it's casual,sometimes it's more. This week he was called a faggot and a queer gay shit. The casual is as damaging. I think it's widespread. Non gay people not witnessing it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. You aren't gay,you aren't there all the time.

I've emailed school and mentioned the police.

That doesn't stop my son at 14 feeling shit about his sexuality and thus himself. LGBT community can be prone to self esteem,depression,suicide and mental health issues. Where is the support for teens and their families so they can try and avert such problems from happening?

I'm so glad he is being open with you about it. So many don't open up to parents and bottling it all in is so damaging.

Whereabouts in the country are you soap? There are lots of lgbt youth groups etc about, maybe someone can signpost you to the right services in your area.

Contact local lgbt+ groups and see if they have any youth connections.
See if the school will participate in the educate and celebrate scheme (my DC school does)

No matter how confident or how accepting it seems kids are still scared to come out, I speak as a parent of a teen who is being guarded (as in about what they reveal, not physically guarded) at school, despite being fairly popular and more than able to handle themselves etc.

Op I understand your worry around lgbt+ youth and the devastating impacts. Straight people don't have casual insults thrown at them for their sexuality, so why is it brushed over for lgbt community.

He won't go to our local youth group(quite shy), wondering if I should encourage him more strongly.

We have recently moved from London to the coast. Much quieter, not culturaly mixed at all. I was very happily surprised to discover there is an openly gay boy in our secondary school. He is popular and welcomed. Nobody cares he is gay or comments. There are loads of places according to this thread where he would not face this intolerance. Is moving an option? Xxx

Sorry for random kisses Got mixed up texting husband and using mumsnet after a night of little sleep!!