to give up driving?

[Bumblina]

I'm a really, really nervous and poor driver.
I passed my test 18 months ago and despite numerous refresher lessons, i'm still struggling. I only do very local driving. Im in tears a lot of the time because of my crap skills and nerves.
My partner doesn't drive although he is learning. He's too lazy to come in the car with me.I don't have family nearby to practice with.
I had a lesson today and we were on a very short slip road to a dual carriageway. I couldn't see anything out of my mirrors as it was on a bend. i told the instructor 'i cant see the carriageway' and I sped up as i could see the slip ending . i narrowly avoided a car already on the DC. instructor said i should have slowed right down, but this contradicts everything else i hear about slip roads! we then went to do it again and i had to change lanes from right to left on a ring road. it was very busy and no cars were letting me in and i got very flustered and the instructor said it was dangerous as i was using my body to turn and look over my shoulder and she said that is wrong and dangerous.
if i cant do these things 18 months after passing (how on earth did i pass) should i give up?
my last resort would be to get an automatic. but who knows if that would help. I'm also getting hypnotherapy!

Motorways can be much better than dual carriageways because the standards for slip roads are higher.
Match your speed to the traffic on the main carriageway.
My mother has had several small cars and finds a big difference in other driver's attitudes compared to driving her husband's bigger car.

If you were changing to an automatic, a mid-size car, so still manouverable might lead to better attitudes from others.

Practice, practice, practice. I found it easier on my own without the presence of others.

I gave up driving less than a year after I passed. Seven years of stop-start lessons, three tests and finally a pass in automatic car.

I'm the exact same way with the nerves. Only driving locally, totally stressed out if I end up on a road where I don't know the lanes at the traffic lights, etc in case I make a mistake.

I sold the car and stopped driving entirely after bursting into tears at the thought of driving 2 miles to the supermarket. My life is much nicer now!

Keep at it! I did the same as you, refreshers and all but the lack of practice after just killed driving for me. i couldnt do it now

I also passed my test in an automatic and gave up within weeks, never regretted it. If asked what I regret or the biggest waste in my life, I usually cite learning to drive. Total peer pressure / pleasing XH.

i do think my stress levels and overall anxiety would be a lot better if i stopped. i get teary at both the thought of driving and the frustration that i just 'dont 'get it' despite throwing so much time and money at it. my abilities are crap. i'm fairly decent at other things in life , but this is something else.
i think passing later in life hasn't helped (I'm early 30's) and my fear factor is huge.
regarding the slip roads, to me it feels like i'm throwing myself in front of something so dangerous and one bad decision would end in certain disaster.

Do you have to go on the dual carriageway? I've been passed for about 18 months now and don't like dual carriageways so I don't drive on them. There's a couple of roundabouts I don't like, so I avoid them where possible.
It means sometimes I have to drive a bit further but I'd rather that than scare myself when I don't need to.

Sproglet - sadly in order to get anywhere i'd have to use a DC as its the main A road from my estate. But I wouldn't need to use a slip road for this. I'd need to use slip roads in the city centre (horrid inner ring road) and also for places on the outskirts of the city (outer ring road).

Friends cannot believe that I don't drive on the motorway. They think its crazy and say its so, so easy. I think it's a death wish. :(

I was a very nervous driver, and switching to an automatic certainly helped as less to think about (I tend to overthink things). If it’s financially possible, I’d definitely go for it.

Just keep at it, don’t give up. If you’re going somewhere new, look up the route on google earth so you can familiarise yourself with any weird roundabouts or road layouts.

The Leeds Inner Ring Road is scary. I've been driving for years and on my now rare visits there, I hate it.

As others have said, legally you don't need an instructor, so I would ditch them. What you do need is someone kind with lots of time, patience and experience to build your confidence. Can you befriend someone retired who would be happy to be driven round? Try going out on less busy days/times like Sunday mornings at 8.30 am, again to build your confidence.

Finally, instead of going into Leeds, can you go round the outer ring road? I know there is one to the north that I could access via either traffic lights or a roundabout (it's a long time ago now). Quieter roads may help too.

You've summed up exactly how I feel about the A roads near me, never mind the motorway.
But, think how many people do use them with absolutely no bad things happening. Probably millions all over the world every day. You're doing better than me because at least you're trying!

Sometimes driving a small under-powered car can make it harder.

Its much more relaxing if you know you have the power to join roads quickly.

Thanks.
Malbec- yes I do take a route north towards Skipton sometimes. It is much quieter that way and less idiots.
The outer ring road (Pudsey area) is horrible to me,always rammed, as are some of the other parts around Meanwood and Roundhay. No matter what time of day you travel, it is chocka-block traffic.
Inner ring road is horrid and very buildup grey/concretey and depressing. It reminds me of a helter skelter but for cars!

What about some sort of counselling/CBT/hypnotherapy to help you get over your nerves? If you passed your test then presumably you’re competent with the physical side of driving so further lessons may not help. Sounds like you have more of an anxiety/psychological issue which would be best helped by someone who specialises in this sort of thing.

I totally sympathise with you: I have the same problem with short slip roads and changing lanes if it's busy. I often use a longer route on back roads just to avoid being stressed. Fortunately I live in a quieter part of the country but it does limit me sometimes.

The suggestion to go out and drive early on a Sunday morning is a good one - that's what I did when I first passed my test and it definitely helped.

Good luck. I hope you manage to keep driving.

I'm not sure lessons with the instructor is going to help much, plus it's expensive. It's just confidence by the sounds of it.
what your instructor said about not turning your head just glancing when joining a slip road, I was taught to not rely just on the mirror and look over my shoulder at the blindspot for motorcyclists etc?

Darkstar im having hypnotherapy for it actually. Only had one session so far (3 hours) but still unsure about if it'll help. Like I say I'm throwing everything I can at it but not getting any better.
You'd think by passing the test I'd be 'competent' with the actual skill of driving but I'm not (embarrassed to say)one reason I'm taking lessons is because my brain goes to mush when I get flustered and cars are whizzing past me giving me no 'thinking time'. Going out when it's quiet is my plan, but now it's dark and getting cold (ice!) I'm more limited x

A friend once told me learning to drive is hard for everyone. Anyone who tells you otherwise are lying or forgot. It is easy to make a mistake on the road, even people who have decade of experiance do them.

Since i realised those two things, it helped me relax a bit. I'm also a young driver who learned later in life. You will make mistakes, everyone does. IME what you are struggeling with is the hardest bit about driving. It will get better.
Also automatic helps a lot: frees up brains space to concentrate on the road.

Leeds is a very difficult place to drive round.

I found a SatNav helps me as then I’m not also anxious about getting lost. Plus get as much practice as you can. You can do it!

I've been passed for about 10 months now, I drive everyday in rush hour though mainly the same routes around my town. Are you doing too much do you think? I'd hate to go back to driving lessons, I think he'd have failed me many times over by now Why don't you pick one destination that you travel often to and just pound the same route everyday until you've nailed it, then add another route, build up gradually. Doesn't have to be an easy route, you might include the tricky sliproad or dodgy roundabout but you'll pick up skills learning how to deal with those tricky elements that you can then apply them to new routes. Don't give up

Theres a tricky sliproad in our town too, on a bend so you'd have to really turn your head right to see, albeit its only coming onto a 40mph dc but you have to slow right down or stop to join (usually relying on others to give way).

If you do decide to give up, there is no shame in doing so. By the sounds of it your health may improve if you do.

you’ll be fine, took me 17 years and 7 attempts , but am now nearly 70 and been driving nearly 30 years!! Nil desperandum

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I tore my hair out learning to drive. I thought I would never, ever get it. 25 years later and it's second nature. Practise, practise, practise as everyone says.

thanks everyone.
what bothers me is the internal battle that knowing practice is the only way i will potentially get better, but i feel i'm a danger on the road so shouldn't practice! it's draining and i do think about it all the time.