To ask if it's naughty or autism?

[ClaryFray]

Hi all,

Please don't flame me, this has been a very stressful week. And i don't know where to turn. And I'm struggling to cope. I need advice because I'm terrified of doing something wrong.

My DS (8) has always been an a happy child. Not overly naughty. But recently, he's changed.

It started last year when he was diagnosed with dyslexia. The educational psychologist came in to see him, he's working a year behind in English, with his reading level being that of a four year old. He has always struggled academically, and he hasn't always been a model pupil. However just child like issue.

Over the last few months I've noticed him becoming more angry and frustrated, we tried to refer him to cahms but they refused to see him based on it being school aniexty issue. The frequency of the tantrums increased and he became violent at home. Hitting out a few times, however I became a bit stricter and these issues seemed to ease. Or lesson in frequency.

Recently his behaviour has changed for the worse. He has been sent home from school because of his outbursts for the last five days, Monday was because a Birthday child was giving out sweets and DS didn't get a packet. He had a meltdown resulting in him running around the school away from teachers, and me being called to collect him.

Tuesday was a very bad day with behaviour slipping from the start. He keeps removing himself from the lesson, and refusing to go back. Crying and crawling around the floor. I went in early to collect him.

I have tried to speak to DS however he just clams up. He says that some boys in his class are bullying him by calling him a cry baby. I have spoken to the school about this and they say it isn't happening. Although there was an issue where these children pushed DS over and kicked him a few weeks back, then lied about it. They confessed the next day.

I took DS to the drs because the tantrums are back at home, refusing to sleep, screaming at me, kicking out, and just very angry. I can't cope. I have no support and I'm getting depressed. I feel like a terrible mother.

Does it sound like autism? The school are saying he's probably on the spectrum due to social issues, looks right threw people when they talk, difficultly retaining information, and inability to see an accident. School can't discipline him because it isn't worth the fight. They say he shouldn't be in mainstream school.

My mum thinks that DS is naughty. And that I am not consistent enough. And that the school not sanctioning him has caused this.

I am depressed and feeling like it's all my fault. Help.

Can autism or something similar present in this way or is my DS a problem child, and I've failed as a parent.

The school is failing your son. No child should be sent home early in those circumstances. Hope you get a referral and get to the bottom of it soon and things improve for you and your son.

Do persist with the referral. When my eldest with ASD was dx aged 3, the consultant paediatrician told me in years gone by DS1 probably wouldn't have got a dx until he was around 7 when the school expectations jump up (infants to Junior's) and the child can no longer cope. That's not to say your child has ASD only a full assessment will unravel what the difficulties &/diagnosis are. Also worth a hearing and sight test.

Ds1 struggled hugely in Yr6 despite an EHCP etc. His behaviour was only really an issue at school (being rude/not engaging in lessons). At home he was anxious but was actually more affectionate if anything.

As enterthedragon has said the school must issue a formal exclusion letter every time they send him home. DS1's school use to ask parents to collect informally to calm down and they got carpeted by Ofsted for it.

And ignore your mum. Why she would prefer to think it is "just" naughtiness isn't worth the head space.

Some good advice on here, will just add:

1. if school are sending him home because of his behaviour then they are excluding him, and they need to provide you with a letter outlining how long for and why, even if they are only sending him home for the rest of the day . You'll need these letters if you apply for an EHCP etc, so I'd suggest you go in and ask school to provide them for all the occasions when he's been sent home.
   It isn't helpful for them to make vague statements about how they 'think it's autism' and that 'he shouldn't be in mainstream'. How can they possibly know that if no extra support has been put in place? If they think your DS should be in special school then they should be working like mad to evidence that everything possible has been done to keep him in mainstream, and that it hasn't worked. No local authority is going to fund a place in SS for a child based on what school have said so far.

2. It's good that he's been seen by an ed psych, but was that purely to look at dyslexia or was it a more general assessment?

3. An assessment with the local speech and language therapy team would also be helpful, and forms a part of the ASD assessment process. School can probably refer you to them, but if not, you can ask your GP. Also, as a PP has said, get his ears checked out.

4. Ask your GP for a paediatrics referral, again part of the ASD pathway.

5. Just a quick thought - is your son young in his year? This can make a big difference in terms of development, although kids usually catch up as they get older.

You are definitely Being failed by the school. I’ve seen all this before. get this moved over to the SN section and you’ll get some very advice.

Hi guys,

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond.

He has interventions in place, phonics every day, small English group and maths group. However due to his 'behaviour' these haven't happened for a week.

We've applied for an EHCP twice and both times have been refused. Currently going through appeal.

This weekend he seems his happy self at home. And after he had he say off Thursday, Friday was a ok day. I think it's all to much for him.

My parents and I have requested a meeting with the head on Thursday but so far it has yielded nothing, and to be fair the head is more guarded than the queen. You often get her deputy.

School can be overwhelming at the best of times. So your son is being penalised for misbehaving by having extra learning opportunities withheld? Nice School! Sure the Head doesn't want to meet with you as you are expecting them to fulfil their statutory obligations! Good luck!