To have stepped in?

[LadyGlitterSparkl]

Dd (3)has a really bad cough at the moment and about an hour ago coughed so much she was sick in her bed. I got her up and into the bathroom and went to strip the bed (I can see her from here, about 3 steps away) she is still upset/crying so DH gets up to see her and as she keeps boaking he tells her to put her head in the toilet, I know he meant lean over but DD doesn't as she is only 3. Anyway she gets more and more upset then DS (8) wanders in and DH who is frustrated shouts at him to her back to bed, so now two upset DC. So DH is frustrated with DD and is shouting at her and pulling her to the toilet she is getting hysterical, so I stop with the bed and intervene telling him to stop as he is scaring her, she is still half asleep, he starts shouting at me about why can't I just let him do this in his own, (I will not stand there and seen my child upset like that) I am telling him to stop shouting and that he is scaring the DCs and I am trying to close the bathroom door to diffuse the situation and he keeps opening it and getting right in my face shouting about how I never let him do things on his own and I have to get involved ( he does sweet f a in the house, so I don't know exactly what I am stopping him from doing)

Anyway once I then get everything sorted and the 2 upset DCs back to bed (DS 8 told me that he was scared) I go back to bed and try to talk to him which results in another big fight.

So was I BU to step in? Should I have left him to deal with it himself?

YANBU
Stepping in was the right thing to do.
If he thinks this is good parenting then he needs to do some reading up on what acceptable and what's not.
I was scared to death of my father from this age for exactly this type of reaction to situations that I had no control over.

YANBU

Shouting at poorly children is not the way to get them to understand your instructions. He sounds like a bully

He’s a bullying prick is he usually so aggressive?

Thanks, no not usually, like I said he does nothing either to do with the house or really the children. He just doesn't know how to deal with it. Not that it makes it ok, it definitely does not. He said all I do is moan at him and I told him that if he is not happy here then he should go and he told me I was being ridiculous

Imagine if either of your children described you partners behaviour to an adult at school. His behaviour would have been seen as abusive. Without your intervention, they would have to report it to Social Services. Now however, your response to the abusive behaviour shows that you are a protective factor and that you will intervene to stop his abusive behaviour.
Are they his children? Would he allow someone else to treat them like this? Of course not. So why should you?
He needs to view his behaviour through the eyes of others and ask if it is reasonable. Thank goodness your young children have you to protect them from his bullying. I hope he would be mortified to see how others might view his reactions. He should be ashamed of himself. Young children get sick and wake us up....they also get scared too. You did the right thing to support them and not him.

Why are you letting him get away with doing nothing the rest of the time? Stop enabling him. Set an example to your children or they will end up in a similarly unfair set up.
YANBU. He can’t just saunter up all shouty when it suits him if he can’t be arsed to parent the rest of the time.

Why are you with him? He does nothing with the kids or house, and he’s a bully. It’s sad for the kids to have a dad that yells at them and frightens them like this.

You know you aren’t going to be considered Unreasonable for stepping between a shouty adult man and a miserable ill small child.

I think it was a bit to approach your still angry H after settling the kids. None of you needed a ‘round two’ in the middle of the night, however much he might deserve a telling-off. After that behaviour he wasn’t likely to calm down and discuss things rationally or apologise on the spot. And you needed to reserve your energies for what they were going to be needed for- a still sick child, and another scared one.

Next morning? Whole different story. Firm, clear boundary-setting conversation out of earshot of small people.

I sometimes intervene with DH when there are sick children in the night. He is not great when he has been woken up in the night, but he would never get angry with me for it.

DH is more of a shouter than me and I try to let him do things his way but if it is making things worse I would always intervene.

Longer term it might be worth is it something like 123 magic (not for this occasion obviously) but generally as I find it gives DH who sees the kids less a process to follow which we have agreed on.

But YADNBU

He just made matters a whole lot worse for the whole house. Yanbu.