AIBU to not consider doing this offensive (may trigger- sexual assault

[guineaholic11]

Hi, I a not good at expressing myself very well so please bear with me if this sounds weird. When I was a child, I experienced some questionable behaviour from men- age 3, being tickled between my legs by a family member. At school being made to strip by a group of kids and show them my minkie, and then having my clothes torn of by them and pinne ddown on floor when I refused. as a teenager having a stranger touch me over my clothes between my legs and trying to put his finger up me. I am afraid I did not want to make a fuss but I let it happen because I was embararassed and I sort of froze. Well, I would not call these things rape and I know what I went through does not remotely compare to being raped BUT...

.... I have always from an early age had a fear of men and feel very angry and upset when peopel talk about sexual assault. Some of thi smay be that I am oversensitive because I have always been shy and have a self destructive streak- and massive anger issues as well as self harm since I was a young kid. My relationship with my family was difficult- parents loved me but I was yelled at a lot, calle dnames and shamed and often threatened if I did not do what they wanted.

I read a link on the internet by someone named Pete Walker about Complex Trauma and realise I tick all the boxes for it. I have in the past had other official diagnoses for my mental health (long story there) including personality disorder and anxiety things. I am considering having help for my issues but I worry that maybe I am taking away a resource from someone who has been raped.

I have in the past tried to access a sexual assault service but was told that they did not think that what happend to me was abuse and maybe I need to be less inward looking and think of other people who have needs worse than mine? I have tried that but I stil strugg;le with trusting people and self destructive self sabotaging behaviour and fears that people do not like me or will abandon me. I know I have some issue and all the MH health people I have seen over the years think I have something wrong and various labels and tehrapies and drugs have been given. But I am doubting whether my trauma really counts? And it is offensive for me to consider myself a survivor of sexual abuse and emotional parental abuse? I guess I worry that I am trying to get attention and be a precious snowflake and I really don't want to be that/do that?

I have in the past tried to access a sexual assault service but was told that they did not think that what happend to me was abuse and maybe I need to be less inward looking and think of other people who have needs worse than mine?

They were utterly wrong, and should be sacked imo.

You have every right to access services for survivors of sexual assault.

I didn't want to read and run but I'm so sorry your going through all this and by no means are you a snowflake. From what you have described you most certainly have been a victim of sexual assault and for those who said you have not should be ashamed of themselves. It is no wonder you find conversation of such assaults triggering as it obviously brings back some deeply upsetting memories for you. It may be worth again if you feel up to it reaching out to a professional like a councilor to talk about the impact this has had on your relationships ect. I think you sound really brave. Sending 💐🍷 and a hand hold

So sorry to hear this OP. You have a right to some help with this. I don't blame you for not trusting men after this. I really hope that you can find a therapist who can make things better fro you

Thank you MiraiDevant WomanWith user The weird thing is, I sometimes feel like the sexual stuff did not harm me as much as the things from my parents? I know that sounds odd.

Dear god OP don't listen to Neville, what a load of shit.

Don't be disheartened, try again for some counselling and don't be fobbed off, you're not being precious

Neville the OP described far more than just tickling FFS

Neville I did not report it to the police, I do understand that resources are limited in the police force. I do not do stress well and would hate the idea of standing up in a court room to talk about this because my family might find out. they were very upset when I told them as a teenager. My DF hit the roof and was angry with me.

Neville It may not be srious but if it is causing me PTSD symptoms would that not be a valid reason to get help of some sort? I don't mean a court case. Just maybe soem counselling or something.

Neville Well, maybe I could set up a page to increase awareness so there is more funding for all of us who need it? That is a good idead actually. Thanks.

It is absolutely NOT offensive of you to consider yourself to have been a survivor of these things, sadly that does not mean you will be able to access any help from the state.

No need for personal attacks, Neville, that's pretty poor discussion skills. I don't doubt or deny that funding is woefully inadequate for one minute. The situation is woeful.
But the Op describes three separate sexual assaults and you dismiss her experience as being "just tickled"

Shame on you.

Neville A friend of mine got NHS counselling because her parents were verbally abusive and it caused her PTSD. Soif they will accept funding for that, I am sure resources cannot be as limited as they say? or maybe I am wrong.

Just as a disclaimer if that last comment of mine sounded a bit offensive Neville I had a shouty teacher who used to yell at me because I was slow so I do understand what verbal abuse is like. I think most of us go through some form of it somewhere in our lives.

OP, as a starting point you might find this book helpful:

The Compassionate Mind Approach to Recovering from Trauma
By Deborah Lee

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1849013209/ref=x_gr_mw_bb_sin?linkCode=as2&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&creative=6738&camp=1634

NHS MH funding is very limited, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't ask for help. And YANBU.

Thank you AuntyElle. Will take a look.

thanks Sheitgeist I really do not understand how when I asked AIBU Neville thinks I know I am. If i knew if i were being unreasonable, why would I be on here asking? That does not seem logical to me.

Neville is a trolling. No logic. To troll on a thread like this is foul.

Ignore Neville.

If you have complex PTSD the causes are irrelevant; it needs to be treated. You have a right to treatment.
See your GP and ask for help with a clear conscience; you are not taking anything away from anyone else

When men stop assaulting we can all go do something more productive with our precious time and money.

Neville What makes you say that? And why are you taking this subject so personally??? Chill out- it is the internet. Step away from thread if you don't like it. Look at some pics of cute kittens or something.

thanks DJBaggySmalls. I am known to the local MH services- In the spring I had a breakdown due to extreme anxiety and a personality disorder type thing and I think I need to get more help. The anxiety seemed to be about my parents and I know I need help with that for sure. Maybe the other things are tied in?